St Anne's Feastday & Funfair '05

I had fun today. Comparing myself back to last year when alan and myself got a shady deal - wearing this lime-green polo-tee and having to become the fatigue party: the team of macho men in tight tees who you can summon to clear rubbish, get u drinks or clear your table. This year, the CP3s had to man the Frog Jump game stall. It was fun. Hot though but the thing I was most pleased with is that EVERY single person in my cat class went. I was suspecting that Kenneth might find an excuse to run off, Melvin, Watson & Wilson won't show and Fabiola might be too tired to come. Was really pleasantly surprised when all came and all helped out even if it was for a short while. Thanks a million to those like Wayne & MarkC who helped out even though they didn't need to. Ed & Peter, thanks for ur dedication n big heart for helping out so long. I liked it cos this year, the kids ran the show lah and I could just slack at the back :)
Had a gd time walking about n all too.
*side track*
have to tell you guys a pick-up line that came to my mind yest. I tried tripping one of the girls in my cat class cos she was suaning me then it occured to me.
First I try to trip the girl. Then she'll prob ask, "why did you do that???" Then I say, "Cos I want you to fall for me!" :D and give a goofy grin (the kind Maurice is great at).
The prob with this was that I verbalised it to my cat class kids and now they insist that I'm trying to get Cheryl to fall for me. Oh man, my mistake, my mistake.
*back to funfair*

Went home rather tired but had to stay awake so that I could reach church by 430pm for the procession rehearsal. The statue which my cat class kids had to carry was heavy man; my arms were trembling when Anthony and myself shifted it. I'm quite proud that all 8 of them - Dion, Sudi, Darry, Charles, Averil, Bern, Cherlyn & Cheryl - managed to pull it off. Saw them struggling but in the end they managed to pull thru. heh. Mass was good and overall, it was a good day. Good Day.

Had dinner at KFC in Compasspoint with 6 of them and chatted for awhile, n let the guys show me some magic card tricks. Then escorted Sudi, Charles, Cherlyn & Cheryl to grab a cab. All 4 of them squeezed at the back :)

Interacting with them, talking to them, hanging out with them made me think about myself when I was their age. When I attended catechism. Sadly, I don't rem ANYone in my class. I was shy back then; talking to girls was something like a last resort thing and I could never be myself when with them. I wish I were more sociable and outspoken then. Maybe I would have made more frens, maybe I would have been more popular, maybe I would have more female frens, maybe. Then I think about the other ppl in my class, about the quieter ones. The ones who are as shy as, if not more shy than I was back then. I guess that's the reason why i try to include them all the time. I know how they feel? And it's a good thing cos once you've been there you know how it feels and you'll want to make them feel comfortable, that they're important and include them in the things u do. Sometimes, things can get dominated by the more prominent ppl in the class n the rest are left out. I guess tt's why I was shy in the past. Just glad that I'm close to the kids. Gonna make an effort to reach out to the rest. k tired sia~ next week will be intensive research. tt's my promise to myself. here's to 100 years of Mugging - NUS!!!

Of Tuesdays, emotions, selfishness and songs.

Finally managed to catch Tuesdays with Morrie on Hallmark channell and I must admit it was rather embarrassing. Holding back tears in front of my mum and sis. Even during the first part when my mum asked rather ignorantly:" he's gonna die right?" I burst into tears and half laughing and crying I burst out "yes, yes..." It's a good show lah. I want to read it again but I realised I lent it to someone and the person hasn't returned. The best part is that I can't rem who I lent it to. :(

reading blogs lead me to think...

1. I don't consider myself an MCP. I believe that girls are equal, if not superior to guys in most areas. With the obvious exception of driving of cos. I don't mind opening doors, giving way etc etc to girls without thinking twice. BUT I don't like it when girls take it as a given that it MUST be the way. I don't know about you guys lah but I think it rather hypocritical if girls demand equality and still expect all these things to be done. Doesn't equality mean both genders (notice the use of gender as compared to sex) does not have to be 'served' by the other?
Taking this argument a notch further, is there really equality in the judicial system? Doesn't anyone realise that our legal system is biased against guys, especially in divorce proceedings. I think times have changed and with more women working instead of home-making, these same laws which was legislated to protect them should be revised.

2. I took this part off the comment I left on Surely's blog :p
Many things in life are relative I guess and knowing someone else out there is worse off than you never fails to make most feel better. Don't you realise there's something inherently selfish in that statement? Human nature I guess. I'm guilty of that too. I didnt make this statement to judge anyone ya so don't misunderstand. I just realised it lah. Many a times I feel better knowing that there are others going thru what I am or worse off than me. What do you think?

ANyway, tomolo is St Anne's Food & Funfair...hope it's fun!! I'm helping out in the FrogJump Game Stall.

Leave you guys with a song:

Everything -Lifehouse (Smallville Soundtrack)

Find me here, speak to me

I want to feel you, I need to hear you

You are the light that's leading me to the place

Where I find peace again

You are the strength that keeps me walking

You are the hope that keeps me trusting

You are the life to my soul

You are my purpose

You're everything

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

You calm the storms and you give me rest

You hold me in your hands

You won't let me fall

You still my heart and you take my breath away

Would you take me in, take me deeper now

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Cause you're all I want, you're all I need

You're everything, everything

You're all I want

You're all I need

You're everything, everything

You're all I want

You're all I need

You're everything, everything

You're all I want

You're all I need

Everything, everything

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this


I hope to be able to sing this song and mean what it says, one day. One day.

Frustration / Poem

I feel quite frustrated now. Wanna screw everything but I can't. I'm both hard-hearted and soft-hearted. Hard-hearten enough to feel like screwing it all but bitching about it. But soft-hearted enough to still go on with it and endure. According to the Law of Noncontradiction, I shouldn't exist.
The following poem (though I think it sounds more like a song) was written by my former cat class student...

“Liar,” I scream, “Liar!” again.
The drums began rolling
Now I’m in the game
How I’ve sought injustice;
Now living it well
Thought I’ll die shattered?
Your tongue swells.

You live on your mendacity;
Be afraid, they bite.
Like thunder in a storm,
They’ll haunt you at night.

Be fearful, my dear.
Be petrified.
When your season’s over,
I’ll rise from the vault.
Though I’ve never perished,
Your eyes only feint.
This rapport might betray
This odium never expires.

A song of today's teen. Thanks for letting me put this up G** ;)

Hive of activity

It's a been a very busy past few days.

Sat - planning for cat class. It went kinda well. I think it's better when I'm more relaxed and things run more smoothly. mass was at 8pm so decided to head down to King's. watched a lot of Troy first b4 heading down to CarkeQuay and Boat Quay area. Explored this place called Gallery Hotel which is some botique apartment place and discovered a few pubs there. too bad we couldn't explore the swimming pool. it would have been cool. headed down to eski but decided to drink at Hooegarden first. Had a full pint then watched Ian drink a waterfall. spectacular!! then we had a shot of tequila each...sweet. headed down to eski and had a gd time chilling out (pun intended). had supper and a fag with the guys. saw SerP there. Haven't seen her in awhile. Oh well, it's better like this. hung out n chatted a bit (jon n greg we shd do more nights like this) and then took a wonderful bath in the bathtub! I love bathtubs (though this one was a little too small/short for me)!! when I came out, everyone was asleep...n I shared a bed with Jon...how nice! ;)

Sun - woke up with the urge to swim so was grateful that Ian and Jon who initially wanted to sleep more joined us. Barry and I headed for the steambath first, then 15 mins in the Suana and then a dip in the pool! heavenly! after we checked out, I had lunch alone at Raffles City BK then decided to head for the New National Lib. The view from the 14th floor is fantastic man. Checked out the social sci section on L7 and found a few books on social work. Not bad. Sat at this table with the view of suntec, marina area. How to concentrate like that? ;) the lifts offer a great view too...second only to Pan Pacific Hotel's lifts! I skipped the basement though cos it was packed. Hate crowds.
Met CY at abt 3pm and we went to Paulaner Munchen for beer. Went shopping for ahbao's present then ate the famous curry puff. Went to drink beer again and then ate Carl Jr's! It's fantastic man! DEFINITELY the BEST burger I've eaten. Had the super star. It's like the whopper but with TWO beef patties. Of cos, it's damn ex lah...we had to move off so we couldn't get the meal which is 10 bucks (more worth it). My Super Star cost $6.90! But money well spent lah (once in awhile ok lah).
then went back to Paulaner Munchen for the third time. The beer and wine is 1-for-1 from 2pm-8pm sundays n mondays. By the end of the day, I had drank close to 2 litres of beer. It's gd stuff. oh then we were writing ahbao's card n setting up the cake when she found us. What a surprise...for us tt is. heh. but had a gd time drinking n snacking. And once again, Tock, that wonderful guy sent us all home! heh.

I got some good news. News that when I first read about on Sat evening in my dad's car, it brought a broad smile to my face. I thank you God from the very depth of my soul. Thank you for what you have given me and for your affirmation.

Singapore National Employers' Federation Medal (Bronze) 2004-2005
Special Book Prize (Social Work) 2004-2005

I guess this is the pinnacle. Year 4 is starting soon. I will do my best. And all I do, I do it in Your Name. Amen.

thoughts.

Been going out quite often these days. Sch too of cos since I have work to do but haven't been doing much. Been hanging out with CY n his fren Francis. Been playing Winning Eleven at the co-op too. Just came back from a 50 buck dinner which was nice. Just chilling out and having a good meal. Looking forward to the German meal in August! :D
thesis, thesis, thesis. suicide is still on my mind but it's gonna be damn hard to get respondents + the ethics board might not approve of it. considering Caregiver burden too, possibly on Alzheimer pts?
Was thinking on 156 jus now...how stereotypes lead to misattribution but it's more a psych topic than a sw one.
something happened the other day that really struck me. how my words which many a times I don't choose wisely, can affect someone so much. sigh. If someone complains of not having any power I'll tell that person off. We all have some power. The power to affect others, both positively and negatively, with our words and actions. I hope there never comes a time when I regret the words that come out of my mouth.

Iceman? Feelings.

You scored as Iceman. Iceman is a very powerful but volitile X-man. His ego and reluctance to follow orders means that he often clashes with Cyclops. Despite being immature sometimes, he's very popular with the ladies and is an extremely powerful X-Man. Powers: Can lower the temperature in areas around him. Basically, he has a near limitless ability to freeze things and make massive amounts of ice. Iceman 85% Wolverine 75% Cyclops 75% Beast 75% Colossus 65% Nightcrawler 60% Jean Grey 55% Storm 50% Rogue 45% Gambit 45% Emma Frost 35% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz created with QuizFarm.com

Here I am again. Sitting in front of my laptop. Listening to my fav song, Collide. Typing away at the laptop. This has become a routine. You know, I guess I like this song so much cos I feel the words it speaks. Or rather it's a wish I have spelt out in a song?
I'm been enjoying myself, spending lots of money and going out with ppl. Something I admit I haven't been doing for a long time. I've been in the AS, stay at home, don't go out mode for a long time now. Glad I snapped out of it. But somehow I feel, at the end of the day, everything's the same. The same emotion I feel. The same emotion since as long as I rem. I wish things were different.
I guess I'm gonna bury myself in work in yr4. I guess the frenships I've made will come undone as the sem, yr passes. Such has been the case a few times already.
I think I thrive on melancholy. It can get you down but it can make life...interesting (?). Maybe it's in my nature. Maybe it's deeply ingrained in myself. But I don't see it as a bad thing. I find it hard to describe exactly what I am feeling now. I just hope God will patch it up.
To better, more productive and most importantly, Happy Days.

Catechism

I feel much better now. I felt lousy just now. I mean I think mass and dinner helped a lot and of cos the company I had. Thank you Ed n Alan. THank you for being my frens and sharing a gd meal and hanging out.
I don't know why but I always get this feeling. More so after confirmation camp when I'm (maybe) a little too chummy with my cat class kids. They sit on your head. It's like Sud and Dion were just talking as if they were in their own world and I didnt exist. Sigh. I like them but this is too much. I know I haven't been spending much time planning lessons but the fact remains that EVERY week I try to come out with something tt is all fun, educational, religious at the same time. So this week it was some crossword puzzle thingy which I kinda treated as a test but it was something different and I'm sure they'll learn at least something from that. But things don't always go as planned. The get to know each other session (which I felt was needed) also didnt go as well as expected. My first outburst at the class. Sigh.
DUring mass, I considered seriously whether I should resign. I choose the word resign instead of quit becos I feel that it's more appropriate. I've given it thought. I'm thinking of stepping down cos I feel that I'm not of much use anymore rather than me feeling sianz and tired. Actually I do feel tired and sianz but I feel it's cos I feel that I'm not doing much.
I'm not gonna quit just like this though. I will at the very least see this batch thru as I did last yr. One step at a time, and hopefully by the end of the yr, I'll know what I shd do.

Dilemma / NKF

Been thinking about how I am gonna spend the last yr of my academic life. I would like to maximise it and all but I think tt I'm much more likely to end up studying like mad. I guess that's the prob when your cap is on a boundary and doing badly in one sem can kinda bring u down one class of honours. As some of my frens agreed, I'll prob MUG. What a way to go.

Been reading about the NKF saga in the newspaper and I must say that I'm totally disgusted with the CEO. First, he smacks of such pompous arrogance that you can hardly believe he's in charge of an organization that depends on the kindness of public donations. Second, he's a liar as reflected in the things that he mentioned about flying first-class and about how long NKF's reserves can last etc. A manipulator could be a synonym to describe him.
I mean how can an organization that relies on public trust mis-use the funds as such? Can you justify using donations to maintain your damn Merc, give yourself a big fat salary and fly first-class? I think it's ridiculous! There are so many other charities out there that need the funds and here we have NKF using public money for their luxury? GOLD TAP?!? I'm just totally disgusted lah. WTF!

Changing...judging

there was something about myself that I liked and that was not being easily influenced by what others said. In that sense, I was independent of others' opinions and stuff. It served me well mainly in the area of judging ppl. Even though I learnt tt someone has this reputation for being such and such, I wouldn't allow it to colour my perception of that person. I was always tell myself to give the person the benefit of the doubt and to let my personal experiences with that person determine if he/she's a good person etc.
What I learnt recently is that my opinions of certain ppl have become influenced by what some gd frens of mine said to me. I don't know why but my actions end up being mediated (for lack of a better word) and I end up pre-judging these ppl. Even if these ppl have been frens for some time. Sigh. It's difficult expressing my feeling without being specific. I just want me to be what I was in this aspect. Give others a chance. Don't judge them. Don't do what you don't like others doing.

Friendster Surprise

heyhey...I don't know about you guys but Friendster is about the best voyuering tool ard to check up on someone cute ;) k but right, this guy added me recently and totally stunned me. His name is Nick Netto and he requested me to add him cos he realised we have the same name. The best part is that he's Singaporean too and NOT a relative. heh. wow...

Sick / Band of Brothers

I'm feeling sick. Had a fever which went up to 39+ on fri when I went to see the doc. Sat was better in the sense the fever subsided but my whole body was aching. Today, things turned for the worse and I have this terrible flu despite taking flu tablets? heh and I can't seem to do anything. Sigh. I hate this helpless feeling. Haven't felt it in a while.
I want to help out for FOC f/u
I want to start thinking/researching for my thesis
I need to rest first

Anyway, I caught the entire series of Band of Brothers and it got me thinking about myself, my army days, the things I did and all. Basically, it was a really touching series lah. I think that I won't be able to cope with what they did. The conditions, the stress, the sacrifices etc. If there's one thing i feel that the army was good at was its ability to reveal one's inner most self. The self that you can't fake cos after fatigue and all the shit that is thrown at you, you just can't put up a mask anymore. As the words used in the book, Airframe said: When the shit hits the fan, you've to perform. I rem the worst week in my NSF life, "hell-week". I rem the shit I put my buddy into. K just to clear the air, I don't purposedly get MCs n stuff but when the shit hits the fan, I don't really perform either. heh. I kinda get emotional n all. heh. oh well...I think that my army frens wouldnt be able to recognise me now. AND i hope that if i were put into the same situation again, I'll handle it differently. I hope.

Anyway, I'm too tired to type anymore. Just wanna say Good Health to all.