Confusion

What I've felt
What I've known
Turn the pages
Turn the stone
Behind the door
Should I open it for you?

Anyone knows this song? :)

there're so many thoughts racing through my mind...feel don't think! but screw feeling...it always gets u into trouble...it always gets u hurt! Rationalize! Tt's the defensive mechanism I feel I use to protect myself. It usu works though so why not? Anyway, the editorial work has made me so tired...gonna zzZZ now...

Judging...

I first judging I wanna talk about is Judging Amy...it's a great show that I've been catching recently...A mother who's a Social Worker and her daughter who's a Judge. Today's episode was great. Amy actually had to use her power as a judge to teh~ her mother cos her mother didnt wanna allow her to cross-examine this guy who was gonna die...then there was this mother-daughter confrontation...very emotional...both guided by the values indoctrinated by their respective professions...really quite moving as well...must catch it if u have time...def better than Desperate Housewives n all those similar genre kind of flicks...

-taken out-
I'm sorry.

There's so much to say...

but I found somewhere else to say it. Every single word...w/o censorship...my true and innermost feelings. That's the problem when you know others are reading this...u can't say everything that's in your heart - the hurt, the disappointment, your innermost thoughts/feelings.
Friday was a screwed up day: hp spoil, some fucker banged into me causing me to spill my entire cup of hot milo (I almost pulled him back but my fren CY stopped me)...I wanted to punch his fucking face. Screwed up service at Sony Ericsson service centre. Stupid girl...can't understand simple english and try to screw ard with me. You caught me on a wrong day you bitch.
Games Day: At least I attained my goal of not losing my temper or whacking anyone. Scored my first goal at Games Day. Missed a penalty. Lost the finals 3-2 when leading 2-0. What the fuck were we thinking. Sigh.
Cat Class: Interesting...getting to know Alan and Ed's classes...getting in tune with my own class..
Just lazing around, not doing anything. Something is wrong. I feel lethargic all the time, can never get up in the mornings, never have enough rest (despite 8+ hrs of sleep), no mood to do any work, no discipline, overwhelming pessimistic and sad thoughts, a meaningless existence. I live for the moment. I live for that moment where you smile, laugh, momentary breaks from a meaningless existence. At the end of the day...everything is the same. Nothing changes. Life sucks.

Saturday Night

It's the first sat night that I'm home for some weeks and for good reason - I got a freaking pounding headache...any sitting position isnt too comfortable with me...tt's why I'm lying on my bed in this weird position with the laptop beside me in the dark. Sigh.
Anyway morning started off fine with soccer. Though I have not played for quite some time, I had a decent game with a few goals and slightly more good passes though it's still much to be desired...esp the fitness that is in the negative regions...sigh...the million dollar qn: how to increase fitness in one week???
had lunch at thompson b4 taking cab home. Then had to rush to church for cat class. You know...Cat class (though I like my kids)...it seems to zap a lot of energy out of me every week. This week ( I think soccer has a part to play) I ended up getting this terrible headache too. The weather is fucked up to say the least and moving bet. air-con n the scourching sun is really very bad.
anyway here I m with this terrible headache. Be gone you leech in my head!!

YOU & I BOTH (words & music by jason mraz)

A real crap day...feel like shit...under the weather...this MTV (click here for link) I saw was quite funny...perked me up a little...

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What you and I spoke of
Others only dream of the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of

and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.

Past Few Days...

The past few days have been rather ambivalent in terms of happenings n all...will not blog abt the bad stuff...
had a gd time last night...was quite aimless but there's a certain element of fun in that...not having something fixed to do...winging things...thanks guys...
Happy Birthday Sis...u might be voyeuring my blog again so here it goes...luv u lots...(sometimes more than other times, sometimes less;)
lazy few days...
but highlight of CNY this yr...summed up in this pic...

ciao~

Do ppl in heaven pray??

You know I really don't like talking to my frens who r Protestants about religion. To be honest, it might be due to my lack of knowledge esp when they suddenly quote a verse from the bible and use it against me. I don't know the bible THAT well. And, I don't want it to affect my frenship with that person. So when ZZ n MW came over the the CSS corner for our presentation prep...they started flipping thru the stuff we had there...then the questions came:

ZZ: Why do u all pray to Mary?
Me: We don't pray or worship her. We ask her to pray for us...to interceed for us.
ZZ: but she's dead.
Me: Yupz she is...but she's in heaven and close to God, with the angels and saints. Why can't we ask them to pray for us...just like how we ask our friends to pray for us?
ZZ: But revelations says that those in heaven only praise God...they don't pray.
*dumbfounded*
shit...does revelations really say tt? I didn't know what to say cos I didnt know if she was right n even if I knew the passage...I wouldnt know if there was another passage that I could use to prove my point. SIgh.

Then thanks to Ian Yeo...I found out that saints do pray n people in heaven do pray too...(taken from KJV Bible)

Rev.8
[1] And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.[2] And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.[3] And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.[4] And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel's hand.

It took me awhile b4 I decided to tell ZZ abt it. I just did and we discussed it a bit. At least it ended amicably. Oh well...CAW is coming...*shiver* 3 yrs n I still get the same feeling. Have I grown?

News for Today

Toe-breaking News
It was today that Nick's faithful toe nail, which had been so loyally protecting his toe all these years, passed away this afternoon. It was said that the toe nail came off when Nick was trying to chip his mini Adidas soccerball into a box. Our deepest condolences.

Revelation in Nemo (the movie) - Transference
It was revealed today in the movie that was watched again this afternoon that Marlin had exhibited transference towards Dory. Transference is defined as the phenomenon by which a patient/client projects certain feelings or emotions onto the therapist, or casts him/her into a certain role. For instance, the therapist may be seen as possessing the same traits as a father-figure about whom the patient had ambivalent feelings. In a particular scene in the movie, Marlin actually renacted certain aspects of his relationship with his son, Nemo, towards Dory. He said, "No son, you cannot do it...you never can" (source of quotation unreliable). The question remains whether Dory did in fact exhibit counter-transference.

Hong Kong Chinese movies
Nick watched a Hong Kong movie in the afternoon and it brought back memories of the times when he really enjoyed watching such movies, especially the vampire and gangster movies. Today's movie was about this charming guy who is irresistable to girls. His apartment-mate however is far less successful. Though I do not wish to comment on the far from unpredictable and unexpected ending, I do wish to highlight certain points. During the movie, I realised that one of the tactics used by the playboy was actually executed on Nick. It was an unexpected realisation and one that was quite surprising indeed. Recent conversations with several girls has also pointed out the fact that many of them seek a 'bastard' streak in the guys that they are with. "Nice guys are boring and predictable" is often the cry of these adventurous ladies. I had been thinking about whether I should start to inherit some of these desirable 'bastard' traits, but came to the conclusion that (1) I'm already quite a bastard in the sense that I'm tempermental, easily irritating, possessive, easily made jealous etc. etc. and (2) I should just stick with being myself. Why should I change myself (in a negative aspect) to suit someone else? And to those ladies who seek such guys, just a word of caution: be careful of what you ask for. You might just get it.

New Passion
As it has been dawning on Nick these past few weeks, photography and video-making has been garnering much interest in his life. To date, he has taken several pictures including one of which half his face was white (due to the angle at which the photo was taken) and a few videos including one of Nettolio Pizza-making which was shot courtesy of Nick's parents yesterday. Nick has also decided to set aside money to buy a good digi-cum-video cam. We can expect more photos and possibly a short-film in the next long school holidays.

Weather
It has been a humid past few days and the stifling heat has caused Nick much sweat. Let's all hope for cooler weather soon.

"Reunion" dinner

b4 I blog about my "reunion" dinner...I wanna show u guys the new collage tt I made for the noticeboard above my table...it consists mainly of some of my fav postcards...some of them were added just to take up the space...was supposed to do it up during the dec hols but only got down to it yest...

well as for dinner...my mum decided that she was not going to go thru the hassle of cooking this yr and so up stepped my dad to save the day. Well, my dad can't cook so he decided to bake a pizza...(quite weird for chu xi)...but I must say he did a wonderful job as all 5 of us r packed full of wonderful PIZZA!! :)

I put "" for reunion cos it isnt actually a reunion...it has been the 5 of us for several yrs now esp since my grandma passed away in 1996. It'll never be the same again but I don't really mind actually. Just the 5 of us.

for princess ;)

why must I be tested again and again...

why must things happen to piss me off...make me irritated n all tt shit? one thing after another...God must have a damn good sense of humor...n who cares abt patience...it's over-rated I tell u...I used to try so hard but wtf for?? why shd I care or bother to make the effort to be tolerant of ppl...not to get irritated n all?? why must things happen such tt I get affected...
then my freaking private blog has been down for more than a month cos the mo-f***er server is down...n they cant get it up...I will f***ing kill those bastards if all my posts r lost...freaking hell...

2 of the reasons why I love Calvin n Hobbes (or Jon)...

Nothing sucks more than...

no not a vaccum cleaner.

nothing sucks more than when you wanna do something but u can't get anyone to do it with you. was feeling so sianz then angst jus now...surprisingly it was my editorial work that made me feel better...don't feel like doing readings (I havent even gotten much of them yet) and I dont feel like talking to anyone...but it just felt good to organise the journals and send out acknowledgment receipts to the authors of the journals :)

long day ahead tomolo...

McDonalds - I'm loathing IT(1003)!!

have been doing research for this wed's presentation since yest...I dont really know what is needed so it doesnt help...was supposed to meet up with proj grp but only zhizhen came in the end...such a tiring day...Cat class didnt go too well either...sigh...luckily post-cat class activities made me feel so much better *wink wink*

do u know that there r 125 Macs islandwide?? apparently serving 55million customers?? and they have 6,000 staff...man tt's really up-sized...

k gonna sleep now...too tired to blog properly...will call Macs to find out more tomolo...

Guys’ Night Out/ Hotel Rwanda

I wanted to blog about my day yesterday last night but was too tired to do so. Here it goes… Met up with Boss, MarkC and Mr Vile for dinner last night at Fish & Co. @ The Glasshouse (aka LOVE). Had Swordfish Collar which was delightfully big for a change and I was glad that for once I had not stuck to what I was comfortable with. Had a nice dinner, nice company. Then decided to play pool at Paradiz. Played doubles and paired with MarkC and we beat the Josephians 5-2. I don’t believe I’ve ever played as well as in the 1st game where I pocketed like 4/5 balls in a row with the white ball placed quite well. It was fun! Then went to Rochor Road Beancurd to eat Tau Hway! It was good…conversation was interesting too. You know you have good friends when they try to rationalize your nonsensical statements:
Me: You like coins?? Getting in touch with your feminine side??
*Silence*
Boss: Err…coins are feminine cos they Jingle?
MarkC: Err…cos they are glittery?
Oh well…it was nice company…good time…

Lame joke for yesterday –
Sis: Why are there so many knots on your scapula?
Me: Oh…cos I’m very naughty (knotty)!

HOTEL RWANDA

Caught this wonderful movie jus now with Yas at Lido...fantastic movie I tell you...gonna get the DVD when it comes out...this one is for the keeps...I love such documentary-kinda movie esp since its based on real life. What's more I covered the conflict between the Hutu and Tutsi in my Geopolitics mod back in yr1 sem1 with kes, markC n gang...the movie left me with so much emotions...I really felt that I was gonna burst out crying at times...I was constantly at the edge of my seat wondering what the hell was gonna happen next...I was filled with hatred and contempt for the UN..for those bastards in the US govt again for not wanting to intervene cos there was no benefit in doing so (unlike in the oil-rich Gulf)...for a world that would only watch passively as 800,000 rwandans were massacred in cold blood...thousands of children made orphans...hundreds of women raped...arg...f***!! how can ppl hate each other so much that they do these kinda things?? oh well...

think you guys should catch the movie if you can...it should be worth it...I leave you guys with the quote we used in my grp project on Rwanda: The Machete War...

"There are no devils left in Hell. They are all in Rwanda."

- A Roman Catholic missionary, quoted in Time, 16th May 1994.

My Name!!

Found at this website...http://www.netto.co.uk/internet/nettog/menu/main.nsf

1. Denmark

Netto are a Danish owned discount grocery chain that provide easy access to daily shopping for quality goods at low prices.

2. New York

Another one!! http://www.davidnettodesign.com/content.php?mode=company
David Netto Design was founded in 2000 to provide our clients with residential decoration and architectural design of the highest quality. We are a small shop, which I believe is the only way to be your best and be most available to clients.

3. Brazil

This one is a web developer...under contruction though...http://www.manoelnetto.com/

4. South Africa

http://www.mbendi.co.za/d-netto/
Operating since 1988, Netto Financial Services is widely recognised as one of the top financial planning practices in South Africa.

5. Germany

http://www-gap.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~history/Mathematicians/Netto.html
A German Mathematician!

How exciting!! Thanks jan for introducing me to such fun!! muhahaha...there seems to be a lot of Brazilian names similar to mine!! maybe i have brazilian blood....

Level 3 - Tolerance

no i'm not pissed...its the name of my level 3 Catechism Class this year...

got off on a rather apprehensive note as the teens were quite quiet and sianz...then after my pep talk and the ice-breakers...it was quite fine...even had to do forfeit for the games...quite dumb actually...went to every class on the level and shouted "Hi"...anyway seems like a nice bunch lah...in fact I couldnt concentrate during mass all the way till the homily...was thinking about how class this yr will be like...thot back to my class last yr...feels like I broke up n found a new girl...tt kind of feeling...cos it's fun n exciting now but u look/think back on the previous class that you took...oh well...

Most hated word now: Clique
was quite irritated after mass when this issue came up...cos someone was being protective n said that he wanted his 3 students back as they were separated from their clique...I tell you there's nothing wrong in tt lah...it's just like they get streamed into different classes in sch when moving into sec3 anyway right...give them some time n it'll be fine! so what's the deal man...arg screw it lah...means less ppl in my class anyway...have just 16 ppl now...will try to find an assistant though...was thinking of Carol...too bad Karen decided against it...was quite disappointed but doesnt matter...but I'm not the person who asks twice...once it's no its forever no...

liverpool never fail to make me pissed...f***ing bunch of c***s...

quite sad that I have to end my blog this way...was so excited n happy after class...

I should blog earlier...

when memories are still fresh in me head.

Have not felt like blogging for the past week.

Yest was interesting. Firstly, I realised that I don't even know the colour of the t-shirt I was wearing...I thot it was red but apparently it's orange as most of the ppl I polled yest said...but it's too dark to be orange! ok nvm...anyway...had first cg for the sem and kinda enjoyed it...have not sang some of the hymns since like pri/sec sch in St Gabs...really miss singing some of those songs...went down to Grapevine after tt...quite a nice place though the portions r diet-size small...nice place though and the Oreo Frappe was good...heh...went off b4 1am I think...had to draw money first so went to the atm and guess what...my bad got caught in the door and the string lining the front of me bag burst...f***! It my faithful bag since I entered uni...so I sat down to tie it up...then on impulse I decided to walk home from Upper Serangoon area...so began the nice slow cool walk home...it's times like those that I can really think about stuff...

there're many ways of measuring time...my home is 7 sticks away from upper serangoon...

even met 2 frens along the way home at like 2+am?? anyway took a short rest on my fav bench below my block b4 going up...I love that bench...its made of metal...blue in colour...with slits all ard so that even when it rains it doesnt remain wet for long...very nice and when I lean back I can see the symmetry of the two blocks intersecting the sky...nice. It's when you sit down and slow down our usu hectic pace that we start to see things...I never noticed the lights on this house though it was like flashing green yellow and red?? prob deco for Hari Raya Haji? then u realise that many others r still awake too...cos their lights r on...saw this couple...quite funny...the guy was riding the bicycle...then his gf (i presume) was standing at the back on those bars that are found at the spokes of stunt bikes...and she was wearing a motorbike helmet...I wonder why?? went up soon after...

went online...talked to karen, huijing n ahbao...the night owls...heh...checked email...realised that my sup wants to see me n my fren asap...sigh...there's work to be done...

life's fine...could be better...apathy...nonchalance.

The Phantom of the Opera

Watched this wonderful musical movie this noon with karen...was great lah I tell u...there were parts that I think were better in the musical though it seems like eons ago that I caught it with my uncle...I seemed more exicted then...think cos it was my first major musical n cos it was live. Anyway, this one was gd too cos unlike the muscial I could catch all the faces, emotions, unlike the play where the cast looked so small...heh...loved the music...was thinking abt so many things during the movie...
the first thing that came to mind after listening to the soundtrack intro was my days in my sec sch band - Exodus. I rem playing drums for the Soundtrack for Phantom but it wasnt becos I was gd at the drums but cos I wasnt good with mallets which was kinda more 'important' in the soundtrack but hearing the score brought back memories of all those practices where Lin Ah Leck our instructor would cut us and make us repeat the sequence cos we coudnt get the feel of the part...being a percussionist meant that it was frustrating waiting for my turn to join in...we did a lot of things at the back to kill time though ;) think tt's how we percussionist bonded...
the other thing I thought abt was that somehow I could identify with the phantom in a few aspects and I found myself rooting for him...heh...so it wasnt a surprise tt tears welled in my eyes during the scene after he kissed Christine but decided to let her n tt stupid guy away cos he knew it wasnt meant to be...heh...after all tt he did for her...
I'm jealous n possessive...
I like the movie...
I love the soundtrack...
I want to watch the musical again...with front seats...
n it was nice hanging out awhile after tt...
went for a run when I reached home...man it was difficult...not sure if I'm gonna win this bet man...
k sch starts tomolo...
here we go again.

CHOICE

b4 I go into the details of the retreat itself...I want to talk about my mum's reaction to a letter I wrote her. With every line of the letter, she made silly comments...in fact I told her the letter contained stuff that could help her improve as a person...n she said "I was very good"...then she went on with each line..."I'm offended...you called me Dear when it shd be Dearest?!?!"....then "Ur handwriting is very bad"...then "ya being your mum is tough"..."ya you shd help out with household chores..." and ended with "I forgive you". :) have yet to give Dad.
Anyway...I've no regrets going to Choice more becos it was fun and I felt a gd way to start the sem. Made quite a few frens there...really nice ppl. To be totally honest, I dont think this retreat was some big revelation lah...its like we know most of the stuff but of cos I had advantage cos I did one module which touched on a certain topic covered. heh. anyway, I believe that I have still learnt from this experience and though I dont see immediate benefits, I'm sure that I've grown in some way. What really touched me was the sincerity and openness of the presenters...my heart goes out to all of u guys....and I think one thing that I've changed is realising how lucky I am and I hope I stop taking these things for granted.
Anyway...really met quite a few ppl...shared the rm with Wen Yan (spelling?), Andrew and BK. Got to bond with andrew n WY quite a bit...then there was Arthur...he said something that struck me...he said he felt welcomed in CSS...tt was a really nice thing to hear...bet he wouldnt feel the same when I was in yr1...CSS was quite different then...then got to know the other guys better...Jeff, Ed, Mau, Greg, Gabrielle ...and gals...lex, carol, shirley n many others better...
a big THANKS to all the house-keepers too...esp MarkG n Nan for ur support n letters n Darryl, Dyan, Clemence, Dwi n HD (thanks for the extra plate of meat too!!) for all your efforts!! they're much appreciated!!!
Anyway would encourage u guys to give it a shot...ESP if u dont have very gd relationships with sif others. Bernard and Ying r also very inspirational as a couple...think they'll like only the 2nd couple I can really see in love :)
k have to startup a yahoogrps for our Choice grp n greg jus came up with one: Choice 212 - NGA where NGA = Nangosteen Guava Alliance (only those there need understand) ;)
God bless one n all...n for those with lessons tomolo...it starts again...

Hot Date

Met up with D for dinner n catching up jus now...she's the first gal I liked in NUS. Still rem the first time I saw her couldnt get her name right...that was during Arts O-week...still rem the time when I first asked her out...was so nervous waiting for her reply sms...haha...she agreed but she had thought that it was a OG outing...haha then she had to re-consider...some more tense moments...luckily her gd fren encouraged to "give it a shot" (her gd fren is another of my og mates) n we went out the next day, 9th August 2002. It was a little awkward and (I swear) it was the first time I was going out with a girl I hardly knew. We went out again exactly a month later....anyway...it didnt really work out lah but she didnt leave me with a bitter aftertaste or anything. The best part is though we meet like only twice a yr...she'll get me bdays presents n all...n this coming from a gal who doesnt even buy her gd gal fren a prezzie (haha one of her frens complained to me)...she got me something again this yr n as usu I only got it after the new year...was quite touched by her card...heh...wont reveal its contents here of cos... :)
anyway we went Fiesta Mama at United Square...heard about it cos Eunice's bday was celebrated there...had a nice conversation there n all then decided to walk to MacRitchie to take bus. I love walks...at night of cos...when it is cool n I dont sweat much...she's really gd company. Oh ya, we made a bet. Cos I complained tt I was getting fat so she suggested that I exercise...so now...I have to run 2.4km (at least) 3 times a week for 1 month...if I manage to do this...then she will treat me to FIVE movies!!! haha...seems like a gd deal right...but then I really dont know if I'm up to it...heh...come on guys motivate me!!
Anyway, she's a girl who will always have a soft spot in my heart... :D

Everlasting Love -Jamie Cullum

(it just has such a catchy tune!! thanks yas n draggie)

Hearts gone astray, deep in her when they go.
I went away just when you needed me so.
You won't regret, I'll come back begging you. (mmm)
Won't you forget, welcome love we once knew.

Open up your eyes, then you realise.
Here I stand with my everlasting love.
Need you by my side.
Girl to be my pride.
Never be denied everlasting love....
oh...

Hearts gone astray deep in her when they go.
I went away just when you needed me so.
You wont regret I'll come back begging you.
Wont you forget, welcome love we once knew.

Open up your eyes, then you'll realise.
Here I stand with my everlasting love
Need you by my side.
Girl to be my pride.
Never be denied everlasting love.
From the very start open up your heart, feel that you've fallen in, Everlasting love......
need a love to last forever.
need a love to last forever.
need a love to last forever.
need a love to last forever.........
I need a love to last forever

Another Early Night...

I'm awake again...didnt sleep at all...but prob zzZZ soon...seems like this hols has been full of this...
woke up late as usu...did a a lot of sms-ing n all to get pub comm meeting organized...decided on CHOICE so shd be gg since there's no cat class this coming sat...heh...so seeya guys there...trying to keep an open mind abt it...
spent most of my time chatting online as well as researching for my SP comm session...it's really harder than I thot....much harder than the Family n Christian Service topics that I did last sem...oh man...still at it lor...reading this Apostolic Letter on the Christian Meaning of Human Suffering...it's really very deep...heh...so still at it lor!
Anyway...meet up with all 7 of my wonderful 55th exco...went to Swensons @Causeway Point for dinner...not bad lah...dessert was shiok though we were practically fighting for the Earthquake n Apple Crumble! ;) but it was fun...heh...then after tt we went to Adam Road for 'supper'...only me julia n HMB ate the stingray...kinda felt like yr1sem1 when my cg members always went there for CG dinner...heh...
took the long 156 home...then after wishing Princess Happy 21st...we ended up agreeing to meet for supper so I took the car out n went to pick her n Angie up....went Punggol Nasi Lemak for chicken wings...not bad lah hanging out with them n just listening to them...heh very interesting one u know! ;) had a gd time...then sent them home b4 reaching home...haha then chat somemore on msn...heh...

so here I m...spent...but my brain still trying to process the Chrisitian meaning of human suffering...heh...some parts too cheem to get...anyway shd be gg Zouk again later...last time b4 sch starts...bidding starts later too...hope it doesnt screw up cos i only got like 500pts for 2 mods...heh *cross fingers*

anyway life is fine now i guess...am cautious of saying gd as it normally takes a turn for the worse when I say tt...dont have ANY NY blues cos to me its just another day/week/month...doesnt matter anymore...oh something i just rem...rem feeling quite touched on the bus by Ian Mat's xmas card...luv u man...heh...we will meet up for more suppers...

u know i like this state i'm in - i.e. not liking anyone. I realise tt emotionally-unstable me usu gets affected by tt more than anything else...just hanging out with frens n all...getting to know ppl better (something I've not done in some time)...a part of me doesnt mind being in this state forever...a part of me......

the next few days are kinda full which is gd lah i guess...I'm gonna be focused this coming sem...from day1 it'll be at least 2hrs a day in the lib...(I hope)...those who want to be scared n motivated...stick with me. ;)

ciao~ think me shd zzZZ...hope to wake up in time to LOGIN n bid....freaking CORS!!!

Puzzles

hey guys my bro n sis tried these puzzles jus now...quite fun...hope you guys can see them...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v336/nicknettoe/Puzzle001.jpg

haha then can beg me for answers...muhahahaha

Liverpool 0 Chelsea 1

Its oh so FUCKing unfair...watched the match as a 'neutral' cos i felt that I didnt have much to lose since if pool wins gd...if chelsea wins gd too cos Manyoo n Ars wont be able to catch up. But after watching the fucking match...I must say tt its oh SOoOoOo fucking unfair...it's like when pool plays like shit n loses then I cant say much but having dominated the match n held chelsea for so long...have a freaking obvious penalty denied after the ref apprently brought the whistle to his mouth...it's really freaking unfair. FUCK!

Chelsea will go on to win the championship. They have a rock solid defence...steady GK with gd hands...a combative midfield...an attack that (k let's screw this aspect for now)...but most importantly they have the element of luck which every champion has when they dont play well. Gd luck to them.

Arg! What a yr to spend New Year's...feel so feverish now...must be due to the lack of sleep too...not in the mood to do a reflection here....just wanna say that I'm glad 2004 is over. Can start afresh. At least it ended off on a rather ok note esp since I feel that the fren I had lost over the months is coming back...I dont expect much n I know things wont be the same but at least we're talking...like decent friends would. And of cos the numerous frens that I've gotten to know better this yr... :)

I dont make New Year resolutions. Cos we dont aim to change at the beginning of the yr only...it's a continous process that we shd do EVERYday of our lives.

The world (football) is so FUCKing unfair.

Happy New Year '05

Hey all here's wishing you all a very Happy 2005! Hope you all have a blast of a yr...

went to nan's place jus now...n here I m after reading today's newspaper n posting up the photos...heh...can check them out at http://community.webshots.com/user/nick_net_toe

k gonna sleep now...hope can wake up for SP comm meeting tomolo...

Some things have to be said again...

I love you guys.

Today went to work as usu except I was damn tired after the FOC meeting last night...one thing I learnt at the meeting...when you are prompted to say something, dont hold back...just say it. I felt this need to say a few words...I held back...in the end I realised it might have helped somebody come forward.

Met glo for 'dinner' cos I had a bbq which I had conveniently forgotten...was nice just sitting n chatting...feel bad that I couldnt meet Nefario, AGT, Mr Vile n Balien for dinner...we have to meet up sometime...I hope I dont have to wait a yr man...heh...

went for the BBQ organized by my cat class kids at River Crest...Ethelyn's condo...was so gd to see them again...not many ppl turned up though...Lyn n her bf, Jos, Joy, Henry Bo, Henry Vel, Aaron, Gen, Ethe, Leandro, Aloy, Jeremiah (hmmm did i miss out anyone??) I think that more than anything...the kids miss suaning me cos from the moment I came...Lynette couldnt stop suaning me from my gleaming head to my "fried fish" shirt...didnt eat much though and we couldnt really keep the fire going...by the time i reached the satay had finished n only hotdogs n chicken wings were left...was fun though and somehow Henry, Jos n Me ended up being the ones who tended the pit...heh...now I got pimples thanks to the oil n ash (right jos? ;)
post bbq was prob more fun cos we went over to lyn's place to chill out at the basketball court...then we sat down n played games...tried teaching them some games CSS ppl like to play (though i don't) like Polar Bear, Animal Game etc but they seem SOOOO obsessed with Truth or Dare...heh...but quite interesting lah to find out some secrets...muahahaha...at the end of the day it was just wonderful company...just a little tinge of sadness for like Gen said..."too bad we have Os next yr"...hope that we'll continue to keep in touch thru the yrs...for now I would like to say thanks for the memories...I love you guys.

Boxing Day

It seems that I've turned into a nocturnal creature...n a beautiful one at it.

Just came back from keenan's place after breakie at Jackson's...gonna miss such things man after nan shifts to CHOICE retreat house. Oh well. Day started slack enuff with me just lazing online....didnt even bother going church today which isnt a gd thing...but somehow my family has been skipping mass. Then James n myself arranged to meet in the evening for dinner n stuff...so ended up meeting James, Alan, Darryl, MelD n Rachel for dinner...it was quite fun talking crap n hanging out...then the guys decided to play pool n Clemence joined us...quite an interesting game n I managed to win the last one by just keeping a low profile n letting the others kill each other off...heh...then went over to nan's to watch The Count of Monte Cristo...I found the show fine but nan thot it was too slow moving...heh but not bad lah I dont like the forgive n forget crap...there has to be some vengence man! n we had a gd time with our comments n predicting what was gonna happen...heh...
after the movie we lied down n chatted...talking abt a mixture of stuff...serious stuff...then 'girl' stuff...heh ;) oh n I bitched abt certain things in CSS too...heh who better to bitch abt it then to the president right? :p oh well...realised tt next sem gonna be quite busy...
then at abt 0526 nan decided that he wanted to sleep n I decided that I wanted to go have breakfast n make my way home...heh tt's when the fun began...haha nan kept pretending to be asleep whilst I tickled him...disturbed him...on the lights...threaten to sabo him etc. heh he even managed to lock me out of his room! heh but being the softie tt he is I was in again in no time!! haha so by 0550+ we were walking out to jackson's! woohoo!! so feeling guilty for dragging nan for breakie I decided to treat him...heh...
talked a bit more...I've decided to go for A retreat b4 sch starts...the thing is I have not decided which one....(1) Silent Retreat at Bt Tiram: I've been wanting to go for this silent retreat since last hols...the thing holding me back is the $90 cost...think its gd and I want this kind of concept where u do more reflection by urself...not really with others...no distractions n all...somemore heard from Joel tt the place is very nice n conducive. (2) CHOICE: nan has been bugging me to go for it n Ed has mentioned it a few times too...its much cheaper but it seems tt there's this grp aspect which I dont really want...asked nan abt the program but he said tt cant tell...n somemore charkwa shd be leaving on the 8th n it clashes with this...
oh well will be thinking abt this seriously n decide by this coming week...i really need at least ONE retreat to (hopefully) get me back on track spiritually...
whilst walking to the mrt I tried taking a pic of the full moon with my hp but couldnt really capture it...I guess many things in life are like tt...no eloquence of words or collage of pictures can fully capture the feeling of a moment...u have to be there to feel it in its fullest glory...even memories cant recapture the exact intensity of emotions.
Inspired by a few blogs...I shall do some reflection thingy of this yr soon...till then...

Results/Xmas

Think I got a wonderful present in my results...PTL...

Man I never in the world expected these grades...am happy for that...didnt want to tell others but they asked n I decided to tell the truth...in the end everyone said that I lied again...thanks a million wayne for speaking up for me...it really made me feel better...I dont know why but some ppl have been making me feel bad for doing well when I SHOULD NOT be feeling this way...it's like when I took the paper I really thot it was screwed...esp my medical paper...in fact I was so upset abt it I was thinking abt it everyday AFTER the exams...up till now I dont know how I got the A+...gen bio is confirmed moderated n I guess I was lucky to get an A...was hoping for a B+ or A- Don't worry I won't complain or speak about it with u guys next sem...thanks to those like Wayne for understanding...I mean haven't u had the same experience? Have you guys ever thought it might be cos of my low S.E.???

anyway had a gd time at Karen's place...though I was being bullied with 'Thai Poker' heh...had to kiss Owen (karen's dog) once somemore! thanks a mill karen for opening up ur place!! n thanks for the company...esp my breakie kaki...heh...

recently I've been irritated by someone that I had (no choice) to come into contact with and (sigh) I'll have to see his bloody face more often this coming sem cos I will be working with him...hope I have more patience...

k shd not end off on a bad note...so here's wishing one n all a Merry Xmas...I think I shd get some sleep though I aint tired at all...

Xmas Bash/23rd Bday

I'm waiting for some reply smses now...wayne/alan pls reply to confirm whether there is soccer!! I woke up after sleeping for some 12 hrs...damn shack man...went to work yest with only one hr sleep...that's why I couldnt make it to Angie's place...heh...
ANyway...thanks a mill to all those who made Xmas Bash so fun...have to say this is the best one I attended thus far. Simply fab...damn funny too...great Hosts...hilarious skits...heh...n of cos a nice "expected but not appreciated any less" birthday celebration. :) thanks guys
thanks to all those who sms me greetings, wished me on the phone or online...n those who wished in person...thanks for bringing back the cheer that just the day b4 I couldnt feel. Thanks for the pressies...such thoughtful gestures that I'll treasure...may u all have a blessed Xmas...God bless...

Philosophical Techno Song??

I started to listen to my best techno self-compiled CD recently..think this song is kinda philosophical...heh...

Castles in the Sky - Ian van Dahl

Do you ever question your life,
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams,
All the castles in the sky.
Oh tell me why, do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why, all the castles way up high,
Please tell me why, do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why, all the castles way up high.

Another of my fav Techno songs...

Daddy DJ -by Daddy DJ

Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let me dance along, until the lights are on
You leave me once again home alone
The fridge is full but my heart is achin'
You think I can make it on my own
Just a kiss and you are gone
Another night like a million before
Another party where I'm not invited
As always you'll heat the dance floor
In front of your turntables going mad
Why don't you keep me close to you
I'm not anymore the kid you knew
Why should I stay deep in the blue
I wanna move my body too
(Chorus)
Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let me dance along, until the lights are on
Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let the music play, until the break of day
We've been aside since I meant to be
A part of you that was just awaking
My life with you is a fantasy
I am your prince and you are my king
You say your thing drives sometimes you insane
You think you're no good father and so you're ashamed
But all I want is to share your pain
Clubbin' the night along and having fun
Why don't you keep me close to you
I'm not anymore the kid you knew
I wanna feel this part of you
I wanna move my body too
(Chorus, x2)
Daddy DJ
Daddy DJ
Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let me dance along, until the lights are on

A totally mixed day...

Woke up late for once...felt good...
met Cl for lunch n shoppin' She was someone tt I almost got tog...well maybe not almost but kinda tog but not tog...last yr. Found out tt she will be doing her post-grad come Jan n she told me she might not come back cos she's thinking of settling down in Aussie. As usu...we talked abt all the superficial stuff and things tt really dont matter anything to me. The outing got me thinking a lot cos I realise tt this girl I like was really the most superficial one I've had. Besides her looks...I really dont think there is anything else abt her tt is appealing. We have such diff values. We can only talk abt superficial stuff never serious ones. I can't tell her things that are bothering me. Sigh. I'm so shallow. BUT I must really thank bao for helping me make the right decision. It was difficult at that time but I must say it's def the right one.

Isaac was sick so his bday celebration was postponed...met up with my CG instead...went to watch Ocean12...hanging out with them was really very fun...lots of lame jokes (the kind I like) and also a bunch of ppl I just feel comfortable with...must tell this witty statement tt reggie made...she was trying to tell a joke and I kept interrupting her so when I asked her: "Reggie, is the Char Sao Pao Catholic cos it's not being very Christian...she said..."No I don't think so...cos it has a red dot!" hahaha...I just burst out laughing...hahaha...she is damn funny man...
the movie was so-so...not really tt gd...but then some parts were well shot...gd cinematography I guess...but lousy ending...
supper was fun too...nice hanging out with the guys...its like I love having supper but have not been able to do it for some time already...thanks for the company man...love u guys...

my Selfishness and the 1st NJ House Reps

My aunt is living with my family for a few days...she is ID (=Intellectually Disabled) and the first thing tt came to my mind is...f***!! all the inconveniences. I'm selfish.

on the way back home jus now...I rem some of the nice memories from my NJ days. When I was in yr1, I ran for house reps which lead the student body in activities n all tt. It's similar to council but we say tt its more hip, hop, happening n yes we do rallying of ppl n all than admin work. heh. Anyway...I ended up House Captain of Solaris which is the yellow house. The best part is that I was part of the pioneer batch of house reps and kinda laid the foundation (only for those a**holes to close down the house reps syst last yr [cos our presense threatened the student councillors]). Anyway the house reps provided me with lots of wonderful memories...n frens tt are still very much part of my life ;)
On the train back, I rem the Publicity Stunts, or pub stunts as we would call them. Publicity was done in the form of acting out n publicising an event. So many of them come to mind. There was one where we were advertising for our juniors to run for house reps so I had to be the poser wearing this checked shirt, funky jeans n a ski cap!!! only for the 'judges' to reject me cos I failed my exams (F9 written on a big piece of paper)...then there was this other one...it was to pub track n field i think...so we had 3 ppl throw a discus...i rem the first girl who was there right...she wasnt very slim...ya...then the commentator talked about "checking out all those curves, streamlined body etc..." insinuating that they were describing the girl, only to end up saying something like..."presenting the new Nike Beta+ Discus...if only all discuses were made this way"...haha it may not sound funny now but it sure did back then...it the actions + the way it was said n all...then when it came to my part right...I was this steady guy lah...action action kind...then I threw the discus damn far...."20m...30m...40...m.....CRASH!!! SBJ1234k [our then principal's car plate number]....looks like Nicholas is in trouble with Mrs Ng again..." hahaha then I was like hiding behind this short knee-height wall...heh...man...those were the 'glory days' man...
the last incident I rem was when I was presenting to the sch my house reps...I rem practising pronouncing my Vice-Capt's name...A-nan-dan aRRR-ru Mu-Gam...he's Indian u see so u have to roll your tongue when u say ARU...heh...but guess what...when it came to the crunch...I just shouted....AAAAA-NNNNAAANNNNN!!!! haha n i kinda did the same for the rest....the rest of the house capts were so serious...but I was the only clown...right glo?? :) anyway my fren's fren came up to me tt day and said I sounded like the Ring-Announcer for WWF...heh...cool huh?

So u see....if someone from NJ, my batch comes along n says he/she doesnt know me...where the hell were u man?!?!

signing off...
The Main Man

Stress

Sigh...just started my first day of work as a Research Assistant and boy did I feel tired, stupid and stressed. I really cant rem much abt SPSS...will prob need to seek out some help from the CSS psych gang...I kinda like analyzed data and printed out 20 pages of gabbage b4 my sup corrected me...felt so paiseh man...then there's so much to do and I have to write so much stuff, analyze so much stuff...n need to find lit reviews and how to do re-coding on SPSS...another full day ahead for me tomolo...k gonna sleep soon...

oh n guys go to www.facts.com.sg STOP the CASINO!!!

Gambling

The following is taken from the CCC; I apologise to those who "I've condemned to hell" for playing mahjong on sat! ;)

2413 Games of chance (card games, etc.) or wagers are not in themselves contrary to justice. They become morally unacceptable when they deprive someone of what is necessary to provide for his needs and those of others. the passion for gambling risks becoming an enslavement. Unfair wagers and cheating at games constitute grave matter, unless the damage inflicted is so slight that the one who suffers it cannot reasonably consider it significant.

But I'm still against the casino in Singapore...I don't think the social consequences are sufficiently justified with economic benefits.

so many things...

NUS increased fees...a**holes...here is an email my fren replied to NUSSU after they informed us of their efforts:
Date : 12/10/2004 Time : 12:17 AM From : L. S. S.
Hello,
I think it will be much better for the student body if we offset this round of fee hikes through cutting costs. The act of dissolving seemingly impotent organizations which are purported to voice the deepest concerns of the student body would be a great start, and the reduced costs would help in easing our financial burdens.
Sincerely, L. S. S.
Final Year Undergraduate
haha when he sent it to me thru icq i burst out laughing...man...n he is thinking of staging a protest...heh...

anyway I'm meeting a lecturer this tues to see if he wants to hire me as an RA (research assistant)...think his standards r high n he has already given me a trail....dont know if he wants me still but I will have to find out on tues...heh...thus I most prob wont be gg for the retreat...heh

i wanted to post abt some realisations this sem but will have to come later...chelsea n arsenal beckons...damn arsenal leading one-nil...

Mambo Disappointment...how the U.S. is soooo screwed up...

Had a wonderful gathering at Jo's place last night with lots of wonderful food and great dessert! Thanks jo for the wonderful dinner! U know I feel kinda blessed in the sense that being a CGLC was much easier and smoother than I expected...kinda feel bad cos as a CGL last time I felt I didnt support my CGLCs as much as I could have and I know of quite a few other CGLs who were the same...Nan n myself are blessed in the sense the CGLs seem to be supporting of gatherings and the things that we do for them...kinda gives me a feeling of peace and satisfaction? :)
Went to mambo after tt...for all the hype it was a disappointment....firstly the mo-f****er of a DJ played such a disappointment mix of songs I felt an Ahbeng could have mixed better. Another reason could be that I wasnt high enough...deciding to abstain from fags and graveyard this time around might have led to my sombreity (spelling?). At least I can say I enjoyed the company :) oh and guess what I forgot to bring my house keys lor~ then actually alan and myself wanted to drink a teh or something at a 24hr place in sengkang but apprently the 2 that we thought existed were both closed. So we went home...I didnt want to wake up my family so I sent my dad an sms to call me when he woke and I slept on the bench downstairs. haha this is the second time liaoz but the first time I was piss drunk...this time I was sober and just tired. Dad called at 530 so I went up and slumped into my bed.
Had a little headache but its gone now. Anyway I read the newspaper about this charity woman who won the lottery in the U.S. and found out about how 46 states in the U.S. have this law which states that once a child is born, they have 3 days of get rid of it w/o facing prosecution....what the FUCK! I mean this is ridiculous! isnt it tantamount to murder??? so during the 1st 3 days of the child's life, it's not considered a human being??? was damn pissed when I read that. Then yest newspapers also stated about how the U.S. refused to sign something wrt reducing the release of ozone-depleting substances. Then now those a**holes are trying to get Kofi Anand off the UN cos he has the balls to stand up against the U.S. N recently a fren told me how the U.S. talks so big about certain intertnational laws/conventions and all but refuse to sign any memorandam. Such a screwed up place. The more I think about the place the more pissed I get. Maybe God shd bring another flood on that place and get rid of the greatest evil in the world now.

Dogville

Watched this film today at markC's place...had the VCD b4 exams but didnt watch it till today. Don't really know what to think about the movie except tt it's quite disturbing? Interesting way of filming...u can see the whole town of Dogville like a monopoly board where there r no doors or windows and u can see what the whole town is doing.
To me it was disturbing cos of Nicole Kidman's role passivity as well as the dichotomous thinking along the lines of: (1) we have to be forgiving of men's wrong doing to the point of being totally submissive and passive (2) vengence where u have to avenge all wrong doing and the only way to deal with evil is to use evil.
Don't know if this was what the film was trying to get across. It seems to have deeper philosophical undertones in it. For those interested I can lend u the VCD...be prepared to spend at least 2hrs 40mins though and if u watch the confessionals that come with it...it'll be a further 55 mins.

There goes my diet...

today is my bro's bday and we had a real big feast...have a look at the pic below...somemore I was trying to eat less as I've been doing the past 2 days but the food today was too tempting...there were:
4 sting-rays,
kailan in oyster sauce,
about 80 sticks of satay,
har gao soup,
12 bbq chicken wings.
And I had one stingray to myself!!!
Anyway just wanted to say that I had a good time having a meal with my family. My bro's gf joined us too. She's a really nice gal and I hope things work out cos I really dont think my bro can find someone as patient and understanding. My relationship with my bro has been ambivalent for as long as I can remember. Some of you I'm closer to would know that my bro and I are like two extremes on a continuum and the only similarity I see sometimes is the way we look. There was a very long period of time we didnt even speak to each other and sadly I have to admit, he was one of the people (in fact the only) that I had actually felt hatred towards. I can't say that it has all gone away but from my growth in CSS, it has helped lessen this somewhat though recently again I had been having similar feelings. I really hope that we will remain close and I pray that one day he will wake up and be more sensible. Till then all I can do to hope (I no longer pray about it). Sometimes I think its partially my fault that he has turned out this way cos having to live in an elder sibling's shadow can do two things: (1) you rise up to the challenge or at least attempt to do so, or, (2) you go the other direction cos its easier. I think my bro chose the latter. It's like teachers in St Gabs will ask him why he cant be more like me and he would get so pissed he'll scold the teacher or walk out of class. I think I would have done the same in his shoes cos I dont really like being compared either. In this lifetime, I've only felt my heart literally break twice and the second time was cos of him. I just felt that I could have done more but didnt. Oh well...
Anyway...thanks to andrea and shane who persuaded me to go Tea CHapter yest...it was fun...and I had good company...n thanks to wayne for the hanging out after tt...although we didnt execute our initial agenda! ooOOhhHH!!
k think i will sign off here...haha guys pls pray for my toe! cos I think its all blue-black and the nail is gonna come out if it is to heal...sigh...how to play soccer again like tt...k gonna slack now...with me bloated stomach...ciao~

The Feast

FINALLY

I stopped writing a little before they asked us to stop today. My hands were numb. I didnt know what else to write. Not gonna talk about it. JUst that I'm glad its finally over. Won't be expecting much though.
I told myself to enjoy this extra time I have now and to think positive thoughts...but I dont find it possible. I guess the good thing about the exams is that it serves as a form of distraction...of whatever you were trying to run away from, or something that you pushed under your bed hoping it would just disappear. It's when you're free that you have the luxury of time to dwell on these things again.
I will spend this holidays getting in touch with myself. Feel that I've somewhat derailed this sem...am not heading in the direction that I would like to in several areas in my life.
Will try to post something positive soon...for now I would like to thank the 3 abeng guys who smsed me today...really means a lot to me. It's been great knowing u 3 better. God bless.

You take the Path of
Least Resistance.
Why make things hard for yourself? You are a
go-with-flow sort of person andlittle gets to you. Why? Because it's all good,
right? They say the path ofleast resistance is a straight line and that's
where you go, ever forward andnever looking back. It's good to keep the past
behind you, a quality far toolittle people have these days. You know the past is
the past, but don't letyourself forget it. You can't learn from your
mistakes if you don't rememberthem. You're probably loved for your laid-back
frame of mind and easy-goingqualities , but you tend take the easy way out in
life and verge on lazy. Greatcharacter is found through great challenges. You
most likely have the abilitiesin you to succeed and over-come what life throws at
you. You just got get up andface that challenge. You tend to lose your head in
bad situations because youaren't used to them. And by the time you've found
the easiest way to master aproblem, you could've already taken care of it. Bad
things happen, difficultsituations come up, that's life. What matters is
that you rise to face thosechallenges and you can do it. Never lose your
laid-back qualities as they willhelp you greatly. Just step onto that hard road
every once in awhile and you'lldiscover that with each stretch it becomes easier
and easier to over-come life'shurdles.

What Path Do You Take In Life? [X]For Guys and Gals! Pics and Lengthy Results.[X]
brought to you by

so freaking sianz...

I think I asked for it...for oh well might as well complain...
U know I NEVER got A+ for all 50% of my CA before but this sem...my proj grp mates and myself did it....and now I wasted this 50% by screwing up my paper today...I'm so freaking sianz...it like if I know that I'm "around the mean" then its fine but then I know I screwed it up real bad so the very MOST I think I can get is like B+...
1st qn: I didnt really know what they were talking about...so ended up giving stuff totally irrelevant...then only when I was doing the second part did I realise something was wrong buy it was kinda too late to change...f***
2nd qu: dont know why I chose this qn cos I NEVER studied anything to do with cancer and there were so many proj grps that did on cancer then the intervention I came up with my own freaking one...hope its still accepted but then even then there's no theoretical framework for it!!
3rd qn: my supposed 'pet' qn cos I did my attachment at IMH but then not enough time so did everything from memory w/o referring...hope this qn will salvage something at least...
sigh...so freaking sianz!

Past few days...

The past few days have been moving rather slowly and worse...rather unproductively...
Sat ans Sun I covered only 2 chaps of gen bio each day (though I could have done at least 3)...
the gd side of it was that I spent more time talking with me sis and even played badminton with her on mon...then yest was real bad cos I caught the flu and only covered three lect notes...
today was better...k on the phone now...blog again later...

A More +ve Outlook...

Inspired by what someone said on her blog, I shall try to change my blog to be more +ve and less dark...hence the new look...(also couldnt find a nicer one from blogspot...) So I will attempt to share with u guys certain memories in my life thus far lah...prob the interesting or happy ones...like this person said...it will be a happy day if u want it to be!!

My First Crush...(hee hee)...

I rem my first crush was someone in my group during my confirmation camp in 1994 when I was in sec2. She shall be known as C, least someone knows her. Anyway, got to know her and all during the camp and was just attracted lah. It's like prior to that all I could be bothered with girls and would rather play soccer, study, hang out, and do band stuff...till the camp. Never saw her b4 till the camp...prob cos she was in the sat classes...anyway being the cowardly me on the last day, all I managed to get was her address!! (Hey tt already took me a lot of courage lei! somemore if u had seen the hairstyle I had at tt time!! almost as bad as kessy! ;)
So I decided to write her a letter...the exact contents of which fail my memory, though I rem asking her out for a movie...but the best part is my fren, Gerald, and myself decided it was best if we delivered it personally...heh...so we went down to Lor Ah Soo to hand the letter to her...but u see we didnt dare to ring the doorbell so we were walking up and down her door (it was on the ground floor) until her grandmother came out to presumably check on us! haha we left the letter in her mailbox in the end. She actually wrote a reply to me (I was really stunned by this)...I still have the letter...(rem thinking her handwriting was damn nice - our subjective lens probably)...she said she wouldnt mind catching a movie at Lido or something on a particular date...but by the time I got the letter it was like a day away or something and Gerald and myself decided in the end that it was too late to get a reply for her and in the end...we didnt meet up or anything. Somehow I didnt carry on the correspondence.
It was exciting while it lasted. Anyway, the next time I saw her was actually on 156 when I was in NJ...I was sitting in my seat stoning when I noticed this CJ gal looking in my direction (she was sitting on those seats which face everyone in the bus)...then i realised it was C! haha and I was so damn sure she was telling her bf abt me! arg! so embarrassing! ya then since then saw her a few times at St Francis Xavier Church too...
haha k tt's all for now...feel young recalling this...k more next time...ciao~ c",)

*oh ya and I just remembered....Keenan, Sharon, Gary, Carol were all from the same camp and I didnt even rem seeing a single one of them!!! haha hope u guys dont know who I m talking about...heh...*

Eventful Day

I would consider today eventful. Lots of things happening...
Morn woke up to prepare for 230pm paper...I realised why I'm so slack this sem...cos all 4 of my exams are open book exams but contrary to popular belief, you have to study for open-book exams...if u dont read and read there, you're just gonna screw urself up...
went to sch to collect my reports...got 80/100 for my GEK report...wasnt very happy about it at first cos I expected and since the final grade for this mod depends on the report (50%) and my rival got 90!! I dont know why I always lose out to him..bloody life sci guy! haha but he has spurred me on too...just hope I get a gd grade for this mod cos its like a big hope for me this sem...a BIG tHaNk yOu to all 20 guys who made it possible... :-)
then went to collect my sw3202 paper from Dr Ow...still had time to joke with her...but there wasnt a grade for tt paper...just ticks...hmmm n its 30% the exam i took just now was 50% couldnt finish but just see how it goes lor...it was quite funny cos Liz was asking me how come the sw ppl taking the exam were like all so happy b4 the exam...we were laughing n joking whilst our socio counterparts at Eusoff Hall were quite glum...haha...dont know why man...then Mavis could even rem tt we sat beside each other exactly a yr ago for sw2105!! also by the same lecturer! haha...then the exam went by...a little too quickly...
then walked to Heng Mui Keng with Pearlyn cos she stays Kent Ridge...found out then a fren of ours had a breakdown and wont be taking her exams this sem...do pray for her. Reminded me of the 'breakdown' I had yr2 sem1...dont think I told u guys...only Yas knew cos I sms her to ask her to pray for me...it was b4 my social psych paper and I was just like crying n crying at home alone...sigh~ it was a really bad feeling...I just couldnt study no matter what...then during the exam itself I paniced too cos I didnt expect the compulsory qn to come out on Altruism...rem someone saying b4 the exam tt it never come out b4 so I didnt bother looking thru again...heh...so guys do take care ya...dont like let these exam stuff get to u too much...it's an experience I hope i never get to experience again.

Went Seah Im for my fav teh~ then took the train back.
It was indeed a very interesting ride. Firstly, there was this bunch of kids who were from a special sch...and they took a portion of the train then there was this guy who I think was ID (Intellectually Disabled) grunting quite loudly...there were a lot of ppl staring at them...I mean what's up man...why are Singaporeans so rude? Cant they leave these ppl alone? I mean to observe awhile is fine but to stare the whole damn journey?? I tried staring at those ppl but they were too engrossed. The special ppl I saw in the train just reminded me how much love they need and it saddens me to think that there are many more out there who dont get it. I myself cant say I can really reach out to these ppl...esp during yr1 went we went to the Spore Spastic Asso near Markli's place...was quite saddening...
anyway on a brighter note...there was this cute little boy who reached out to grab me...haha...he was so damn cute! really made my day!
And I realised this is the 1st sem I didnt get a 'gd luck' sms from chunky mark!! arg! miss ya man...heh...hope you're having fun...
k gonna end here...one full week to my next paper...hope I can get some work done...God bless one n all...

Happy Brithday Margaret...

I wanted to go down to visit her with a packet of Super 3-in-1 coffee but in the end I didnt...cos I felt I shd stay home to study. Not tt I covered much. I dont know why I had it written down on my calender...but I have decided to visit her after my exams...gonna make the effort...sometimes I feel that I dont have the right priorities in life.
Abt studies...dont seem to be able to do much...my exam is on fri and here I m covering the readings for the very first time with so much more to go...n there's like no stress...some would call it calmness...otherwise bochapness...u decide which describes me...I dont want to whine here cos I know most of u will prob say..."here he goes again..." I hope what you guys say is true.

"He loves each one of us as if there were only one of us." This was given to me by Jamie...a girl in my cat class...man I'm a sucker for such stuff...I love them all!!!

To all those...

who have been with me in sch,
to those who read my blog,
to those who leave ur much appreciated comments,
to those who keep in touch with me,
to those who I will rem always,
to those who have been praying for me,
I love you guys...take care.

disappointed...

I just got feedback on a presention...my proj gro got 2 excellents and 3 goods...
it may seem gd to u guys but I know one grp got 5 excellents....so....
n the thing is 20%....sigh...
anyway....300% of CAs down...200% of exams to go...

My Godson, Aaron and me...to view the other photos you guys can check out: http://community.webshots.com/user/nick_net_toe

A Phone Call

I just got off my hp after a conversation tt lasted more than 1.5hrs. This may not be amazing to many but for a person who has talked to very few ppl from NUS on the phone (can be counted with one hand) and who has recently withdrawn from most of society, I would think it quite remarkable.
D called me to ask abt a paper tt we have due but we ended up sharing with each other about how screwed up this sem is. I kinda shared with her everything I felt and went thru this sem,which surprisingly I've not really done with anyone else. As I recall what happened, what was said, what I went thru and what I felt, couldnt help but relive some of those emotions and feelings. starting feeling sad for awhile. sigh.
She's having issues too and I hope she gets better, esp her health.

I don't know why but I've really withdrawn into a shell this sem. I rather be alone. I want to be by myself. I will eat dinner by myself at Seah Im hawker centre with my fav hokkien mee and 2 teh-tariks. I will walk ard aimlessly, thinking. I will wish I had another life, somewhere else more carefree. With a different script to follow.

But I'm stuck here. I don't like who I am. But I can't change that. I wish I looked different...may be like Julian...but I can't. I seem so alone. but is it in my mind? anyone else seems to have someone else. (I named a few names but I decided better not to)...those tt i m close to have others' in their lives or r no longer in NUS...what's the pt of being a swinging bachelor when you're swinging by urself? I realised I've not really gotten to know many ppl since yr2...am I keep feeling unable to maintain frenships anymore.

As the soothing night wind carresses my face,
my eyes are struggling to keep awake.
I think back to those happy days,
when things were fine and time again,
we would meet for lunch in the arts canteen.
You came to find me once in the lib,
we watched Happy Tree Friends till our next appt.
You were fun to be with,
someone I could be myself with,
someone who I would listen to,
and sometimes you would listen too.
Slowly but surely I would soon find,
that I had made the worse decision of my life,
to fall for someone tt was a fren,
for now she's gone, but a distant memory.
It's not tt she's avoiding me,
I don't know what's best to do.
The words she used had hurt me so,
even now I can't let go.
Sometimes when I see things,
they just seem perfect to be hers,
but I know I shdnt be buying things,
for doing so would mean I can't let go.
I normally would pray for deliverance,
but I dont buy tt shit anymore.
There's a lot of things inside me,
none of which you would wanna see,
but pls still say hi and you're my fren,
for the person tt you know me as is slowly slipping away,
And I hope that he comes back one day,
till then adios my frens,
fare-de-well to thee!

Memories...and a sharing...

Some memories came back to me today...

1. Just about a year ago I attended a funeral. It's always disturbing to attend a funeral of someone younger than you. Though I didnt know her personally, it still struck me. She was my fren's sis. I rem the day in tutorial when we were having discussion, when I saw J looking at me...then I smiled but there wasnt a response from her. Then I waved and realised that she was just staring blankly into space...so happened to be in my direction. After class I asked whether she was ok. She just shrug her shoulders. Her frens' non-verbals told me I shdnt probe. A few days later I got an sms asking those who could to attend her sis and cousin's funeral. Only then did it strike me that her sis and cousin were the ones I had read about in the newspaper. They had passed away in a car accident in Australia. The funeral service was sad. Sigh. Made me think a lot abt life. And I kept plaing scenarios of my own loved ones dying. Man...oh well...a year on...I see my fren once in awhile in sch...I wonder if she has gotten over it. I dont think we ever get over such stuff.

2. I flipped my calender a few days back and what I saw surprised me. On it I had the birthday of a lady I met at Chesire Home. CSS ppl went there for comm service during Lent. I dont know how come I know her bday or even wrote it down. The best part is tt once I saw the date I know what I intended to get her - a packet a 3-in-1 Super coffee...she loves coffee but I dont know whether I will go down there on the 15th...shd I? I dont know.

Something to share:
I read it in my gen bio text today...shows how screwed up US is. haha...quite funny to me lah. Its abt the red wolf, the grey wolf and the coyote. U see the population of red wolves was getting so bad that they were going extinct so the conservation ppl in US wanted to conserve this animal, listed it as an endangered animal and all lah. This govt scientist analyzed the skulls of the three animals and concluded that the grey wolf and the coyote prob evolved from the red wolf as the red wolf had skull structures that were in between the other 2 animals. So the US ended up spending about US$1million a year from 1980 conserving the red wolf. Then years later, someone challenged the hypothesis and stated that the red wolf was in fact not a species in itself but a hybrid of the grey wolf and coyote. The govt scientists scoffed at this and another scientist decided to confirm this by running test on DNA n stuff. Guess what they found? Well the red wolf is a hybrid of the grey wolf and coyote as it contains DNA from both but no unique DNA of its own! haha so the bloody US had been pumping money into conserving red wolves when they could actually occur naturally. And they even prevented the red wolves from mating with the other 2 species for fear of 'contaminating' the species. SO the red wolf is not a species on its own. BUT due to political reasons, they decided to carry on funding for red wolf conservation as they dismissed the DNA evidence and made a law stating that as long as the endangered species looks like the 'pure form' they would continue spending money on it. So they still consider the red wolf a species on its own. stupid a**holes. hahahah...do u know how much money they spend...for nothing??

k tt's all for now...will be blogging again soon...ciao~

Things that I've learnt...

there's so many things I learnt this week about stuff and about myself...
1. from today's Simpsons episode: I watched this episode b4...the one where Maude, Flaunder's wife, dies. Flaunder has to get over the sudden death of his wife and the unthinkable actually happens...he blamed God and stopped going to church...for all of 30 mins tt is cos the next thing u see is him doing after blaming God n declaring tt he wont go to church is him speeding there...I rem being moved by this episode...effect not as great this time...cos it bines with tannine or something in the tea to de-generate it or something...basically its better tt way...didnt know tannine was tt bad for us...

2. learnt from gen bio lect today tt u shd add milk to your tea cos it bines with tannine or something in the tea to de-generate it or something...basically its better tt way...didnt know tannine was tt bad...n did u know tt ppl use stuff like caffeine to kills herbivous?? its like an insecticide...n ppl r downing so much caffeine a day!

3. something about myself: Last fri i was in sch till 1+ sat till 2+ then sunday night 3+ reached home 4+ woke up at 6+ had a presentation at 8+am...I realise how I suck at handling stress/pressure...realised how bad a leader I was...how I couldnt really involve those who wanted to, then I casually excluded another cos I knew she wasnt interested so I didnt even bother trying to get her down for stuff...then those tt were there were those closer to me...and I kinda pissed some of them off...maybe not there n then...I really couldnt take those nights when the work didnt seem to end or rather couldnt seem to finish...then on Mon when all of us lacked sleep and we had 2 presentations, it was so easy to get irritated...sigh...remains me of my army days when I was this bastard whenever I lacked sleep...just ask my trench-digging buddy...he got the brunt of it...n thanks to me his blank attachment got stolen...(haha but I stole the sergeant's one back)...
anyway just hope tt i coordinate things better, not piss ppl off, and possibly try to include everyone in grp work...sometimes I dont trust certain ppl...sometimes I dont want to inconvenience others...oh well...something I gotta work on...

Forum

Hi all...I'm finalising details for my proj now...then preparing presentation which is like 20%...die man dont know if i can wake up at 6am tomolo...presenting from 8am-11am...dont know when...sigh...oh well...left presentation...hate sch...arg! hope i dont buang on way home...o/w my proj grp mates will really die..k gtg...here's to the night...f***

AS6

here I m now at AS6 dept in sch...outside LT15 to be specific...trying to do my proj which seems to be progressing at snail's pace...what appeared so promising a few days ago is now a nightmare. Can't seem to be able to come out with a proper framework...I mean we are only students...if we could come out with our own theories and frameworks I guess I would apply for his job and get him kicked out?!?! oh well...still in sch...tomolo is another long day...hope it turns out fine...

Arg!

freakin' hell..I lost my Cat class kids' Godparents contacts and their confirmation names...ironically cos I cleared out my table and prob threw it away! so much for being tidy.
Now i dont know who i called, dont have some contacts and have to get all the names again. so irritating.
felt a little guilty jus now for not telling my CGLs tt i wasnt gg for CG...it has become so ingrained in me NOT to attend tt I completely forgot abt it till like 8+? sigh. no guilt abt not attending though...just for now informing karen or reggie....
still feeling agitated still feeling stressed
can somebody whip my candy ass!

hai~ pathetic attempt at poetry.

Cortisol Levels High

The hormone cortisol, which is released in the body during stressed or agitated states, is also known as the so-called "stress hormone." Cortisol is a steroid hormone made in the adrenal glands, which are small glands adjacent to the kidneys. Cortisol secretion increases in response to any stress in the body, whether physical (such as illness, trauma, surgery, or temperature extremes) or psychological. When cortisol is secreted, it causes a breakdown of muscle protein, leading to release of amino acids (the "building blocks" of protein) into the bloodstream. These amino acids are then used by the liver to synthesize glucose for energy, in a process called gluconeogenesis. This process raises the blood sugar level so the brain will have more glucose for energy. At the same time the other tissues of the body decrease their use of glucose as fuel. Cortisol also leads to the release of so-called fatty acids, an energy source from fat cells, for use by the muscles. Taken together, these energy-directing processes prepare the individual to deal with stressors and ensure that the brain receives adequate energy sources.

According to the following I guess it was good that I had high cortisol levels during this weekend.
Today I really got off on the wrong side of bed and I was mean to almost everyone I saw, including my cat class, sis n family. Was so stressed. Guess I'm like the man who got screwed by the boss and came home to kick to dog. Displacement I believe it is called. Things got much better after my afternoon nap. So here I m...alive and wanting to kick something.

Thank you...

for all those who said a prayer for my sis. She's fine though her mouth is kinda stiched up n she has a gold chain connected to one of her tooth thru the gums...they're gonna pull it down a bit every month. My sis is a brave gal...she's been in and out of hospital since 3 cos of asthma...n she's proudly showing off her 4 extracted teeth whilst me n my bro cringe at their sight.

Thanks also to all those who have been left your words on my blog...means a lot to me. Been feeling alone recently. Can't even get a dinner kaki...a anything kaki...I realise I tend to be ard for ppl but its not reciprocated. I have a few gd frens but they really have their own lives n at least ONE person they can count on. I don't seem to have any such ONE person anymore. Sucks.

Request...

My sis will be going for a minor op tomolo...to remove a tooth that is near her nose...its quite near the sinus n she will be under GA. Pls say a little prayer for her ya? Can't help worrying for her though its supposed to be nothing serious. But still not local anaetesia lor...its GA! have to be at NUH by 730 tomolo morn...k thanks one n all.

I think this is a little extreme!!!

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.
Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,
source:ca80.lehman.cuny.edu/.../
images/fallen_angel.jpg

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by

STB Scholarship Interview Round 1

I went for the first round of the STB Scholarship Rounds yest at STB. It's this really cool place in town...behind Tanglin Mall there. There was a group of about 20 of us. Went alone, ending up knowing two girls there. Most of the ppl were from arts but I have not seen most of them before. It was quite interesting. Started off with a briefing abt STB, what it does blah blah blah. Then we were broken up into 3 groups and had to take part in 'games'.
The first activity was actually to prepare for a presentation at the end of the day. As usually, there would be a few guys who wayang and as usu I wasnt in the mood for any of it. My group had lots of guys...like 5 guys and 2 gals...the other grps had the oppo composition. Anyway, one of the girls didnt speak up at all cos the guys were dominating the show, cos there were ppl assessing all of us. Felt we did quite a lousy job cos at the end of the 20mins we still didn't really get anything concrete out.
The second activity was better cos I had quite a bit to chip in. It was called some "Man on the moon" thingy where we crashed on the moon n had to rank items to bring with us on a mission to get to mother ship or something. Anyway, I started the ball rolling and managed to persuade them to do certain things though some idiots still refused to use my method (which in my opinion was quite efficient!) oh well...then after tt we had to play this game where we had to form into circles and then using our fingers (pretend your hand is a gun position) to lower a hulla-hoop without our fingers losing contact with the hoop. Its not as easy as you think cos the hoop tends to go up unless everyone relaxes.
Then was the deadly presentation. My group was the last and I was the last speaker. Was quite nervous n guess what...the earlier guys took too much time that I only had 30 sec+ to speak and I was cut off b4 I could even make my 2nd point. Sigh.
Then we had one-on-one interviews. I was the last in my group. Sigh. You know my problem?? I can't lie. And the assessor was good. He could tell that I still couldnt "let go" of social work. So he told me to consider carefully first cos they only want ppl who can commit 100% and asked me to email them if I want to be considered for the scholarship.
I don't think I will.

*My Day Today*
I woke up, did some readings and embarked on my 4 page essay. I expected to take 2-3hrs but ended up spending more than 6hrs on it. Sigh. And its a piece of crap. You know how you know after you write it? Sometimes you feel confident (may be misplaced though ;) sometimes you know you are just writing it for the sake of handing it up. I hate it but I cant help it. arg!
Things got much better when I went to Bridget's place for Confirmation meeting. She made wonderful PIZZA for all of us...had cupcakes, fruits (I didnt touch it) and English tea!! haha wonderful! man...journey is ending soon...till then there's so much to do! arg!

k going to edit my essay before submitting it...nitez one n all...

Catechism Class

I had to pray again today. No choice. But i didnt really mind.
Had cat class again today. It'll be ending soon...Confirmation is on the 7th of Nov...there's a mad rush to finalise everything these days. My good-for-nothing assistant pissed me off again this morn...what a way to start the day. Ass...don't even want to keep some documents for me cos he says he will lose them. Grow up man - you cant be a kid forever.
Class went surprisingly well. Considering the fact that I had not put in a lot of effort. Joy even thanked me for the lesson after class. Was so surprised. Not been very patient these days and there were so many times during class when the kids just went on talking n yakking tt I felt I was gonna lose it but I didnt. Thank goodness.
Went for mass (initial plan was to skip mass but alan changed tt)...then had a short meeting after tt...Lyn n Jos joined me at the table...am really glad to know the kids better.
It was last year after my Yr1 Sem2 exams that I joined as a Catechist with Alan. How much things have changed since then. I guess what I can say is that I really love these kids. I don't think like is strong enough a word to describe how I feel. Of cos they piss me off now n then...they make me feel sad at times but there r others when it seems all worth it. I rem it was difficult in the beginning...I dont know why but they kinda change when they came into sec3...I think maybe sec2 they r 'in a phase' still. They were like outrightly sleeping in class, sms-ing in class...doing everything but listen. I still rem the day I walked out of my class after they pissed me off BIG time...I rem putting in SO much for tt class, taking so much time to plan and prepare stuff for tt lesson and even bringing down my laptop to show them a MTV so they wouldnt find lessons so boring. I'm really glad I didnt give up on them or on myself.
They're much better now. They still talk now n then but at least they know when to keep quiet...dont sms in class...n try not to piss me off. I feel I dont know some of them still though but just glad that the class is closer. The class really didnt interact much in the past but at least now I can say that most of them know each others' names (or so i hope).
Another thing is that I've been pestered to become a Godparent. I dont want the responsibilty esp now when I'm spiritually low n all but I think this guy really cant find anyone else and so I reluctantly agreed. Man...what am I getting myself into?? but then again, I think I will make a better Godparent than some of those a**holes who dont even bother coming down for meetings n might not come down for the day of recollection/rehearsal in a few weeks time. I will give my best though.
Walking back n talking with Alan...found it quite sad that it's me and him again. Sigh. It's like so many have come n gone. Those that are here cant really commit tt much. N tt irritating guy who I call assistant is of NO help whatsoever. BUT I'm jus grateful for all the ppl I've met along the way and gotten to know better. You guys know who you are. I just hope that more committed ppl would step forward. W/o ppl to guide the youth what will become of the future of the Church? I don't mean to be a hypocrite. Yes I know I'm a bastard but at least I'm committed to the kids and will do my best to do what I can. I think that's the least I can do.

I hear but I dont listen...

today had a damn embarrassing incident in class...in front of whole seminar group I talked about something totally irrelevant for some time b4 the lecturer decided to cut in n tell me tt...
I realised that recently I've found it much harder to listen to others...I dont know why...think I'm been too self absorbed?

I know You are there...but I don't wanna talk to You...

I have not been attending any CSS stuff for 2 weeks...usu I dont have to find excuses...things just make it impossible to attend...sometimes...well no CGs, no mass, no talks whatever. The closest I came to praying is when I had to lead my class on sunday. Prob will go for cg this coming week...heh...but prayer or not...life still goes on.

Looking back to how I've grown in NUS these 2 yrs...I think this sem I have degenerated to the point that I came into NUS at. Doesnt really bother me now though cos I dont really give a f***.

She's so high -Kurt Nilsen

She's blood, flesh and bone
No tucks or silicone
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen

'Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
She's so high, high above me

First class and fancy free
She's high society
She's got the best of everything
What could a guy like me ever really offer?
She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother?

'Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
She's so high, high above me

She comes to speak to me I freeze immediately
'Cause what she said sound so unreal
But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen

'Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
She's so high, high above me

Cramps...SWISH...

Hey all...not been feeling too good...been having this stomach cramp thingy again! just know tt it started on sunday n it was so bad i had to see a doc...sigh...really think its psychological. but i cant seem to stop it. Will be resting at home more.

SWISH is this NLP technique tt i learnt in my sw3202 class today...it's damn interesting n it works! today i deleted a sad feeling tt i wanted to forget! n it kinda worked. We supposedly can deleted images or memories tt we want to forget. baotian can vouch for it too!! tell u guys more when i feel better...nitez...

Day

Woke up grumpy...irritated...rude to dad n bro...then went arts corner doing my own work...then Ser came along. Ser is this girl, another one of those who like to make use of me and whom I had gotten to know in NUS...the first thing she said to me was,"Nick I thot you were gonna tell me more about Catholicism?!?" I didnt know how to react, what to say. In the end while she studied for her test I wrote her a postcard...which I found out later, she left at the corner.
I realised that this sem is the first sem in my NUS life tt I have stopped reaching out to ppl...I guess I have been so absorbed with myself my own issues that others dont bother mean anything to me anymore?? Sigh.
Went for my GEK1036 lesson (only one I really look forward to attending)...some gd news at least...my Research Proposal was put up on IVLE as one of the models...but its only 10% n like Dr Deng himself said, we can still screw it up. I hope to carry on the gd (or lucky) work...Lit Review due this coming week.
Went to Sci Lab for my Gen Bio assignment...went with this other girl...I usu address her as "the girl who likes to make use of me"...this one is more extreme, the demands can be quite unreasonable sometimes...so much so its amazing...was quite disappointed tt ahbao couldnt go with me too...so just went with this girl...was quite cold towards her...even asked her to "leave first if she wanted" cos I was too absorbed with the fruit flies.
K here's about the fruit flies, Drosophila melanogaster, that we got to look at thru microscopes...quite fun! the flies are alive but kinda anesthetised with "flyNap". Then quite funny when this China girl beside me kinda screamed cos though the flies were sleeping, you can see them move under the microscope. hahahaha...sorry in my mean mood...but playing with the microscope kinda reminded me of the days when I was so interested in sci I really thought I was gonna be a scientist working in a lab all day. To prove this I still have my Edu-Sci Microscope (somewhere in the storeroom)...I really loved looking at all the specimies (arg I can't freaking spell!!!) under the microscope. I also realised that my hands shake too much to be able to shift the flies gently from one side to the other. We learned how to distinguish the males from the females. heh...apparently the easiest way (to me) is just to look at the abdomen...the males have this more rounded and blackish abdomen near the posterior end. Then the cool part was looking at the mutated flies, vestigial wing mutants. These flies had a gene modified and the result is super small wings which means they can't fly! Ironic how they are still called flies eh? Then the last mutant flies that we saw had multiple mutations, they had like white compound eyes, small wings and forked-bristles...heh real cool! but a little unethical? I dont know.
then headed down to town...got a little card n poster for e-Nel b4 heading home.
A little story abt e-Nel...she is like the first gal I had a major crush on in NUS? I think so lah...up to today I still think that she is the most 'attractive' gal ard (k ahbao...iliep and aniger also k ;) she looked gd today lah in her Green Zara top...White Zara mini-skirt...n make-up. heh. but the party was kinda awkward for me lah cos I like didnt really know anyone else...just went cos when I wanted to backup...Dan said tt she wished I could be there too...so there I was. Luckily Cher was gd enuff to entertain me lah...but for most of time I like had to daydream...heh...then watched my 1st episode of Spore Idol...such a crap show...kelong one. but had a nice walk alone out from Aloha Loyang to Aranda there to take bus.
So here I m now...been rather mean recently...irritable...hope I get better soon...if only this were PMS...then I know it would end.