Some things have to be said again...

I love you guys.

Today went to work as usu except I was damn tired after the FOC meeting last night...one thing I learnt at the meeting...when you are prompted to say something, dont hold back...just say it. I felt this need to say a few words...I held back...in the end I realised it might have helped somebody come forward.

Met glo for 'dinner' cos I had a bbq which I had conveniently forgotten...was nice just sitting n chatting...feel bad that I couldnt meet Nefario, AGT, Mr Vile n Balien for dinner...we have to meet up sometime...I hope I dont have to wait a yr man...heh...

went for the BBQ organized by my cat class kids at River Crest...Ethelyn's condo...was so gd to see them again...not many ppl turned up though...Lyn n her bf, Jos, Joy, Henry Bo, Henry Vel, Aaron, Gen, Ethe, Leandro, Aloy, Jeremiah (hmmm did i miss out anyone??) I think that more than anything...the kids miss suaning me cos from the moment I came...Lynette couldnt stop suaning me from my gleaming head to my "fried fish" shirt...didnt eat much though and we couldnt really keep the fire going...by the time i reached the satay had finished n only hotdogs n chicken wings were left...was fun though and somehow Henry, Jos n Me ended up being the ones who tended the pit...heh...now I got pimples thanks to the oil n ash (right jos? ;)
post bbq was prob more fun cos we went over to lyn's place to chill out at the basketball court...then we sat down n played games...tried teaching them some games CSS ppl like to play (though i don't) like Polar Bear, Animal Game etc but they seem SOOOO obsessed with Truth or Dare...heh...but quite interesting lah to find out some secrets...muahahaha...at the end of the day it was just wonderful company...just a little tinge of sadness for like Gen said..."too bad we have Os next yr"...hope that we'll continue to keep in touch thru the yrs...for now I would like to say thanks for the memories...I love you guys.

Boxing Day

It seems that I've turned into a nocturnal creature...n a beautiful one at it.

Just came back from keenan's place after breakie at Jackson's...gonna miss such things man after nan shifts to CHOICE retreat house. Oh well. Day started slack enuff with me just lazing online....didnt even bother going church today which isnt a gd thing...but somehow my family has been skipping mass. Then James n myself arranged to meet in the evening for dinner n stuff...so ended up meeting James, Alan, Darryl, MelD n Rachel for dinner...it was quite fun talking crap n hanging out...then the guys decided to play pool n Clemence joined us...quite an interesting game n I managed to win the last one by just keeping a low profile n letting the others kill each other off...heh...then went over to nan's to watch The Count of Monte Cristo...I found the show fine but nan thot it was too slow moving...heh but not bad lah I dont like the forgive n forget crap...there has to be some vengence man! n we had a gd time with our comments n predicting what was gonna happen...heh...
after the movie we lied down n chatted...talking abt a mixture of stuff...serious stuff...then 'girl' stuff...heh ;) oh n I bitched abt certain things in CSS too...heh who better to bitch abt it then to the president right? :p oh well...realised tt next sem gonna be quite busy...
then at abt 0526 nan decided that he wanted to sleep n I decided that I wanted to go have breakfast n make my way home...heh tt's when the fun began...haha nan kept pretending to be asleep whilst I tickled him...disturbed him...on the lights...threaten to sabo him etc. heh he even managed to lock me out of his room! heh but being the softie tt he is I was in again in no time!! haha so by 0550+ we were walking out to jackson's! woohoo!! so feeling guilty for dragging nan for breakie I decided to treat him...heh...
talked a bit more...I've decided to go for A retreat b4 sch starts...the thing is I have not decided which one....(1) Silent Retreat at Bt Tiram: I've been wanting to go for this silent retreat since last hols...the thing holding me back is the $90 cost...think its gd and I want this kind of concept where u do more reflection by urself...not really with others...no distractions n all...somemore heard from Joel tt the place is very nice n conducive. (2) CHOICE: nan has been bugging me to go for it n Ed has mentioned it a few times too...its much cheaper but it seems tt there's this grp aspect which I dont really want...asked nan abt the program but he said tt cant tell...n somemore charkwa shd be leaving on the 8th n it clashes with this...
oh well will be thinking abt this seriously n decide by this coming week...i really need at least ONE retreat to (hopefully) get me back on track spiritually...
whilst walking to the mrt I tried taking a pic of the full moon with my hp but couldnt really capture it...I guess many things in life are like tt...no eloquence of words or collage of pictures can fully capture the feeling of a moment...u have to be there to feel it in its fullest glory...even memories cant recapture the exact intensity of emotions.
Inspired by a few blogs...I shall do some reflection thingy of this yr soon...till then...

Results/Xmas

Think I got a wonderful present in my results...PTL...

Man I never in the world expected these grades...am happy for that...didnt want to tell others but they asked n I decided to tell the truth...in the end everyone said that I lied again...thanks a million wayne for speaking up for me...it really made me feel better...I dont know why but some ppl have been making me feel bad for doing well when I SHOULD NOT be feeling this way...it's like when I took the paper I really thot it was screwed...esp my medical paper...in fact I was so upset abt it I was thinking abt it everyday AFTER the exams...up till now I dont know how I got the A+...gen bio is confirmed moderated n I guess I was lucky to get an A...was hoping for a B+ or A- Don't worry I won't complain or speak about it with u guys next sem...thanks to those like Wayne for understanding...I mean haven't u had the same experience? Have you guys ever thought it might be cos of my low S.E.???

anyway had a gd time at Karen's place...though I was being bullied with 'Thai Poker' heh...had to kiss Owen (karen's dog) once somemore! thanks a mill karen for opening up ur place!! n thanks for the company...esp my breakie kaki...heh...

recently I've been irritated by someone that I had (no choice) to come into contact with and (sigh) I'll have to see his bloody face more often this coming sem cos I will be working with him...hope I have more patience...

k shd not end off on a bad note...so here's wishing one n all a Merry Xmas...I think I shd get some sleep though I aint tired at all...

Xmas Bash/23rd Bday

I'm waiting for some reply smses now...wayne/alan pls reply to confirm whether there is soccer!! I woke up after sleeping for some 12 hrs...damn shack man...went to work yest with only one hr sleep...that's why I couldnt make it to Angie's place...heh...
ANyway...thanks a mill to all those who made Xmas Bash so fun...have to say this is the best one I attended thus far. Simply fab...damn funny too...great Hosts...hilarious skits...heh...n of cos a nice "expected but not appreciated any less" birthday celebration. :) thanks guys
thanks to all those who sms me greetings, wished me on the phone or online...n those who wished in person...thanks for bringing back the cheer that just the day b4 I couldnt feel. Thanks for the pressies...such thoughtful gestures that I'll treasure...may u all have a blessed Xmas...God bless...

Philosophical Techno Song??

I started to listen to my best techno self-compiled CD recently..think this song is kinda philosophical...heh...

Castles in the Sky - Ian van Dahl

Do you ever question your life,
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams,
All the castles in the sky.
Oh tell me why, do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why, all the castles way up high,
Please tell me why, do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why, all the castles way up high.

Another of my fav Techno songs...

Daddy DJ -by Daddy DJ

Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let me dance along, until the lights are on
You leave me once again home alone
The fridge is full but my heart is achin'
You think I can make it on my own
Just a kiss and you are gone
Another night like a million before
Another party where I'm not invited
As always you'll heat the dance floor
In front of your turntables going mad
Why don't you keep me close to you
I'm not anymore the kid you knew
Why should I stay deep in the blue
I wanna move my body too
(Chorus)
Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let me dance along, until the lights are on
Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let the music play, until the break of day
We've been aside since I meant to be
A part of you that was just awaking
My life with you is a fantasy
I am your prince and you are my king
You say your thing drives sometimes you insane
You think you're no good father and so you're ashamed
But all I want is to share your pain
Clubbin' the night along and having fun
Why don't you keep me close to you
I'm not anymore the kid you knew
I wanna feel this part of you
I wanna move my body too
(Chorus, x2)
Daddy DJ
Daddy DJ
Daddy DJ, please take me to the party
And let me dance along, until the lights are on

A totally mixed day...

Woke up late for once...felt good...
met Cl for lunch n shoppin' She was someone tt I almost got tog...well maybe not almost but kinda tog but not tog...last yr. Found out tt she will be doing her post-grad come Jan n she told me she might not come back cos she's thinking of settling down in Aussie. As usu...we talked abt all the superficial stuff and things tt really dont matter anything to me. The outing got me thinking a lot cos I realise tt this girl I like was really the most superficial one I've had. Besides her looks...I really dont think there is anything else abt her tt is appealing. We have such diff values. We can only talk abt superficial stuff never serious ones. I can't tell her things that are bothering me. Sigh. I'm so shallow. BUT I must really thank bao for helping me make the right decision. It was difficult at that time but I must say it's def the right one.

Isaac was sick so his bday celebration was postponed...met up with my CG instead...went to watch Ocean12...hanging out with them was really very fun...lots of lame jokes (the kind I like) and also a bunch of ppl I just feel comfortable with...must tell this witty statement tt reggie made...she was trying to tell a joke and I kept interrupting her so when I asked her: "Reggie, is the Char Sao Pao Catholic cos it's not being very Christian...she said..."No I don't think so...cos it has a red dot!" hahaha...I just burst out laughing...hahaha...she is damn funny man...
the movie was so-so...not really tt gd...but then some parts were well shot...gd cinematography I guess...but lousy ending...
supper was fun too...nice hanging out with the guys...its like I love having supper but have not been able to do it for some time already...thanks for the company man...love u guys...

my Selfishness and the 1st NJ House Reps

My aunt is living with my family for a few days...she is ID (=Intellectually Disabled) and the first thing tt came to my mind is...f***!! all the inconveniences. I'm selfish.

on the way back home jus now...I rem some of the nice memories from my NJ days. When I was in yr1, I ran for house reps which lead the student body in activities n all tt. It's similar to council but we say tt its more hip, hop, happening n yes we do rallying of ppl n all than admin work. heh. Anyway...I ended up House Captain of Solaris which is the yellow house. The best part is that I was part of the pioneer batch of house reps and kinda laid the foundation (only for those a**holes to close down the house reps syst last yr [cos our presense threatened the student councillors]). Anyway the house reps provided me with lots of wonderful memories...n frens tt are still very much part of my life ;)
On the train back, I rem the Publicity Stunts, or pub stunts as we would call them. Publicity was done in the form of acting out n publicising an event. So many of them come to mind. There was one where we were advertising for our juniors to run for house reps so I had to be the poser wearing this checked shirt, funky jeans n a ski cap!!! only for the 'judges' to reject me cos I failed my exams (F9 written on a big piece of paper)...then there was this other one...it was to pub track n field i think...so we had 3 ppl throw a discus...i rem the first girl who was there right...she wasnt very slim...ya...then the commentator talked about "checking out all those curves, streamlined body etc..." insinuating that they were describing the girl, only to end up saying something like..."presenting the new Nike Beta+ Discus...if only all discuses were made this way"...haha it may not sound funny now but it sure did back then...it the actions + the way it was said n all...then when it came to my part right...I was this steady guy lah...action action kind...then I threw the discus damn far...."20m...30m...40...m.....CRASH!!! SBJ1234k [our then principal's car plate number]....looks like Nicholas is in trouble with Mrs Ng again..." hahaha then I was like hiding behind this short knee-height wall...heh...man...those were the 'glory days' man...
the last incident I rem was when I was presenting to the sch my house reps...I rem practising pronouncing my Vice-Capt's name...A-nan-dan aRRR-ru Mu-Gam...he's Indian u see so u have to roll your tongue when u say ARU...heh...but guess what...when it came to the crunch...I just shouted....AAAAA-NNNNAAANNNNN!!!! haha n i kinda did the same for the rest....the rest of the house capts were so serious...but I was the only clown...right glo?? :) anyway my fren's fren came up to me tt day and said I sounded like the Ring-Announcer for WWF...heh...cool huh?

So u see....if someone from NJ, my batch comes along n says he/she doesnt know me...where the hell were u man?!?!

signing off...
The Main Man

Stress

Sigh...just started my first day of work as a Research Assistant and boy did I feel tired, stupid and stressed. I really cant rem much abt SPSS...will prob need to seek out some help from the CSS psych gang...I kinda like analyzed data and printed out 20 pages of gabbage b4 my sup corrected me...felt so paiseh man...then there's so much to do and I have to write so much stuff, analyze so much stuff...n need to find lit reviews and how to do re-coding on SPSS...another full day ahead for me tomolo...k gonna sleep soon...

oh n guys go to www.facts.com.sg STOP the CASINO!!!

Gambling

The following is taken from the CCC; I apologise to those who "I've condemned to hell" for playing mahjong on sat! ;)

2413 Games of chance (card games, etc.) or wagers are not in themselves contrary to justice. They become morally unacceptable when they deprive someone of what is necessary to provide for his needs and those of others. the passion for gambling risks becoming an enslavement. Unfair wagers and cheating at games constitute grave matter, unless the damage inflicted is so slight that the one who suffers it cannot reasonably consider it significant.

But I'm still against the casino in Singapore...I don't think the social consequences are sufficiently justified with economic benefits.

so many things...

NUS increased fees...a**holes...here is an email my fren replied to NUSSU after they informed us of their efforts:
Date : 12/10/2004 Time : 12:17 AM From : L. S. S.
Hello,
I think it will be much better for the student body if we offset this round of fee hikes through cutting costs. The act of dissolving seemingly impotent organizations which are purported to voice the deepest concerns of the student body would be a great start, and the reduced costs would help in easing our financial burdens.
Sincerely, L. S. S.
Final Year Undergraduate
haha when he sent it to me thru icq i burst out laughing...man...n he is thinking of staging a protest...heh...

anyway I'm meeting a lecturer this tues to see if he wants to hire me as an RA (research assistant)...think his standards r high n he has already given me a trail....dont know if he wants me still but I will have to find out on tues...heh...thus I most prob wont be gg for the retreat...heh

i wanted to post abt some realisations this sem but will have to come later...chelsea n arsenal beckons...damn arsenal leading one-nil...

Mambo Disappointment...how the U.S. is soooo screwed up...

Had a wonderful gathering at Jo's place last night with lots of wonderful food and great dessert! Thanks jo for the wonderful dinner! U know I feel kinda blessed in the sense that being a CGLC was much easier and smoother than I expected...kinda feel bad cos as a CGL last time I felt I didnt support my CGLCs as much as I could have and I know of quite a few other CGLs who were the same...Nan n myself are blessed in the sense the CGLs seem to be supporting of gatherings and the things that we do for them...kinda gives me a feeling of peace and satisfaction? :)
Went to mambo after tt...for all the hype it was a disappointment....firstly the mo-f****er of a DJ played such a disappointment mix of songs I felt an Ahbeng could have mixed better. Another reason could be that I wasnt high enough...deciding to abstain from fags and graveyard this time around might have led to my sombreity (spelling?). At least I can say I enjoyed the company :) oh and guess what I forgot to bring my house keys lor~ then actually alan and myself wanted to drink a teh or something at a 24hr place in sengkang but apprently the 2 that we thought existed were both closed. So we went home...I didnt want to wake up my family so I sent my dad an sms to call me when he woke and I slept on the bench downstairs. haha this is the second time liaoz but the first time I was piss drunk...this time I was sober and just tired. Dad called at 530 so I went up and slumped into my bed.
Had a little headache but its gone now. Anyway I read the newspaper about this charity woman who won the lottery in the U.S. and found out about how 46 states in the U.S. have this law which states that once a child is born, they have 3 days of get rid of it w/o facing prosecution....what the FUCK! I mean this is ridiculous! isnt it tantamount to murder??? so during the 1st 3 days of the child's life, it's not considered a human being??? was damn pissed when I read that. Then yest newspapers also stated about how the U.S. refused to sign something wrt reducing the release of ozone-depleting substances. Then now those a**holes are trying to get Kofi Anand off the UN cos he has the balls to stand up against the U.S. N recently a fren told me how the U.S. talks so big about certain intertnational laws/conventions and all but refuse to sign any memorandam. Such a screwed up place. The more I think about the place the more pissed I get. Maybe God shd bring another flood on that place and get rid of the greatest evil in the world now.

Dogville

Watched this film today at markC's place...had the VCD b4 exams but didnt watch it till today. Don't really know what to think about the movie except tt it's quite disturbing? Interesting way of filming...u can see the whole town of Dogville like a monopoly board where there r no doors or windows and u can see what the whole town is doing.
To me it was disturbing cos of Nicole Kidman's role passivity as well as the dichotomous thinking along the lines of: (1) we have to be forgiving of men's wrong doing to the point of being totally submissive and passive (2) vengence where u have to avenge all wrong doing and the only way to deal with evil is to use evil.
Don't know if this was what the film was trying to get across. It seems to have deeper philosophical undertones in it. For those interested I can lend u the VCD...be prepared to spend at least 2hrs 40mins though and if u watch the confessionals that come with it...it'll be a further 55 mins.

There goes my diet...

today is my bro's bday and we had a real big feast...have a look at the pic below...somemore I was trying to eat less as I've been doing the past 2 days but the food today was too tempting...there were:
4 sting-rays,
kailan in oyster sauce,
about 80 sticks of satay,
har gao soup,
12 bbq chicken wings.
And I had one stingray to myself!!!
Anyway just wanted to say that I had a good time having a meal with my family. My bro's gf joined us too. She's a really nice gal and I hope things work out cos I really dont think my bro can find someone as patient and understanding. My relationship with my bro has been ambivalent for as long as I can remember. Some of you I'm closer to would know that my bro and I are like two extremes on a continuum and the only similarity I see sometimes is the way we look. There was a very long period of time we didnt even speak to each other and sadly I have to admit, he was one of the people (in fact the only) that I had actually felt hatred towards. I can't say that it has all gone away but from my growth in CSS, it has helped lessen this somewhat though recently again I had been having similar feelings. I really hope that we will remain close and I pray that one day he will wake up and be more sensible. Till then all I can do to hope (I no longer pray about it). Sometimes I think its partially my fault that he has turned out this way cos having to live in an elder sibling's shadow can do two things: (1) you rise up to the challenge or at least attempt to do so, or, (2) you go the other direction cos its easier. I think my bro chose the latter. It's like teachers in St Gabs will ask him why he cant be more like me and he would get so pissed he'll scold the teacher or walk out of class. I think I would have done the same in his shoes cos I dont really like being compared either. In this lifetime, I've only felt my heart literally break twice and the second time was cos of him. I just felt that I could have done more but didnt. Oh well...
Anyway...thanks to andrea and shane who persuaded me to go Tea CHapter yest...it was fun...and I had good company...n thanks to wayne for the hanging out after tt...although we didnt execute our initial agenda! ooOOhhHH!!
k think i will sign off here...haha guys pls pray for my toe! cos I think its all blue-black and the nail is gonna come out if it is to heal...sigh...how to play soccer again like tt...k gonna slack now...with me bloated stomach...ciao~

The Feast

FINALLY

I stopped writing a little before they asked us to stop today. My hands were numb. I didnt know what else to write. Not gonna talk about it. JUst that I'm glad its finally over. Won't be expecting much though.
I told myself to enjoy this extra time I have now and to think positive thoughts...but I dont find it possible. I guess the good thing about the exams is that it serves as a form of distraction...of whatever you were trying to run away from, or something that you pushed under your bed hoping it would just disappear. It's when you're free that you have the luxury of time to dwell on these things again.
I will spend this holidays getting in touch with myself. Feel that I've somewhat derailed this sem...am not heading in the direction that I would like to in several areas in my life.
Will try to post something positive soon...for now I would like to thank the 3 abeng guys who smsed me today...really means a lot to me. It's been great knowing u 3 better. God bless.