but I found somewhere else to say it. Every single word...w/o censorship...my true and innermost feelings. That's the problem when you know others are reading this...u can't say everything that's in your heart - the hurt, the disappointment, your innermost thoughts/feelings.
Friday was a screwed up day: hp spoil, some fucker banged into me causing me to spill my entire cup of hot milo (I almost pulled him back but my fren CY stopped me)...I wanted to punch his fucking face. Screwed up service at Sony Ericsson service centre. Stupid girl...can't understand simple english and try to screw ard with me. You caught me on a wrong day you bitch.
Games Day: At least I attained my goal of not losing my temper or whacking anyone. Scored my first goal at Games Day. Missed a penalty. Lost the finals 3-2 when leading 2-0. What the fuck were we thinking. Sigh.
Cat Class: Interesting...getting to know Alan and Ed's classes...getting in tune with my own class..
Just lazing around, not doing anything. Something is wrong. I feel lethargic all the time, can never get up in the mornings, never have enough rest (despite 8+ hrs of sleep), no mood to do any work, no discipline, overwhelming pessimistic and sad thoughts, a meaningless existence. I live for the moment. I live for that moment where you smile, laugh, momentary breaks from a meaningless existence. At the end of the day...everything is the same. Nothing changes. Life sucks.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Saturday Night
It's the first sat night that I'm home for some weeks and for good reason - I got a freaking pounding headache...any sitting position isnt too comfortable with me...tt's why I'm lying on my bed in this weird position with the laptop beside me in the dark. Sigh.
Anyway morning started off fine with soccer. Though I have not played for quite some time, I had a decent game with a few goals and slightly more good passes though it's still much to be desired...esp the fitness that is in the negative regions...sigh...the million dollar qn: how to increase fitness in one week???
had lunch at thompson b4 taking cab home. Then had to rush to church for cat class. You know...Cat class (though I like my kids)...it seems to zap a lot of energy out of me every week. This week ( I think soccer has a part to play) I ended up getting this terrible headache too. The weather is fucked up to say the least and moving bet. air-con n the scourching sun is really very bad.
anyway here I m with this terrible headache. Be gone you leech in my head!!
Anyway morning started off fine with soccer. Though I have not played for quite some time, I had a decent game with a few goals and slightly more good passes though it's still much to be desired...esp the fitness that is in the negative regions...sigh...the million dollar qn: how to increase fitness in one week???
had lunch at thompson b4 taking cab home. Then had to rush to church for cat class. You know...Cat class (though I like my kids)...it seems to zap a lot of energy out of me every week. This week ( I think soccer has a part to play) I ended up getting this terrible headache too. The weather is fucked up to say the least and moving bet. air-con n the scourching sun is really very bad.
anyway here I m with this terrible headache. Be gone you leech in my head!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
YOU & I BOTH (words & music by jason mraz)
A real crap day...feel like shit...under the weather...this MTV (click here for link) I saw was quite funny...perked me up a little...
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What you and I spoke of
Others only dream of the love that I love
See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of
and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang
you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What you and I spoke of
Others only dream of the love that I love
See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of
and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang
you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Past Few Days...
The past few days have been rather ambivalent in terms of happenings n all...will not blog abt the bad stuff...
had a gd time last night...was quite aimless but there's a certain element of fun in that...not having something fixed to do...winging things...thanks guys...
Happy Birthday Sis...u might be voyeuring my blog again so here it goes...luv u lots...(sometimes more than other times, sometimes less;)
lazy few days...
but highlight of CNY this yr...summed up in this pic...
ciao~
had a gd time last night...was quite aimless but there's a certain element of fun in that...not having something fixed to do...winging things...thanks guys...
Happy Birthday Sis...u might be voyeuring my blog again so here it goes...luv u lots...(sometimes more than other times, sometimes less;)
lazy few days...
but highlight of CNY this yr...summed up in this pic...
ciao~
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Do ppl in heaven pray??
You know I really don't like talking to my frens who r Protestants about religion. To be honest, it might be due to my lack of knowledge esp when they suddenly quote a verse from the bible and use it against me. I don't know the bible THAT well. And, I don't want it to affect my frenship with that person. So when ZZ n MW came over the the CSS corner for our presentation prep...they started flipping thru the stuff we had there...then the questions came:
ZZ: Why do u all pray to Mary?
Me: We don't pray or worship her. We ask her to pray for us...to interceed for us.
ZZ: but she's dead.
Me: Yupz she is...but she's in heaven and close to God, with the angels and saints. Why can't we ask them to pray for us...just like how we ask our friends to pray for us?
ZZ: But revelations says that those in heaven only praise God...they don't pray.
*dumbfounded*
shit...does revelations really say tt? I didn't know what to say cos I didnt know if she was right n even if I knew the passage...I wouldnt know if there was another passage that I could use to prove my point. SIgh.
Then thanks to Ian Yeo...I found out that saints do pray n people in heaven do pray too...(taken from KJV Bible)
Rev.8
[1] And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.[2] And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.[3] And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.[4] And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel's hand.
It took me awhile b4 I decided to tell ZZ abt it. I just did and we discussed it a bit. At least it ended amicably. Oh well...CAW is coming...*shiver* 3 yrs n I still get the same feeling. Have I grown?
ZZ: Why do u all pray to Mary?
Me: We don't pray or worship her. We ask her to pray for us...to interceed for us.
ZZ: but she's dead.
Me: Yupz she is...but she's in heaven and close to God, with the angels and saints. Why can't we ask them to pray for us...just like how we ask our friends to pray for us?
ZZ: But revelations says that those in heaven only praise God...they don't pray.
*dumbfounded*
shit...does revelations really say tt? I didn't know what to say cos I didnt know if she was right n even if I knew the passage...I wouldnt know if there was another passage that I could use to prove my point. SIgh.
Then thanks to Ian Yeo...I found out that saints do pray n people in heaven do pray too...(taken from KJV Bible)
Rev.8
[1] And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.[2] And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.[3] And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.[4] And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel's hand.
It took me awhile b4 I decided to tell ZZ abt it. I just did and we discussed it a bit. At least it ended amicably. Oh well...CAW is coming...*shiver* 3 yrs n I still get the same feeling. Have I grown?
News for Today
Toe-breaking News
It was today that Nick's faithful toe nail, which had been so loyally protecting his toe all these years, passed away this afternoon. It was said that the toe nail came off when Nick was trying to chip his mini Adidas soccerball into a box. Our deepest condolences.
Revelation in Nemo (the movie) - Transference
It was revealed today in the movie that was watched again this afternoon that Marlin had exhibited transference towards Dory. Transference is defined as the phenomenon by which a patient/client projects certain feelings or emotions onto the therapist, or casts him/her into a certain role. For instance, the therapist may be seen as possessing the same traits as a father-figure about whom the patient had ambivalent feelings. In a particular scene in the movie, Marlin actually renacted certain aspects of his relationship with his son, Nemo, towards Dory. He said, "No son, you cannot do it...you never can" (source of quotation unreliable). The question remains whether Dory did in fact exhibit counter-transference.
Hong Kong Chinese movies
Nick watched a Hong Kong movie in the afternoon and it brought back memories of the times when he really enjoyed watching such movies, especially the vampire and gangster movies. Today's movie was about this charming guy who is irresistable to girls. His apartment-mate however is far less successful. Though I do not wish to comment on the far from unpredictable and unexpected ending, I do wish to highlight certain points. During the movie, I realised that one of the tactics used by the playboy was actually executed on Nick. It was an unexpected realisation and one that was quite surprising indeed. Recent conversations with several girls has also pointed out the fact that many of them seek a 'bastard' streak in the guys that they are with. "Nice guys are boring and predictable" is often the cry of these adventurous ladies. I had been thinking about whether I should start to inherit some of these desirable 'bastard' traits, but came to the conclusion that (1) I'm already quite a bastard in the sense that I'm tempermental, easily irritating, possessive, easily made jealous etc. etc. and (2) I should just stick with being myself. Why should I change myself (in a negative aspect) to suit someone else? And to those ladies who seek such guys, just a word of caution: be careful of what you ask for. You might just get it.
New Passion
As it has been dawning on Nick these past few weeks, photography and video-making has been garnering much interest in his life. To date, he has taken several pictures including one of which half his face was white (due to the angle at which the photo was taken) and a few videos including one of Nettolio Pizza-making which was shot courtesy of Nick's parents yesterday. Nick has also decided to set aside money to buy a good digi-cum-video cam. We can expect more photos and possibly a short-film in the next long school holidays.
Weather
It has been a humid past few days and the stifling heat has caused Nick much sweat. Let's all hope for cooler weather soon.
It was today that Nick's faithful toe nail, which had been so loyally protecting his toe all these years, passed away this afternoon. It was said that the toe nail came off when Nick was trying to chip his mini Adidas soccerball into a box. Our deepest condolences.
Revelation in Nemo (the movie) - Transference
It was revealed today in the movie that was watched again this afternoon that Marlin had exhibited transference towards Dory. Transference is defined as the phenomenon by which a patient/client projects certain feelings or emotions onto the therapist, or casts him/her into a certain role. For instance, the therapist may be seen as possessing the same traits as a father-figure about whom the patient had ambivalent feelings. In a particular scene in the movie, Marlin actually renacted certain aspects of his relationship with his son, Nemo, towards Dory. He said, "No son, you cannot do it...you never can" (source of quotation unreliable). The question remains whether Dory did in fact exhibit counter-transference.
Hong Kong Chinese movies
Nick watched a Hong Kong movie in the afternoon and it brought back memories of the times when he really enjoyed watching such movies, especially the vampire and gangster movies. Today's movie was about this charming guy who is irresistable to girls. His apartment-mate however is far less successful. Though I do not wish to comment on the far from unpredictable and unexpected ending, I do wish to highlight certain points. During the movie, I realised that one of the tactics used by the playboy was actually executed on Nick. It was an unexpected realisation and one that was quite surprising indeed. Recent conversations with several girls has also pointed out the fact that many of them seek a 'bastard' streak in the guys that they are with. "Nice guys are boring and predictable" is often the cry of these adventurous ladies. I had been thinking about whether I should start to inherit some of these desirable 'bastard' traits, but came to the conclusion that (1) I'm already quite a bastard in the sense that I'm tempermental, easily irritating, possessive, easily made jealous etc. etc. and (2) I should just stick with being myself. Why should I change myself (in a negative aspect) to suit someone else? And to those ladies who seek such guys, just a word of caution: be careful of what you ask for. You might just get it.
New Passion
As it has been dawning on Nick these past few weeks, photography and video-making has been garnering much interest in his life. To date, he has taken several pictures including one of which half his face was white (due to the angle at which the photo was taken) and a few videos including one of Nettolio Pizza-making which was shot courtesy of Nick's parents yesterday. Nick has also decided to set aside money to buy a good digi-cum-video cam. We can expect more photos and possibly a short-film in the next long school holidays.
Weather
It has been a humid past few days and the stifling heat has caused Nick much sweat. Let's all hope for cooler weather soon.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
"Reunion" dinner
b4 I blog about my "reunion" dinner...I wanna show u guys the new collage tt I made for the noticeboard above my table...it consists mainly of some of my fav postcards...some of them were added just to take up the space...was supposed to do it up during the dec hols but only got down to it yest...
well as for dinner...my mum decided that she was not going to go thru the hassle of cooking this yr and so up stepped my dad to save the day. Well, my dad can't cook so he decided to bake a pizza...(quite weird for chu xi)...but I must say he did a wonderful job as all 5 of us r packed full of wonderful PIZZA!! :)
I put "" for reunion cos it isnt actually a reunion...it has been the 5 of us for several yrs now esp since my grandma passed away in 1996. It'll never be the same again but I don't really mind actually. Just the 5 of us.
well as for dinner...my mum decided that she was not going to go thru the hassle of cooking this yr and so up stepped my dad to save the day. Well, my dad can't cook so he decided to bake a pizza...(quite weird for chu xi)...but I must say he did a wonderful job as all 5 of us r packed full of wonderful PIZZA!! :)
I put "" for reunion cos it isnt actually a reunion...it has been the 5 of us for several yrs now esp since my grandma passed away in 1996. It'll never be the same again but I don't really mind actually. Just the 5 of us.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
why must I be tested again and again...
why must things happen to piss me off...make me irritated n all tt shit? one thing after another...God must have a damn good sense of humor...n who cares abt patience...it's over-rated I tell u...I used to try so hard but wtf for?? why shd I care or bother to make the effort to be tolerant of ppl...not to get irritated n all?? why must things happen such tt I get affected...
then my freaking private blog has been down for more than a month cos the mo-f***er server is down...n they cant get it up...I will f***ing kill those bastards if all my posts r lost...freaking hell...
then my freaking private blog has been down for more than a month cos the mo-f***er server is down...n they cant get it up...I will f***ing kill those bastards if all my posts r lost...freaking hell...
Friday, February 04, 2005
Nothing sucks more than...
no not a vaccum cleaner.
nothing sucks more than when you wanna do something but u can't get anyone to do it with you. was feeling so sianz then angst jus now...surprisingly it was my editorial work that made me feel better...don't feel like doing readings (I havent even gotten much of them yet) and I dont feel like talking to anyone...but it just felt good to organise the journals and send out acknowledgment receipts to the authors of the journals :)
long day ahead tomolo...
nothing sucks more than when you wanna do something but u can't get anyone to do it with you. was feeling so sianz then angst jus now...surprisingly it was my editorial work that made me feel better...don't feel like doing readings (I havent even gotten much of them yet) and I dont feel like talking to anyone...but it just felt good to organise the journals and send out acknowledgment receipts to the authors of the journals :)
long day ahead tomolo...
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