Did my 1st of two exam invigilations yesterday at KR Hall. It's really quite interesting to be on "the other side" this time round. The best part is that you can still smell/feel the tension in the air but this time, there really ain't any consequences or anything to worry about. The only part where I was stressed was when everyone was waiting for me to count the bubble forms before they could go off but I counted one shot! So had to re-count. *stress sia*
Anyway, just a funny incident happened. A girl raised up her hand towards the last 20 mins of the exam and I walked over to the girl, bent over and asked her, "Yes?" Then all I got was a blank look. Then the girl in front of her called out to me, "It's me!" Oops, damn paiseh can? I got the wrong girl! Then the girl in front was like trying to stifle her giggle.
Oh well, interesting la. The next one lagi best - a 1-on-1 invigilation on the 6th of Dec. I wonder how I'm gonna get through that 2.5 hours man! No more pacing this time, lest I make the guy dizzy.
Have a good day!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
..
I just counted - I have exactly 14 days of work left; excluding 1.5 days of leave that I have yet to clear. Is 14 days enough to finish what I have to? I don't know. Do I care? I don't know either. My feelings about leaving are ambivalent - on the one hand i know it's best for my professional & personal growth (probably to stop my physical growth as well; which is a good thing), whilst on the other, there's so much I feel I'm giving up. An example of how what you know is best for you but you can't really put it into action without feeling some sort of dissonance.
I have been enjoying the past few days (maybe even weeks). Sat was particularly sweet, with Glo's housewarming! It was nice to just catch up with the rest of the house reps, some of whom I have not seen since JC! And it's quite interesting to see the diverse professions tt we're in - teaching, software programming, free-lance writing, trader, industrial designer, nursing (!), air forces, medcine...haha I wonder who I left out...got to know Ale better also cos she stays in Sengkang and we shared a cab back...too bad she's returning to Aussie soon...I think recent meet-ups and gathering have left me missing NJ days pretty much...and looking at glo's pics sure refreshed some memories...heh.
On another front, I'm fighting a battle. A battle which I think I can only lose get hurt. Hurt pretty badly. I guess what Alan said is true, but am I willing to take the risk? Alas, the words from Macbeth seem so far though the analogy is a tad bit grosteque:
There's another song right that goes something along the lines of "having gone in too deep"... yeah, something like tt...somehow I think things will be completely different once exams end... I pray for strength Lord, walk with me and guide me. Don't let me break. Pls, no.
I have been enjoying the past few days (maybe even weeks). Sat was particularly sweet, with Glo's housewarming! It was nice to just catch up with the rest of the house reps, some of whom I have not seen since JC! And it's quite interesting to see the diverse professions tt we're in - teaching, software programming, free-lance writing, trader, industrial designer, nursing (!), air forces, medcine...haha I wonder who I left out...got to know Ale better also cos she stays in Sengkang and we shared a cab back...too bad she's returning to Aussie soon...I think recent meet-ups and gathering have left me missing NJ days pretty much...and looking at glo's pics sure refreshed some memories...heh.
On another front, I'm fighting a battle. A battle which I think I can only lose get hurt. Hurt pretty badly. I guess what Alan said is true, but am I willing to take the risk? Alas, the words from Macbeth seem so far though the analogy is a tad bit grosteque:
"I 'd waded in blood so far, that returning were as tedious as to go o'er"
There's another song right that goes something along the lines of "having gone in too deep"... yeah, something like tt...somehow I think things will be completely different once exams end... I pray for strength Lord, walk with me and guide me. Don't let me break. Pls, no.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Marley and Me / Decision made
I finally managed to finish up the book - Marley and Me - on Sunday and not w/o some drama. I essentially wept through two of the chapters; the chapters in which Marley the psychotic and ever faithful & loving dog flirted with death and eventually lost. I guess this book would not have made an impact if I didn't have a dog. But I do. And in a sense, it brought to awareness the reality that one day, my family and I would have to face the same heart-break. I rem Ter Thia some time back being so upset at the loss of her dog. I would say that the pain experienced is no less than that suffered when a family member/loved one passes away. In fact, Dusty has become so much a part of our family that our thoughts don't come back to her when we're out, esp for my mum. I will cherish the moments with her. Truely.
After so much deliberation, I've made a decision. Regardless of the result of my job application, I have decided to leave NUS once my contract ends, 31st Dec 2006. I think that my decision is an obvious choice and it's something I know I should do, but it's painful nonetheless. It seems as if I'm giving up a lot and maybe I am, but I sincerely believe that it is for my own personal and professional growth. I will miss many things, at the foremost, the interactions with students, my office and my wonderful CSS friends whom I can seek refuge from when things don't go well. I really don't know where I will be come next year but hopefully my application works out. Hopefully. Would appreciate your prayers :)
On another front, things are looking ominous. Actually, truth be told, I know I should move on. But as usual, theory and practice find it difficult to reconcile. Oh, that sinking feeling. Somebody save me! I hope I can save myself this time. And I have a feeling that I'm stronger and this time, I can help to help myself move on. I must.
After so much deliberation, I've made a decision. Regardless of the result of my job application, I have decided to leave NUS once my contract ends, 31st Dec 2006. I think that my decision is an obvious choice and it's something I know I should do, but it's painful nonetheless. It seems as if I'm giving up a lot and maybe I am, but I sincerely believe that it is for my own personal and professional growth. I will miss many things, at the foremost, the interactions with students, my office and my wonderful CSS friends whom I can seek refuge from when things don't go well. I really don't know where I will be come next year but hopefully my application works out. Hopefully. Would appreciate your prayers :)
On another front, things are looking ominous. Actually, truth be told, I know I should move on. But as usual, theory and practice find it difficult to reconcile. Oh, that sinking feeling. Somebody save me! I hope I can save myself this time. And I have a feeling that I'm stronger and this time, I can help to help myself move on. I must.
Friday, November 10, 2006
.
It's been some time since I last blogged but recent events probably would have warranted some writing. I guess, some things are better left unsaid; when not made tangible, some things you forget. Maybe. Maybe not.
Work has been pretty busy but I guess since I'm close to a decision now, I'm not too concerned about worrying about what ppl will think about me when I leave on time at 5pm. I'm not so concerned about the report I'm writing cos (1) it's not graded, (2) though I'm writing every last word of it, I doubt my name will appear as the author anyway. I mean tt's why I'm paid to do some Dr's shit work right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or cheesed off about work. In fact, though there is def stress, I'm liberated in a sense. I'm on my own schedule and work rather independently, without much interference from "superiors". Regarding career, I seriously know what I should do since I want direct practice experience, but sometimes the obvious is also the hardest decision. I mean, there's so much to give up. I was looking, really looking at my office today and realised that no where else was I gonna get such a big private space with shelves, cupboards & even a BIG board to put up pics, photos, newspaper articles and whatever I want. I will miss the interaction with my friends in CSS, the social work students and the sw staff (most of them anyway). I'm comfortable. But truth be told, I don't like what I'm doing at all. It'll be fine if I were ok with brainless stuff (ok, some bits require brain) but I hate admin and I feel as if my main job scope is that of a secretary. It's much better now cos I'm busy coordinating 80 student RA (research assistants) and liaising a lot with some govt agencies, but I think I need the interaction with clients. I hope I get a reply soon and resolve all issues. But even if I don't get what I have applied for, I think leaving should still be the route to take. The problem now is how I'm gonna tell the Head cos he's just such a nice guy that I would feel as if I was letting him down or even betraying him. But this is what I've got to do.
On another matter, I've been thinking seriously about something. I guess my answer comes in Matt19:26 - With men this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. And I even have two testimonies to prove this point. I guess at the end of the day, I have to decide whether this is it and if I should take the plunge and make myself vulnerable in order to seek happiness. It's amazing how things could have turned out this way. I mean, it was accidental. I never intended it and it just happened. But with knowledge, ignorance is stripped away. And when ignorance is stripped away, you're changed forever - perception, thinking, emotions - and you can't return to your prior state and pretend you don't know. And with that comes decisions. I think I will take some time to discern. To think, reflect. I'm sure God will guide me. One thing I'm glad for is that this time, when i felt I was gonna "free fall", I pulled myself together and turned to God, who always provides. Thank you to the instruments of His that helped me through this week. You know who you are. Thank you & God bless.
Work has been pretty busy but I guess since I'm close to a decision now, I'm not too concerned about worrying about what ppl will think about me when I leave on time at 5pm. I'm not so concerned about the report I'm writing cos (1) it's not graded, (2) though I'm writing every last word of it, I doubt my name will appear as the author anyway. I mean tt's why I'm paid to do some Dr's shit work right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or cheesed off about work. In fact, though there is def stress, I'm liberated in a sense. I'm on my own schedule and work rather independently, without much interference from "superiors". Regarding career, I seriously know what I should do since I want direct practice experience, but sometimes the obvious is also the hardest decision. I mean, there's so much to give up. I was looking, really looking at my office today and realised that no where else was I gonna get such a big private space with shelves, cupboards & even a BIG board to put up pics, photos, newspaper articles and whatever I want. I will miss the interaction with my friends in CSS, the social work students and the sw staff (most of them anyway). I'm comfortable. But truth be told, I don't like what I'm doing at all. It'll be fine if I were ok with brainless stuff (ok, some bits require brain) but I hate admin and I feel as if my main job scope is that of a secretary. It's much better now cos I'm busy coordinating 80 student RA (research assistants) and liaising a lot with some govt agencies, but I think I need the interaction with clients. I hope I get a reply soon and resolve all issues. But even if I don't get what I have applied for, I think leaving should still be the route to take. The problem now is how I'm gonna tell the Head cos he's just such a nice guy that I would feel as if I was letting him down or even betraying him. But this is what I've got to do.
On another matter, I've been thinking seriously about something. I guess my answer comes in Matt19:26 - With men this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. And I even have two testimonies to prove this point. I guess at the end of the day, I have to decide whether this is it and if I should take the plunge and make myself vulnerable in order to seek happiness. It's amazing how things could have turned out this way. I mean, it was accidental. I never intended it and it just happened. But with knowledge, ignorance is stripped away. And when ignorance is stripped away, you're changed forever - perception, thinking, emotions - and you can't return to your prior state and pretend you don't know. And with that comes decisions. I think I will take some time to discern. To think, reflect. I'm sure God will guide me. One thing I'm glad for is that this time, when i felt I was gonna "free fall", I pulled myself together and turned to God, who always provides. Thank you to the instruments of His that helped me through this week. You know who you are. Thank you & God bless.
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