I had about 1.5 weeks of rest. Well, last week I kinda breezed thru cos I had this surreal feeling - The post-camps (not cramps) withdrawal period (no pun intended). Today, a rude shock awaited - Social Work Honours Briefing: The end of my hols.
Here's my time-table for next sem (excluding one Cross-fac):
SW4101 - Advanced Family-centered Social Work Practice
Tues 9-12noon AS6/0209
SW4102 - Advanced Social Policy and Planning
Fri 4-7pm AS6/0209
SW4103 - Advanced Research and Evaluation
Wed 9-12noon AS6/0209
Man, so far it looks like I was be missing Fri mass!! arg! also notice the fact that I was be taking the 3 mods with the same ppl in the same venue! haha...
k the part that is stressing me out is the Honours Thesis. I just realised that instead of slacking I would have to think about a topic, research on the material, find a sup who's willing to 'adopt' me and finalise everything in a month's time. Man...my heart was racing n pounding with fear and excitment. But the problem is I don't have a topic! Will keep Prof Ngiam's words in mind; I guess I'll have to balance ambition with being realistic.
Anyway, I think I just wasn't psychologically prepared to start work so soon lah. Oh well, yr4 here I come.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Anger
I think that is what really keeps me from getting closer to God.
"I'm not like you Keenan"
This line keeps playing in my head. An incident that happened. The anger manifested itself in words (chinese) and deed. The anger dissipitated almost immediately to be replaced by shame. Acute shame. 6 others saw it, only 2 were not shocked cos they've seen this side of me before. I really hate this side of me and I want to change but don't you realise that it's not that I want to react this way or like it even. I try. I really do. I wish I were more like Keenan.
Supper was good. I like going for supper. More than the food, oftentimes it's the company that really makes the difference. Thank you Wayne for being that company.
I like sitting on the blue bench below my flat. One of the few times that I'm sober sitting there. Thinking. Reflecting. Wondering. Pondering. I like that blue bench. It helps me think clearer when my mind's in a mess. Thank you blue bench.
"I'm not like you Keenan"
This line keeps playing in my head. An incident that happened. The anger manifested itself in words (chinese) and deed. The anger dissipitated almost immediately to be replaced by shame. Acute shame. 6 others saw it, only 2 were not shocked cos they've seen this side of me before. I really hate this side of me and I want to change but don't you realise that it's not that I want to react this way or like it even. I try. I really do. I wish I were more like Keenan.
Supper was good. I like going for supper. More than the food, oftentimes it's the company that really makes the difference. Thank you Wayne for being that company.
I like sitting on the blue bench below my flat. One of the few times that I'm sober sitting there. Thinking. Reflecting. Wondering. Pondering. I like that blue bench. It helps me think clearer when my mind's in a mess. Thank you blue bench.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Food Diary
All patients with eating disorders are encouraged to write in a food diary. This is mine for my binge eating disorder:
Breakfast - Mee Rebus, 1 teh
Had this meal at some Treetop place except that it was the wrong place and we got ripped off RM10 for the can ride. I was cool about it though.
Lunch - KFC Zinger Meal for about RM6?
Snack - Macs Strawberry Milk: Fantastic!! And the best part was the cashier was so friendly! Plus he gave me a 15 sen discount! oh man...
Snack - James got us some Bak Kwa!
All the above food items purchased from Holiday Plaza :)
Snacks - Chicken Nuggest and Pepsi Float from Marry Brown; Crispy Popiah; 2 big Dunkin' Dounghnuts :D [Angsana Plaza]
Dinner [Danga Bay] - Coconut, Nasi Goreng Ayam, Satay, Ramly Burger (beef), Vanilla Coke.
All in all, it has been a great day at JB with the abengs: MarkG, Darryl, Ed, Clemence, Karen, Felicia & James :) Thanks for inviting me and making me feel so comfortable. heh. Maybe now we'll have a KFC session next week? ;) Hope to put up some of the pics we took.
I wanna shop man...anyone wanna go Bangkok? thinking of going there man...heh
Nitez....
Breakfast - Mee Rebus, 1 teh
Had this meal at some Treetop place except that it was the wrong place and we got ripped off RM10 for the can ride. I was cool about it though.
Lunch - KFC Zinger Meal for about RM6?
Snack - Macs Strawberry Milk: Fantastic!! And the best part was the cashier was so friendly! Plus he gave me a 15 sen discount! oh man...
Snack - James got us some Bak Kwa!
All the above food items purchased from Holiday Plaza :)
Snacks - Chicken Nuggest and Pepsi Float from Marry Brown; Crispy Popiah; 2 big Dunkin' Dounghnuts :D [Angsana Plaza]
Dinner [Danga Bay] - Coconut, Nasi Goreng Ayam, Satay, Ramly Burger (beef), Vanilla Coke.
All in all, it has been a great day at JB with the abengs: MarkG, Darryl, Ed, Clemence, Karen, Felicia & James :) Thanks for inviting me and making me feel so comfortable. heh. Maybe now we'll have a KFC session next week? ;) Hope to put up some of the pics we took.
I wanna shop man...anyone wanna go Bangkok? thinking of going there man...heh
Nitez....
Monday, June 20, 2005
CSS FOC '05 & Concamp '05
It's been an exhausting 7 days and I want to share my experiences, the lows and the highs. I just hope that I can rem it all.
Monday: Day started a little later cos I had to go Bras Basar to buy material for the concamp sessions so met Ed there and he being the nice guy that he is, treated me to lunch at Jack's Place. What a way to start the week! Then we had a nice chat and all there before moving up to buy the stuff and then get a cab to sch. Things started off slowly. I was apprehensive as I wasnt sure I was going to enjoy FOC esp since it would be the second yr in a row that I was doing background work and the fear of not feeling the sense of belonging overwhelmed me again. However, as it would turn out, I was needed as a facil and though I wasnt really psyched up or prepared for it I decided to take up the challenge. That night was the worst cos I could not sleep though I was in bed since 2am. Kept tossing and turning around and changed so many positions that I think I kinda outdid the karmasutra but I only managed to fall asleep at 5am. 2 hrs of sleep to start the day the freshies arrived.
Tues, Wed & Thurs: Can't rem much just that had to be thick-skinned and suan the engineers to entertain everyone. Our group was called Tau cos of the Franciscan Tau cross but thanks to me (Secret Agent Yan)...the group name was mis-spelt as Tao...so that I could be called Yan Tao! :p we played lots of games over the days and shared during sessions. I felt that the time bet stations at night games was a little awkward but things got better over the days.
Wanna say a BIG thank you to Jeff, Ed, Alan & Wayne for helping me to cut out the cardboard shapes on wed night for my concamp session. It was a really tedious and time-consuming task. Thank God for sending me these angels :D
What I rem feeling during those few days was the overwhelming burden that was getting heavier and heavier as I found out more bad news, most of which I could do nothing about as I was stuck at NUS. Was getting more and more disheartened. Luckily, God always sends us angels to help us. My wonderful Tau group of [Facils] Hannah, Jacob, Kitty, Justin, [Senior] Mari, Audrey, Alexis, Wayne, [Freshies] Teresa, Cheryl, Albert, Marcus, Lionel & Druce. My wonderful neighbour Jon and all those who dropped by my room, talked to, or even smsed from home (Carol)...really appreciate all of you guys!
Can still rem a bit of thurs: we had the games at West Coast park which was quite fun and hung out at Macs after that. Rem taking the pink ballon for Jacob which he was quite embarrassed about. Hannah eventually used it for Bernard (haha the expression on his face was priceless)! I loved the LOM session. Felt that it was the best session that I've ever attended. It was well prepared, well executed and managed to keep our hearts too. I felt the sharing was also very deep and honest esp coming from the freshies. The acting of Paul, Keenan & Justin was just sublime and tear-jerking. Wonderful job guys; totally awed! Just want to share a little from the passage that I like:
"God beholds you individually whoever you are...He sees you and understands you as He made you...He knows what is in you, all your own perculiar feelings and thoughts, your dispositions and likings, your strength and your weaknesses...He interests Himself in all your anxieties and remembrances, all the rising and fallings of your spirit. You do not love yourself better than He loves you...you cannot shrink from pain more than He dislikes you bearing it; and if He puts it on you, it is as you would put it in yourself, if you are wise, for a greater good afterwards"
- Cardinal John Henry Newman Parochial & Plain Sermons Vol III No. 9
Sorry guys, I kinda shortened it cos I'm too lazy to type but basically it shows how much knows us through and through, loves us and that a greater good will come out of our suffering.
I liked the mini p&w esp the first song "Here I am to worship" which already caused me to tear. Spent some time reflecting before deciding to go for praying over and though Am was one of those praying over me, I decided that it was time to be open and let the spirit work. I'm grateful for all the ppl involved and hope that I will continue in this healing process. Recon was good and I had a gd conversation with this Indo priest whose name I still don't know. :) clean sheet of paper. Anyway, thurs night was horrible. There was so much to do and I had to skip the skit prep with Tau. I walked over to Arts to draw money cos I realised that I had spent all my money! and I needed to pay for camp & return jon. Then from arts I walked over to Fong Seng to buy stuff for my angel & mortal, as well as to attempt to find satay sticks or something else to use for my session. I couldnt find anything suitable. Went back to my room and started work. Wrote warm fuzzies for my 6 freshies & angel + mortal. Then started cutting out the remaining cardboard and then thought about what to plan for the session. I was dead tired and couldnt wake up in time the next day. It was Fri and I had not prep the sessions I was supposed to (at least the second one). I was scared. We couldnt get a cab and I kinda hung up on the telephone operator. Fortunately, Nan was around to save the day and he gave Ed n myself a lift to FMM along Holland Road. I was feeling tired, scared & apprehensive: will things work out right? Ed did the most sensible thing: "Nick shall we pray?" And pray we did. For He gives us strength beyond us.
Session 1 was on Self Awareness and I kinda adopted it from a common CSS activity which I had done 3 times in as many yrs. The kids loved it and it went according to plan. Everyone spent so much more time decorating the outside than on the inside (which was supposed to contain their loved ones, those they value, their principles etc). The look on the faces of all the teens after revealing to them that "it was the inside that mattered, not the outside" really made my day.
Session 2 was on Forgiveness and kudos to Wayne who shared with me the idea. I made this board which had the word Self written on it and pasted onto this styrofoam board. Previously, I had been trying to find darts for the teens to throw at it but in the end I had to make do with a big scissors which actually turned out much better than I had anticipated. I got volunteers to come forward (after some sharing questions) to stab the "self" as hard as they can for a Sin that they rem committing. Up stepped forward a few macho guys who really gave it a go and stabbed through the cardboard. The girls didnt want to be outdone and Maureen stabbed quite a few times too! Then the revelation: I cited a few passages from the bible on how we are many parts of One body in Christ and how all our actions affect those in our community and as I peeled away the "self" layer, I revealed the holes in the community layer and showed then how they have "stabbed" those in the community as well. Eventually I revealed a picture of Jesus in the next layer, also with the many holes on it. "Many times when we sin, we don't see how it impacts others, but it does. And though we don't see it, we hurt Jesus too". Then I went on to talk about confession and how when we go for confession, it's not merely the patching up of holes but rather, it's the receiving of a "clean sheet of paper". We start afresh. Praise be to God. The sessions went well and were quite well received. I really couldnt have done it without Him :)
On a side point, I enjoyed playing soccer with the catechist too. Some of them are really good - Br Robert, Peter & Chris! I think we should form a team soon!
Another thing about the camp is about how close it has brought me to others. My sis is one of them - she would find me whenever she had some problem or needed some help and I like this openness. Some of my classmates - Cheryl & Cherlyn - would find me whenever they see me alone and we would chat. Really got to know them better this camp and even others like Fabiola, Averil, Darry, Sudi, Dion etc. Really love these guys :D
Another session that I enjoyed and felt was good was Ed's "Blocks to Love". The moment Ed started his testimony, I started to tear (thank goodness for the dark room). I was getting emotional and it was all being suppressed. Led my first praying over for my Matthew group that night too and I was kinda glad that the teens were being open. Only one of them didnt want to be prayed over. Anyway, I talked to him in private later and realised the extend to which he was being hurt and the burden of which he was carrying on his shoulder. I really felt like crying then, I felt like holding him close to me and just telling Him that God loves him. I listened to him. I just felt upset and sad that someone had to experience that kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that tears you up on the inside and eats at you. I will pray for him everyday in my life that his prayers are answered. I pray for that stone wall to come crumbling down, and for a heart to melt. I pray for him to experience love, the love that he deserves, that all of us deserve and I pray that God will help him experience the best kind of Love.
Last night was interesting. I became a runner. Someone needed stomach ache medicine, someone needed pink panadol, someone needed to talk, some others needed a quieter place to sleep. I like doing it all for the teens. I don't mind - I love them you see. It was a difficult night: I needed to write notes to those teens in my group, letters to those teens whose parents did not bother doing so, and last but not least to my sis. I took a long time to get started and almost gave up but managed to finish it all by 4am. By which time, almost everyone was asleep.
H.E.L.P. letter Session: We (catechists) were kinda disappointed initially cos some parents had told their children about it and they were spreading it during the camp. But the spirit has His own way of working. Seeing all of my teens (esp my sis) in such a state was really too much for me to take and when I too broke down, it was then that I knew all the sacrifices, the frustrations, the work - it was all worth it.
Last session that I would play a part in - the Sum-up. Dan and I decided to act it out. His part was much more difficult cos he had to be the one 'educating' me. We added in all the points while entertaining the teens with my bhb-ness. :p My sis told me that she enjoyed that session and we hope that it drummed home the message: To Know, Love and Serve Him. It was great working with Dan. Though the whole team had our fair share of disagreements, it worked out in the end cos we all looked to God for guidance. I will end off this entry with what Bridget wrote for me in the bookmark she gave me: And on the 7th Day He gave you rest :)
Monday: Day started a little later cos I had to go Bras Basar to buy material for the concamp sessions so met Ed there and he being the nice guy that he is, treated me to lunch at Jack's Place. What a way to start the week! Then we had a nice chat and all there before moving up to buy the stuff and then get a cab to sch. Things started off slowly. I was apprehensive as I wasnt sure I was going to enjoy FOC esp since it would be the second yr in a row that I was doing background work and the fear of not feeling the sense of belonging overwhelmed me again. However, as it would turn out, I was needed as a facil and though I wasnt really psyched up or prepared for it I decided to take up the challenge. That night was the worst cos I could not sleep though I was in bed since 2am. Kept tossing and turning around and changed so many positions that I think I kinda outdid the karmasutra but I only managed to fall asleep at 5am. 2 hrs of sleep to start the day the freshies arrived.
Tues, Wed & Thurs: Can't rem much just that had to be thick-skinned and suan the engineers to entertain everyone. Our group was called Tau cos of the Franciscan Tau cross but thanks to me (Secret Agent Yan)...the group name was mis-spelt as Tao...so that I could be called Yan Tao! :p we played lots of games over the days and shared during sessions. I felt that the time bet stations at night games was a little awkward but things got better over the days.
Wanna say a BIG thank you to Jeff, Ed, Alan & Wayne for helping me to cut out the cardboard shapes on wed night for my concamp session. It was a really tedious and time-consuming task. Thank God for sending me these angels :D
What I rem feeling during those few days was the overwhelming burden that was getting heavier and heavier as I found out more bad news, most of which I could do nothing about as I was stuck at NUS. Was getting more and more disheartened. Luckily, God always sends us angels to help us. My wonderful Tau group of [Facils] Hannah, Jacob, Kitty, Justin, [Senior] Mari, Audrey, Alexis, Wayne, [Freshies] Teresa, Cheryl, Albert, Marcus, Lionel & Druce. My wonderful neighbour Jon and all those who dropped by my room, talked to, or even smsed from home (Carol)...really appreciate all of you guys!
Can still rem a bit of thurs: we had the games at West Coast park which was quite fun and hung out at Macs after that. Rem taking the pink ballon for Jacob which he was quite embarrassed about. Hannah eventually used it for Bernard (haha the expression on his face was priceless)! I loved the LOM session. Felt that it was the best session that I've ever attended. It was well prepared, well executed and managed to keep our hearts too. I felt the sharing was also very deep and honest esp coming from the freshies. The acting of Paul, Keenan & Justin was just sublime and tear-jerking. Wonderful job guys; totally awed! Just want to share a little from the passage that I like:
"God beholds you individually whoever you are...He sees you and understands you as He made you...He knows what is in you, all your own perculiar feelings and thoughts, your dispositions and likings, your strength and your weaknesses...He interests Himself in all your anxieties and remembrances, all the rising and fallings of your spirit. You do not love yourself better than He loves you...you cannot shrink from pain more than He dislikes you bearing it; and if He puts it on you, it is as you would put it in yourself, if you are wise, for a greater good afterwards"
- Cardinal John Henry Newman Parochial & Plain Sermons Vol III No. 9
Sorry guys, I kinda shortened it cos I'm too lazy to type but basically it shows how much knows us through and through, loves us and that a greater good will come out of our suffering.
I liked the mini p&w esp the first song "Here I am to worship" which already caused me to tear. Spent some time reflecting before deciding to go for praying over and though Am was one of those praying over me, I decided that it was time to be open and let the spirit work. I'm grateful for all the ppl involved and hope that I will continue in this healing process. Recon was good and I had a gd conversation with this Indo priest whose name I still don't know. :) clean sheet of paper. Anyway, thurs night was horrible. There was so much to do and I had to skip the skit prep with Tau. I walked over to Arts to draw money cos I realised that I had spent all my money! and I needed to pay for camp & return jon. Then from arts I walked over to Fong Seng to buy stuff for my angel & mortal, as well as to attempt to find satay sticks or something else to use for my session. I couldnt find anything suitable. Went back to my room and started work. Wrote warm fuzzies for my 6 freshies & angel + mortal. Then started cutting out the remaining cardboard and then thought about what to plan for the session. I was dead tired and couldnt wake up in time the next day. It was Fri and I had not prep the sessions I was supposed to (at least the second one). I was scared. We couldnt get a cab and I kinda hung up on the telephone operator. Fortunately, Nan was around to save the day and he gave Ed n myself a lift to FMM along Holland Road. I was feeling tired, scared & apprehensive: will things work out right? Ed did the most sensible thing: "Nick shall we pray?" And pray we did. For He gives us strength beyond us.
Session 1 was on Self Awareness and I kinda adopted it from a common CSS activity which I had done 3 times in as many yrs. The kids loved it and it went according to plan. Everyone spent so much more time decorating the outside than on the inside (which was supposed to contain their loved ones, those they value, their principles etc). The look on the faces of all the teens after revealing to them that "it was the inside that mattered, not the outside" really made my day.
Session 2 was on Forgiveness and kudos to Wayne who shared with me the idea. I made this board which had the word Self written on it and pasted onto this styrofoam board. Previously, I had been trying to find darts for the teens to throw at it but in the end I had to make do with a big scissors which actually turned out much better than I had anticipated. I got volunteers to come forward (after some sharing questions) to stab the "self" as hard as they can for a Sin that they rem committing. Up stepped forward a few macho guys who really gave it a go and stabbed through the cardboard. The girls didnt want to be outdone and Maureen stabbed quite a few times too! Then the revelation: I cited a few passages from the bible on how we are many parts of One body in Christ and how all our actions affect those in our community and as I peeled away the "self" layer, I revealed the holes in the community layer and showed then how they have "stabbed" those in the community as well. Eventually I revealed a picture of Jesus in the next layer, also with the many holes on it. "Many times when we sin, we don't see how it impacts others, but it does. And though we don't see it, we hurt Jesus too". Then I went on to talk about confession and how when we go for confession, it's not merely the patching up of holes but rather, it's the receiving of a "clean sheet of paper". We start afresh. Praise be to God. The sessions went well and were quite well received. I really couldnt have done it without Him :)
On a side point, I enjoyed playing soccer with the catechist too. Some of them are really good - Br Robert, Peter & Chris! I think we should form a team soon!
Another thing about the camp is about how close it has brought me to others. My sis is one of them - she would find me whenever she had some problem or needed some help and I like this openness. Some of my classmates - Cheryl & Cherlyn - would find me whenever they see me alone and we would chat. Really got to know them better this camp and even others like Fabiola, Averil, Darry, Sudi, Dion etc. Really love these guys :D
Another session that I enjoyed and felt was good was Ed's "Blocks to Love". The moment Ed started his testimony, I started to tear (thank goodness for the dark room). I was getting emotional and it was all being suppressed. Led my first praying over for my Matthew group that night too and I was kinda glad that the teens were being open. Only one of them didnt want to be prayed over. Anyway, I talked to him in private later and realised the extend to which he was being hurt and the burden of which he was carrying on his shoulder. I really felt like crying then, I felt like holding him close to me and just telling Him that God loves him. I listened to him. I just felt upset and sad that someone had to experience that kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that tears you up on the inside and eats at you. I will pray for him everyday in my life that his prayers are answered. I pray for that stone wall to come crumbling down, and for a heart to melt. I pray for him to experience love, the love that he deserves, that all of us deserve and I pray that God will help him experience the best kind of Love.
Last night was interesting. I became a runner. Someone needed stomach ache medicine, someone needed pink panadol, someone needed to talk, some others needed a quieter place to sleep. I like doing it all for the teens. I don't mind - I love them you see. It was a difficult night: I needed to write notes to those teens in my group, letters to those teens whose parents did not bother doing so, and last but not least to my sis. I took a long time to get started and almost gave up but managed to finish it all by 4am. By which time, almost everyone was asleep.
H.E.L.P. letter Session: We (catechists) were kinda disappointed initially cos some parents had told their children about it and they were spreading it during the camp. But the spirit has His own way of working. Seeing all of my teens (esp my sis) in such a state was really too much for me to take and when I too broke down, it was then that I knew all the sacrifices, the frustrations, the work - it was all worth it.
Last session that I would play a part in - the Sum-up. Dan and I decided to act it out. His part was much more difficult cos he had to be the one 'educating' me. We added in all the points while entertaining the teens with my bhb-ness. :p My sis told me that she enjoyed that session and we hope that it drummed home the message: To Know, Love and Serve Him. It was great working with Dan. Though the whole team had our fair share of disagreements, it worked out in the end cos we all looked to God for guidance. I will end off this entry with what Bridget wrote for me in the bookmark she gave me: And on the 7th Day He gave you rest :)
Monday, June 13, 2005
ME
its very heartening to see u happy u know.....cos u're always worried or sian abt stuff.
Those were the words of my fren to me on msn jus now. It just struck me. Not that it's surprising but... Another fren says that if someone didnt know me and read my blog, I would be mistaken for a depressed person. hmmm...
Actually there is truth in that. I don't get happy easily nowadays but I still am a simple person who is contented with little. I find pleasure in small things but I guess when I blog or share stuff with frens, it tends to be the more depressing thoughts? But I am happy and grateful for many things in my life!
For FOC Outreach!!
For my results!!
For my Family, Friends!!
For giving me a chance to serve Him.
There're so many things to do and I can feel the stress lingering but I still have this belief that I will do it. I will accomplish it all. Cos I know that He gives me strength when I do His work.
Anyway, I don't want to be knowns as a dark person who showed little joy. So I guess I should share happy things/times too ya? Will do more of that...for now...FOC 2005 & Confirmation Camp 2005...here I come!
Those were the words of my fren to me on msn jus now. It just struck me. Not that it's surprising but... Another fren says that if someone didnt know me and read my blog, I would be mistaken for a depressed person. hmmm...
Actually there is truth in that. I don't get happy easily nowadays but I still am a simple person who is contented with little. I find pleasure in small things but I guess when I blog or share stuff with frens, it tends to be the more depressing thoughts? But I am happy and grateful for many things in my life!
For FOC Outreach!!
For my results!!
For my Family, Friends!!
For giving me a chance to serve Him.
There're so many things to do and I can feel the stress lingering but I still have this belief that I will do it. I will accomplish it all. Cos I know that He gives me strength when I do His work.
Anyway, I don't want to be knowns as a dark person who showed little joy. So I guess I should share happy things/times too ya? Will do more of that...for now...FOC 2005 & Confirmation Camp 2005...here I come!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
5 ppl you meet in heaven
I have heard of the book b4 but never read it. I watched the movie jus now on Channel 17. A wonderful movie. Been some time since I cried. Here are some lines I like:
"Strangers are only family you've not yet met"
sacrifices: "people only see what they have lost and not what others have gained"
"hatred is a curved sword - you not only hurt others, you hurt yourself"
It's really touching and sad. But the most amazing thing that happened was when during on of the last scenes I started tearing, I turned to check if my dad had seen me tearing but instead I realised that he was tearing as well and I smiled to myself for that was the first time in my life I have seen him tear (or at least the only time I rem). I used to think that my emotional side came from my mum. I'm not too sure now. :p
"Strangers are only family you've not yet met"
sacrifices: "people only see what they have lost and not what others have gained"
"hatred is a curved sword - you not only hurt others, you hurt yourself"
It's really touching and sad. But the most amazing thing that happened was when during on of the last scenes I started tearing, I turned to check if my dad had seen me tearing but instead I realised that he was tearing as well and I smiled to myself for that was the first time in my life I have seen him tear (or at least the only time I rem). I used to think that my emotional side came from my mum. I'm not too sure now. :p
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
the calm before the storm
you know how there is this peace and quiet just before the peak of the storm...like you are at the eye of the tornado or something. That's what I feel right now. There's just so much to do and so little time. In slightly over a week, time is gonna drag by and might even be felt to be inconsequential what I do with it, but for now, for this week till the 19th of June, it's one mad hectic pace.
You know how you start off feeling so passionate and inspired about something only to lose steam and momentum as you stumble towards the finishing line. I guess it best fits my commitment to FOC Publicity and ConCamp. Thankfully, I have the ppl in it to make it easier to bear. I guess for me the outreach experience has taught me independence. I've learnt to rely on myself and do things on my own. More importantly, it has also taught me providence. You only have to do your best and He will provide the rest. So many times we were short of ppl and then God provided like 6-8 ppl when at first there were 2. :) Last but not least, it has taught me never to think that....somehow I don't know how to phrase it...put it into words. It's like you feel lazy and you think that it's ok if you skip the earliest mass (I mean who in hell goes for the earliest mass) but I still go down anyway and I get a name to signup. I guess every little gesture/action counts and if you choose not to do it, I guess you will never really know how it might have affect or influenced others in their own little ways. I guess what I can say about outreach is that I gave it my all, definitely not out of convenience and though I did not hit the personal objective of surpassing MarkG's total signups last yr, I guess I will accept what we have. A BIG THANK YOU to all those who helped make FOC Outreach 2005 such a wonderful success. It would never have been possible w/o every single one of you who so selflessly gave of your time and of yourself. Let's hope most of the signups come for our FOC. :)
On a VERY good note, I was pleased when I realised that I could get back all my old posts in my private blog which had been taken offline some time back as the server for that blog was down. So spent some time reading thru the last few entries (the latest was New Yr's this yr) and felt happy. But now I have a problem. I have two private blogs and I doubt there is a way to combine the two. Man.
Want to end off by thanking God for my results this sem, though it's only 3 mods, I'm VERY VERY grateful for what He has given me. PTL.
And so here we go, a week of activity.
You know how you start off feeling so passionate and inspired about something only to lose steam and momentum as you stumble towards the finishing line. I guess it best fits my commitment to FOC Publicity and ConCamp. Thankfully, I have the ppl in it to make it easier to bear. I guess for me the outreach experience has taught me independence. I've learnt to rely on myself and do things on my own. More importantly, it has also taught me providence. You only have to do your best and He will provide the rest. So many times we were short of ppl and then God provided like 6-8 ppl when at first there were 2. :) Last but not least, it has taught me never to think that....somehow I don't know how to phrase it...put it into words. It's like you feel lazy and you think that it's ok if you skip the earliest mass (I mean who in hell goes for the earliest mass) but I still go down anyway and I get a name to signup. I guess every little gesture/action counts and if you choose not to do it, I guess you will never really know how it might have affect or influenced others in their own little ways. I guess what I can say about outreach is that I gave it my all, definitely not out of convenience and though I did not hit the personal objective of surpassing MarkG's total signups last yr, I guess I will accept what we have. A BIG THANK YOU to all those who helped make FOC Outreach 2005 such a wonderful success. It would never have been possible w/o every single one of you who so selflessly gave of your time and of yourself. Let's hope most of the signups come for our FOC. :)
On a VERY good note, I was pleased when I realised that I could get back all my old posts in my private blog which had been taken offline some time back as the server for that blog was down. So spent some time reading thru the last few entries (the latest was New Yr's this yr) and felt happy. But now I have a problem. I have two private blogs and I doubt there is a way to combine the two. Man.
Want to end off by thanking God for my results this sem, though it's only 3 mods, I'm VERY VERY grateful for what He has given me. PTL.
And so here we go, a week of activity.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Glad (but tired)
Just came back home not too long ago. quite a satisfying day though I'm dead-beat. Had confirmation camp meeting at Raffles Place mrt and it went well, esp since Ed treated us to Kayatoast & Teh~, then we went for lunch and ate Chicken Rice which was damn gd b4 Dan chia~ me teh-c ice blended. heh.
went down to sch but was super early but managed to settle some confirmation camp stuff...many thanks to Alan who stayed back to help me! :)
then went for the social work thank-you dinner thingy. It was nice and small; we had a little buffet thingy and we ate, talked n mingled in the conference room. I really love these ppl man. Kinda reinforces my decision to cross over to the bright side! ;) (sorry psych ppl) I can say for sure the fellowship that we enjoy in the social work dept cannot be found in any other faculty or major in arts.
Anyway, managed to talk to CG who is doing his placement at IMH under my sup. Appears that the situation is damn jialat this time round man n they even had a trashing out session where one girl actually broke down and cried. Tt's the prob with MH n Vin lah...I feel that their intentions are gd and that at the end we learn a lot but the means they use to reach tt ends isn't exactly what I would call ideal. I rem that it took me close to the end of placement before I finally lost it and gave them a piece of my mind. I lasted a few weeks more than them. I hope things get better for them man. I wonder how I managed to get thru those 400 hrs unscathed.
Anyway, the most interesting part of the evening came when Prof Ngiam the Head of the Social Work dept offered to bring us to his country club so that we can play pool. We ended up teaching him how to play and eventually CY n myself won 3-2 againist Prof Ngiam and Far. heh and we didnt give chance ok! you know I love pool lah but I just suck at it and to go with the lack of skill, I have no luck either.
Oh well, really tired now. gonna zzZZ soon...
thank you God for all these. just help me through all my commitments and I will spend more time with You.
went down to sch but was super early but managed to settle some confirmation camp stuff...many thanks to Alan who stayed back to help me! :)
then went for the social work thank-you dinner thingy. It was nice and small; we had a little buffet thingy and we ate, talked n mingled in the conference room. I really love these ppl man. Kinda reinforces my decision to cross over to the bright side! ;) (sorry psych ppl) I can say for sure the fellowship that we enjoy in the social work dept cannot be found in any other faculty or major in arts.
Anyway, managed to talk to CG who is doing his placement at IMH under my sup. Appears that the situation is damn jialat this time round man n they even had a trashing out session where one girl actually broke down and cried. Tt's the prob with MH n Vin lah...I feel that their intentions are gd and that at the end we learn a lot but the means they use to reach tt ends isn't exactly what I would call ideal. I rem that it took me close to the end of placement before I finally lost it and gave them a piece of my mind. I lasted a few weeks more than them. I hope things get better for them man. I wonder how I managed to get thru those 400 hrs unscathed.
Anyway, the most interesting part of the evening came when Prof Ngiam the Head of the Social Work dept offered to bring us to his country club so that we can play pool. We ended up teaching him how to play and eventually CY n myself won 3-2 againist Prof Ngiam and Far. heh and we didnt give chance ok! you know I love pool lah but I just suck at it and to go with the lack of skill, I have no luck either.
Oh well, really tired now. gonna zzZZ soon...
thank you God for all these. just help me through all my commitments and I will spend more time with You.
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