CSS FOC '05 & Concamp '05

It's been an exhausting 7 days and I want to share my experiences, the lows and the highs. I just hope that I can rem it all.

Monday: Day started a little later cos I had to go Bras Basar to buy material for the concamp sessions so met Ed there and he being the nice guy that he is, treated me to lunch at Jack's Place. What a way to start the week! Then we had a nice chat and all there before moving up to buy the stuff and then get a cab to sch. Things started off slowly. I was apprehensive as I wasnt sure I was going to enjoy FOC esp since it would be the second yr in a row that I was doing background work and the fear of not feeling the sense of belonging overwhelmed me again. However, as it would turn out, I was needed as a facil and though I wasnt really psyched up or prepared for it I decided to take up the challenge. That night was the worst cos I could not sleep though I was in bed since 2am. Kept tossing and turning around and changed so many positions that I think I kinda outdid the karmasutra but I only managed to fall asleep at 5am. 2 hrs of sleep to start the day the freshies arrived.

Tues, Wed & Thurs: Can't rem much just that had to be thick-skinned and suan the engineers to entertain everyone. Our group was called Tau cos of the Franciscan Tau cross but thanks to me (Secret Agent Yan)...the group name was mis-spelt as Tao...so that I could be called Yan Tao! :p we played lots of games over the days and shared during sessions. I felt that the time bet stations at night games was a little awkward but things got better over the days.
Wanna say a BIG thank you to Jeff, Ed, Alan & Wayne for helping me to cut out the cardboard shapes on wed night for my concamp session. It was a really tedious and time-consuming task. Thank God for sending me these angels :D
What I rem feeling during those few days was the overwhelming burden that was getting heavier and heavier as I found out more bad news, most of which I could do nothing about as I was stuck at NUS. Was getting more and more disheartened. Luckily, God always sends us angels to help us. My wonderful Tau group of [Facils] Hannah, Jacob, Kitty, Justin, [Senior] Mari, Audrey, Alexis, Wayne, [Freshies] Teresa, Cheryl, Albert, Marcus, Lionel & Druce. My wonderful neighbour Jon and all those who dropped by my room, talked to, or even smsed from home (Carol)...really appreciate all of you guys!
Can still rem a bit of thurs: we had the games at West Coast park which was quite fun and hung out at Macs after that. Rem taking the pink ballon for Jacob which he was quite embarrassed about. Hannah eventually used it for Bernard (haha the expression on his face was priceless)! I loved the LOM session. Felt that it was the best session that I've ever attended. It was well prepared, well executed and managed to keep our hearts too. I felt the sharing was also very deep and honest esp coming from the freshies. The acting of Paul, Keenan & Justin was just sublime and tear-jerking. Wonderful job guys; totally awed! Just want to share a little from the passage that I like:

"God beholds you individually whoever you are...He sees you and understands you as He made you...He knows what is in you, all your own perculiar feelings and thoughts, your dispositions and likings, your strength and your weaknesses...He interests Himself in all your anxieties and remembrances, all the rising and fallings of your spirit. You do not love yourself better than He loves you...you cannot shrink from pain more than He dislikes you bearing it; and if He puts it on you, it is as you would put it in yourself, if you are wise, for a greater good afterwards"
- Cardinal John Henry Newman Parochial & Plain Sermons Vol III No. 9

Sorry guys, I kinda shortened it cos I'm too lazy to type but basically it shows how much knows us through and through, loves us and that a greater good will come out of our suffering.

I liked the mini p&w esp the first song "Here I am to worship" which already caused me to tear. Spent some time reflecting before deciding to go for praying over and though Am was one of those praying over me, I decided that it was time to be open and let the spirit work. I'm grateful for all the ppl involved and hope that I will continue in this healing process. Recon was good and I had a gd conversation with this Indo priest whose name I still don't know. :) clean sheet of paper. Anyway, thurs night was horrible. There was so much to do and I had to skip the skit prep with Tau. I walked over to Arts to draw money cos I realised that I had spent all my money! and I needed to pay for camp & return jon. Then from arts I walked over to Fong Seng to buy stuff for my angel & mortal, as well as to attempt to find satay sticks or something else to use for my session. I couldnt find anything suitable. Went back to my room and started work. Wrote warm fuzzies for my 6 freshies & angel + mortal. Then started cutting out the remaining cardboard and then thought about what to plan for the session. I was dead tired and couldnt wake up in time the next day. It was Fri and I had not prep the sessions I was supposed to (at least the second one). I was scared. We couldnt get a cab and I kinda hung up on the telephone operator. Fortunately, Nan was around to save the day and he gave Ed n myself a lift to FMM along Holland Road. I was feeling tired, scared & apprehensive: will things work out right? Ed did the most sensible thing: "Nick shall we pray?" And pray we did. For He gives us strength beyond us.
Session 1 was on Self Awareness and I kinda adopted it from a common CSS activity which I had done 3 times in as many yrs. The kids loved it and it went according to plan. Everyone spent so much more time decorating the outside than on the inside (which was supposed to contain their loved ones, those they value, their principles etc). The look on the faces of all the teens after revealing to them that "it was the inside that mattered, not the outside" really made my day.
Session 2 was on Forgiveness and kudos to Wayne who shared with me the idea. I made this board which had the word Self written on it and pasted onto this styrofoam board. Previously, I had been trying to find darts for the teens to throw at it but in the end I had to make do with a big scissors which actually turned out much better than I had anticipated. I got volunteers to come forward (after some sharing questions) to stab the "self" as hard as they can for a Sin that they rem committing. Up stepped forward a few macho guys who really gave it a go and stabbed through the cardboard. The girls didnt want to be outdone and Maureen stabbed quite a few times too! Then the revelation: I cited a few passages from the bible on how we are many parts of One body in Christ and how all our actions affect those in our community and as I peeled away the "self" layer, I revealed the holes in the community layer and showed then how they have "stabbed" those in the community as well. Eventually I revealed a picture of Jesus in the next layer, also with the many holes on it. "Many times when we sin, we don't see how it impacts others, but it does. And though we don't see it, we hurt Jesus too". Then I went on to talk about confession and how when we go for confession, it's not merely the patching up of holes but rather, it's the receiving of a "clean sheet of paper". We start afresh. Praise be to God. The sessions went well and were quite well received. I really couldnt have done it without Him :)
On a side point, I enjoyed playing soccer with the catechist too. Some of them are really good - Br Robert, Peter & Chris! I think we should form a team soon!
Another thing about the camp is about how close it has brought me to others. My sis is one of them - she would find me whenever she had some problem or needed some help and I like this openness. Some of my classmates - Cheryl & Cherlyn - would find me whenever they see me alone and we would chat. Really got to know them better this camp and even others like Fabiola, Averil, Darry, Sudi, Dion etc. Really love these guys :D
Another session that I enjoyed and felt was good was Ed's "Blocks to Love". The moment Ed started his testimony, I started to tear (thank goodness for the dark room). I was getting emotional and it was all being suppressed. Led my first praying over for my Matthew group that night too and I was kinda glad that the teens were being open. Only one of them didnt want to be prayed over. Anyway, I talked to him in private later and realised the extend to which he was being hurt and the burden of which he was carrying on his shoulder. I really felt like crying then, I felt like holding him close to me and just telling Him that God loves him. I listened to him. I just felt upset and sad that someone had to experience that kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that tears you up on the inside and eats at you. I will pray for him everyday in my life that his prayers are answered. I pray for that stone wall to come crumbling down, and for a heart to melt. I pray for him to experience love, the love that he deserves, that all of us deserve and I pray that God will help him experience the best kind of Love.
Last night was interesting. I became a runner. Someone needed stomach ache medicine, someone needed pink panadol, someone needed to talk, some others needed a quieter place to sleep. I like doing it all for the teens. I don't mind - I love them you see. It was a difficult night: I needed to write notes to those teens in my group, letters to those teens whose parents did not bother doing so, and last but not least to my sis. I took a long time to get started and almost gave up but managed to finish it all by 4am. By which time, almost everyone was asleep.
H.E.L.P. letter Session: We (catechists) were kinda disappointed initially cos some parents had told their children about it and they were spreading it during the camp. But the spirit has His own way of working. Seeing all of my teens (esp my sis) in such a state was really too much for me to take and when I too broke down, it was then that I knew all the sacrifices, the frustrations, the work - it was all worth it.
Last session that I would play a part in - the Sum-up. Dan and I decided to act it out. His part was much more difficult cos he had to be the one 'educating' me. We added in all the points while entertaining the teens with my bhb-ness. :p My sis told me that she enjoyed that session and we hope that it drummed home the message: To Know, Love and Serve Him. It was great working with Dan. Though the whole team had our fair share of disagreements, it worked out in the end cos we all looked to God for guidance. I will end off this entry with what Bridget wrote for me in the bookmark she gave me: And on the 7th Day He gave you rest :)