Linger....

Listening to the song, I can't help but think some verses are what I feel...though not true, it's true somewhat:

But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

You know one of my previous blogs that mentioned how hard it was to get out of a low but how hard it was to maintain a high? Well, I feel myself making the downward spiral of the sine curve after it hit its peak (+1 I think)...but I'm gonna try to stop the slide. I don't want to go back anywhere near where I was in early yr3. So yest night when I prayed, I counted my blessing (literally) and counted 10 -

1. Sister Marianna forcing me to donate but me getting a plaque with a verse I like.
2. For the confirmation camp meeting that went rather well.
3. For the company of Alan, Ed & Chris during lunch.
4. For the food & fellowship that we shared.
5. For Chris' sharing with me on how he was going through the same thing with his class.
6. For Ade's blog post comment.
7. For the ppl on msn whom I had a chat with during the WHOLE day.
8. For my sis' egg-mayo.
9. For all those on msn who asked me how I was and/or promised to pray for me.
10. God giving me a rather peaceful ending to the day so my mind didn't need to think.
(not all these were the original 10 which reinforces my belief that we've so much to be thankful for)

I don't know if I can keep this up cos I realise that when you're down, the conceptual lens you view life takes a drastic filter that blocks out the good. Maybe I should keep up this counting of blessings every night and thank God for them in prayer.

Anyway, about the first point right, the plaque I got went something like this: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I still rem the very first time it touched me. I was at Novena with some of my CG ppl in year 1. It was read out during the Gospel Acclaimation. It struck me becos so many times I try to rationalise or intellectualise everything that I read. I've realise over the years that you can't read with just your mind alone, you need to understand things with your heart as well. And most times, you have to Trust in the Lord our God. That's something I hope to rem. As I go through the next few days, I pray that I will let go of this latest struggle and I trust that God will help me through it through all the wonderful people ard me. God bless you.

SS - Sianz Saturday

The past week has been rather interesting. Not as good as the previous or the past few. On the work front, things have been slow but that's the least of my concerns. My mind has been on overdrive again and I think it's not good. My heart is restless which again spells disaster. Worst to cap off, today's Catechism class sucked to the core. Didn't enjoy, in fact hated it and I even thought of quiting. Last night seemed like the anomaly. Had dinner then supper with four others and it was good talking about religion, post-modernism, issues, masks, etc. Really enjoyed my company. I think it's during such sessions that i'm truely myself.

About cat class, I feel tired man. This class is really NOT worth putting in so much effort. Or am I trying too hard? Last year, when I put in effort, the reaction I got spurred me to double it up with more creativity. This year, it seems as if my energy is being leeched on, sucked dry. Man, I can't believe I actually feel this way. Think Kel was super irritated also. Only Carol seemed to be unaffected. Oh well, life goes on. I've decided not to quit (tt's not the way to go) but I will make use of the coming 3 week 'break' from class to reflect and reconsider my role in this ministry.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have a feeling that my reaction in class today might have had been influenced by my emotional state of mind before class. It's never good when you bring baggage in, but then it can't be helped. I prayed, more than I have in weeks, but to no avail. I'll have to carry this for now. I pray for support.

Be Still and know that I am God

That's what I need from God now. Not now. Pls God, not now! It's the final lap and I really need to channel all resources to this race. You know you just can't explain this kinda things. And so fast somemore. I don't know la.

I was thinking about how easy it is to stay in a low but how difficult it is to sustain a high. I hope I don't drop from this high. I haven't been this happy in consecutive fashion for as long as I rem.

Lord, I pray for all those who are hurt in some way, who feel pain. I beseech you to heal these people if it is Your will and to always let them feel your Love. Amen.

Novena -James Swearingen

I watched Brokeback Mountain yest and had a good conversation with Reggie over dinner about it. Wanted to blog about it initially but then I didn't felt like it in the end. Plus the fact that I bumped into lulu balls on the train home. He's my band junior who's really so bubbly that he filled up our time on the train with anedoctes about his life and all. What he did (which he didn't realise) is to make me reminisence about my sec sch Band days. So much so, that I went to find those songs that I really enjoyed playing back then. Of cos, being one of those guys who loved to show off on the drums (despite not being tt good), my top 3 drumset songs would be: Abba Gold, Beatles Forever and Big Fun in the Sun. Esp love the last one cos it's just SO full of drums! However, I realised that a lot of the songs I liked weren't drumset pieces as well, and my pick of the lot is Novena by James Swearingen. I know this sounds damn silly to most of u but it's my first solo, and it was just the Chimes that I played. Super simple. I guess in a way that song showed my progession in the band as well, from Chimes to mallets to Timpani which is what I kinda ended up with (esp SYF competition '97). There's another song I liked - Where the River Flows - which I rem my conductor, Lin Ah Leck, read out the whole story behind the song and I was just so taken in that when I played the song, I actually felt it. The percussion parts are also very dynamic. I wonder whether I will ever hear tt song again. I also wonder about our instructor whom we gave a really hard time but he's a great instructor. When he took over, we were a bronze band, the next competition we got a silver (of cos I cried!) and then my bro's batch managed to get a gold. I think ah lin really worked his balls off to get us bunch of ill-disciplined slackers to work on our skills n all. Also found out that two of my band juniors have kinda turned pro. Not that it's unexpected cos they had the talent since then. One of them I rem more clearly cos his dad actually called me up to scold me cos "my son has talent! he should be playing the drums! Why are you wasting his time?" Oh well, I guess the answer to that is "I'm the senior and I want to play the FREAKING drums!" Thanks to lulu balls for reminding me about it. heh.

So here ending off with my fav song for the moment...Novena...

(there's no lyrics you dumbo!)

Sports News

Liverpool 1 - 0 Manchester United

I've been waiting for revenge since the league match in which Manyoo undeservedly won 1-0 thanks to a last minute goal by Rio. Unlike Fergie who wasn't gracious in defeat, I insist that pool def deserved to win. Some would argue that Manyoo was having an off day; I don't deny that. But I also feel that the pool midfield closed in on the players and in fact caused them to be ineffective. A well deserved victory nonetheless.

On a sorry note however, Alan Smith (whom I still hate actually) left the field in the last few mintues with a horrendous injury - a broken leg and a dislocated ankle. Even I could not bare to see the pain etched across his face. I really wish him a speedy recovery and that he will come back and play his fiery game once more. Best wishes.

I watched the NBA all-star weekend and was kinda disappointed with the Slamdunk competition. I think that the organizers made a mistake by allowing the competitors to keep trying their dunk without penalty. I think it really took out the excitement in it and when Nate, the crowd fav petite 5' 9'' star won, I felt a great injustice. I guess the decision was biased, or rather relative. I mean, I don't think the other guy who worse, it's just that taking into account Nate's height, what he did was an acheivement. In this case, isn't it becos of his heigh that he won. I mean no disrespect, he's an excellent player and all but then just becos of his perceived disadvantage, he was relatively better than the other, although their skill level is the same. I guess that's how the world works - we're all amazed, estonished with extraordinary acts that defy the limitations that are set on the human. Arg...oh well...think I'm thinking too much....arg! I'm meta-thinking again! k la, enough for now...

Life so far...

It's been ages since I blog...and I guess that either 1. I'm been too busy or 2. even when i'm free, there's no mood to blog. Oh well, here's the feeling back again (for now).

The past two days have been good. Had a presentation yesterday and it went ok. Had a bit of fun in the process as well. CY and myself had to dress as shooters in a school massacre, so we wore sunglasses and a ski mask or army jockey cap...in the end the class laughed more than felt fear but thanks to a few onz ones like Eph & Mingfel, the whole class went on the floor, including our lecturer (feeling a little guilty about that). But we really wanted to re-create the atmosphere...and in the end the whole presenation went fine. CY, Ahbao, JT and myself went to celebrate at Kenny Rogers in the end. Man, they managed to psycho me to get two "Kenny's quarters" instead of the "Kenny's half" so we ended up with a total of half a chicken each and a total of 14 side dishes! Oh man, boy couldn't we finish! We even ended up eating Ben & Jerrys after that. Managed to get a present for my sis so that was good...thank goodness for ahbao's sharpeye... :) Today wasn't too bad either, managed to catch Match Point. I think it was quite good, though not something I would call fantastic but at least it had a storyline and I like the bit about how "there are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck, it goes forward and you win…or maybe it doesn’t, and you lose”...but then "sometimes when you lose, you win". I guess I was reading a lot deeper, also not intended by Woody Allen, that in life, sometimes you feel that you've been dealt with a shitty situation and have lost, but then it ends up a blessing as something better happens, another opportunity strikes. I guess my interpretation is partly due to the better mood that I am in these few days.

The past week in particular has been good and though there is work to do and all, I seem more relaxed. Even my whole project group seemed rather calm for our presentation and I wasn't the only one who noticed it. I've been pretty happy talking to some ppl on msn as well. Some of whom I seldom, almost never have conversations with, others I see ard but got to know a little better :) My life has been rather packed with concamp stuff starting, cat class going full swing, then the presentation tt just passed, the thesis that I have to finish up by end-Feb, and two major essays which I have yet to get started. Oh well, one step at a time, just keep walking! I hope to really go full swing with thesis stuff and hopefully *cross fingers* will be able to squeeze in Brokeback Mountain and maybe Constant Gardener. Do tell me if you're interesting in catching them. :) For now, have a good week! For me, my term break has started! For the others, hang in there, you'll get it too! :D God bless...