It's been a fast and slow couple of days. One of those days when you don't feel productive but kinda productive, do some work but don't do others. Feel happy when slacking, happy when working.
Fri was quite bad at first. Got off the phone with a lady who's in charge of agencies with potential respondents for my research. Seems like I will have a lot of difficulty getting my sample. Indeed. I felt like crying. Then when I saw CY in the lib, God seemed to have sent me hope. Dr Ng had asked him to pass me a registration form to participate in a forum related to my topic. And of cos some of my honours classmates seem to be helping me as well. I'm blessed.
I seem to need lots of sleep these days. 9 hours to be exact. Sigh. I need to work, get started on real work. Not just aimless 'research'.
I enjoyed celebrating CY birthday on Fri...it was gd. SWAPS AGM was errr...well...all we can say is that we tried our best. At the end of the day, emotions still triump over rationality.
Anyway, I'm back from CHarkwa's Bday...hope she enjoyed herself. On the way back I heard this song in the car...very nice song...and too new in fact to d/l :p Anyway, do catch it if you can...for all of you...
CHANGE - by Tracy Chapman
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and Love,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart,
When you're down so low you cannot fall,
Would you change? Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses, how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget, makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth,
That brings up pain that can't be soothed,
Would you change? Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses, how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget, makes you change?
Makes you change
Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and Love,
Would you change? Would you change?
Would you change? Would you change?
If you saw the face of God and Love,
If you saw the face of God and Love,
Would you change? Would you change?
It really struck me. I hope it did the same for you.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Crash: moving at the speed of life, we are bound to collide with each other
It's a movie that I had been wanting to catch but couldn't find someone to watch with.
In a line this movie is about...
all the various ethnicities in America and how they have stereotypes of other ethnicities which are in fact perpetuated by the actions of those they stereotype. Get it? well, for a better sypnosis check out the official website: Crash
Anyway, the thing that I liked about the movie was the fact that they protrayed the different facets of each character so much so that even though one character (eg. Matt Dillion) was just a bastard in one scene, he played a hero in another, being a filial son in another. It's this capturing of various aspects of one character that struck me the most - even the worst ppl on this earth have a soft side to them; even the nicest ppl have their flaws. I guess that's how all of us are - the good and bad side resides in us. Anyway, just wanna leave you guys with this pic I ripped off the official website...shd catch the movie if you can :)
In a line this movie is about...
all the various ethnicities in America and how they have stereotypes of other ethnicities which are in fact perpetuated by the actions of those they stereotype. Get it? well, for a better sypnosis check out the official website: Crash
Anyway, the thing that I liked about the movie was the fact that they protrayed the different facets of each character so much so that even though one character (eg. Matt Dillion) was just a bastard in one scene, he played a hero in another, being a filial son in another. It's this capturing of various aspects of one character that struck me the most - even the worst ppl on this earth have a soft side to them; even the nicest ppl have their flaws. I guess that's how all of us are - the good and bad side resides in us. Anyway, just wanna leave you guys with this pic I ripped off the official website...shd catch the movie if you can :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Welcome to Honours Year
As I walked into class for my first lesson this sem, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of excitement. The little excitement faded though and was quickly replaced with fear and high cortisol levels. The fact that so much was demanded, compounded with the loss of fantastic potential grp mates such as CY and Fareez made it so much harder to breathe. Computing & Society wasn't too promising too and the fact that I had no more S/Us left didn't bode well for me either.
On a positive front, my meeting with my thesis sup, Dr Ow, turned out much better than expected. Bad thing is that all my research on suicide & cutting behaviour has come to nought cos my thesis topic is now on the very different topic of caregiving of Alzheimer's patients. Interesting part is that I have to read up on this growing aspect of psych called - Positive Psychology. Will have to make contact with the 4 agencies in Singapore which serve this select but growing grp of patients in Spore. There's a lot of work to be done.
At least it ended off with gd frens - thanks for those who had dinner with me (CY, bao, nan, jon, jo, lex) and popped by (aka scared of cockroach gal) thanks for being my social support. At least I know I won't be alone on this journey.
On a positive front, my meeting with my thesis sup, Dr Ow, turned out much better than expected. Bad thing is that all my research on suicide & cutting behaviour has come to nought cos my thesis topic is now on the very different topic of caregiving of Alzheimer's patients. Interesting part is that I have to read up on this growing aspect of psych called - Positive Psychology. Will have to make contact with the 4 agencies in Singapore which serve this select but growing grp of patients in Spore. There's a lot of work to be done.
At least it ended off with gd frens - thanks for those who had dinner with me (CY, bao, nan, jon, jo, lex) and popped by (aka scared of cockroach gal) thanks for being my social support. At least I know I won't be alone on this journey.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I'm tired but I don't wanna sleep...
welcome to the new semester. For the record, I have not had my first class yet.
there're so many thoughts in my head now.
myself: there're so many things about myself I wanna change. One of which I mentioned in my previous post already. The other which my fren CY actually mentioned to me last week but I kinda dismissed it. His pastor had told him something about the words he speak shd be about God. The CY went on to say that he shd stop joking n poking fun of ppl. It only struck me today when Fr mentioned it during his homily. What is it that I am speaking, can someone tell if I am a Christian from what I say? Profanities shd be the first to go but I doubt I can control it when I play soccer or when some jerk cuts into my lane. It has become instinctual, almost an automatic response. Is making fun of others good? I don't think so. You may think that they can take it or rather they don't take it to heart but you never know. And there's nothing inherently good in generating laughter at another's expence. The same goes for gossiping. Actually, I don't know where is the line and what constitutes gossiping about someone. I construe it as talking about BAD things behind one's back. I've been guilty of that the past few weeks. I don't know why but I'm not naturally gossipy but...sigh...must try to change.
I want to exercise more and lose weight. Man, I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life but I seem SO comfortable with myself that I don't even bother. Sigh.
I want to read the bible on a regular basis. I think laziness is the reason behind not doing so. Fr said today that it's the most important book you'll ever need to read but why do I choose to read some social work text every sem instead of the bible?
I want to remain humble. Another impt point that CY pointed out last week.
About being single...
I want to remain focused this yr and I'm not gonna let ANY girl get me off track. I guess I've tried to get to know someone better but it's not working out. Somehow tt's the way it is lah but I'm not gonna let it get me down. For the many girls who have been wanting to get to know me better, I'm sorry. Really really sorry. Maybe you can take a queue number and we can meet up like after the 31st of March, 2006? cos tt's when my thesis is due :D
Come on Nick, who are you kidding? Aiya, whatever lah, single then single lah. The most I will join Keenan and have a Double Ordination at the CHurch of the Risen Christ in 8 yrs time :p
About CSS...
trying to wash my hands and keep quiet wrt to decision making or commenting about how things shd be done etc...indeed it has changed...in many areas for the better but in some areas for the worse. I rem telling Alan n Wayne about how I felt I was not needed anymore, that I was out of the "grand design" and Alan so wisely commented, that's the way it's meant to be. That's God's way of teaching us that none of us are indispensible. Life goes on. Time to let go.
About Church & Cat Class...
Henry asked me a qn no one in church has asked me b4, "how come you're not in SALT?" I never considered joining the youth ministry b4. I don't think it's being run properly but shd I join, to try to make a difference? Anyway, looking forward to Ser coming back next yr and hopefully can pull in others like Carol? Then at least we got a core team. It's really much easier to work with ppl on the same wavelength.
I'm intending to bring my kids to novena, prob during the one week break (inspired by Ian). Gonna take a lot of effort man but I think it shd be done. Might try to connect to my previous class too but tt's gonna be MUCH harder to do. Sometimes I ask for too much: that they always feel God's Love, that they keep the faith, that they rem that God loves them. I wonder if they even rem a single thing I told them. Do they rem me. I don't think I've done much for my Godson. He's still so playful and his 'O's are ard the corner. I tried telling that to him then i realised tt I ended up nagging n he switched off. I really want him to do well man. *wake up wake up* I want you to do well.
*TIRED*
Anyway, I will leave you guys with a song. I think I heard this song subconsciously before. Then one morning when I was waiting for my ex at KAP (she was 1.5 hrs late), I started humming the tune w/o knowing the song and only after that did I ask ard and found out what it was...enjoy.
Out of my Head -by Fastball
Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say
Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then its time you spoke up too
there're so many thoughts in my head now.
myself: there're so many things about myself I wanna change. One of which I mentioned in my previous post already. The other which my fren CY actually mentioned to me last week but I kinda dismissed it. His pastor had told him something about the words he speak shd be about God. The CY went on to say that he shd stop joking n poking fun of ppl. It only struck me today when Fr mentioned it during his homily. What is it that I am speaking, can someone tell if I am a Christian from what I say? Profanities shd be the first to go but I doubt I can control it when I play soccer or when some jerk cuts into my lane. It has become instinctual, almost an automatic response. Is making fun of others good? I don't think so. You may think that they can take it or rather they don't take it to heart but you never know. And there's nothing inherently good in generating laughter at another's expence. The same goes for gossiping. Actually, I don't know where is the line and what constitutes gossiping about someone. I construe it as talking about BAD things behind one's back. I've been guilty of that the past few weeks. I don't know why but I'm not naturally gossipy but...sigh...must try to change.
I want to exercise more and lose weight. Man, I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life but I seem SO comfortable with myself that I don't even bother. Sigh.
I want to read the bible on a regular basis. I think laziness is the reason behind not doing so. Fr said today that it's the most important book you'll ever need to read but why do I choose to read some social work text every sem instead of the bible?
I want to remain humble. Another impt point that CY pointed out last week.
About being single...
I want to remain focused this yr and I'm not gonna let ANY girl get me off track. I guess I've tried to get to know someone better but it's not working out. Somehow tt's the way it is lah but I'm not gonna let it get me down. For the many girls who have been wanting to get to know me better, I'm sorry. Really really sorry. Maybe you can take a queue number and we can meet up like after the 31st of March, 2006? cos tt's when my thesis is due :D
Come on Nick, who are you kidding? Aiya, whatever lah, single then single lah. The most I will join Keenan and have a Double Ordination at the CHurch of the Risen Christ in 8 yrs time :p
About CSS...
trying to wash my hands and keep quiet wrt to decision making or commenting about how things shd be done etc...indeed it has changed...in many areas for the better but in some areas for the worse. I rem telling Alan n Wayne about how I felt I was not needed anymore, that I was out of the "grand design" and Alan so wisely commented, that's the way it's meant to be. That's God's way of teaching us that none of us are indispensible. Life goes on. Time to let go.
About Church & Cat Class...
Henry asked me a qn no one in church has asked me b4, "how come you're not in SALT?" I never considered joining the youth ministry b4. I don't think it's being run properly but shd I join, to try to make a difference? Anyway, looking forward to Ser coming back next yr and hopefully can pull in others like Carol? Then at least we got a core team. It's really much easier to work with ppl on the same wavelength.
I'm intending to bring my kids to novena, prob during the one week break (inspired by Ian). Gonna take a lot of effort man but I think it shd be done. Might try to connect to my previous class too but tt's gonna be MUCH harder to do. Sometimes I ask for too much: that they always feel God's Love, that they keep the faith, that they rem that God loves them. I wonder if they even rem a single thing I told them. Do they rem me. I don't think I've done much for my Godson. He's still so playful and his 'O's are ard the corner. I tried telling that to him then i realised tt I ended up nagging n he switched off. I really want him to do well man. *wake up wake up* I want you to do well.
*TIRED*
Anyway, I will leave you guys with a song. I think I heard this song subconsciously before. Then one morning when I was waiting for my ex at KAP (she was 1.5 hrs late), I started humming the tune w/o knowing the song and only after that did I ask ard and found out what it was...enjoy.
Out of my Head -by Fastball
Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say
Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then its time you spoke up too
Monday, August 08, 2005
It's hard being Christian
there have been many times the past few days that I'v had the urge to blog and the moment I go to this page, the urge dies off as suddenly as it came. So many things have happened, so many things I wanna blog about. Most recently, about the sermon that the priest at Novena gave just now. I felt inspired. I wanted to focus on God, love all those ard me. But I can't. It's like I don't know why but I get agitated so easily and I don't have hormones or the rush of blood to blame for it. Then it's just me?
I couldn't have asked for a better start to the new academic year - waking up at 10, mass at novena & lunch with my family. But then, it's always my irritability & tone of voice that screws things up.
Many times it's not the content or what you say that matters, but HOW you say it:
"CAN YOU NOT BANG THE DOOR SO HARD?!?!" as compared to...
*smile* "hey, are you trying to spoil my door?"
I don't know lah but I think it's something that I have to work on. I tend to take the aggressive tone esp when something is done not to my liking. Even when I pose a genuine question to a presenter, it seems confrontational. *sigh* I will try to change that this sem.
It's so easy to be un-Christian in my behaviour. But it's so freaking hard to be Chrisitian-like. So freaking hard.
I couldn't have asked for a better start to the new academic year - waking up at 10, mass at novena & lunch with my family. But then, it's always my irritability & tone of voice that screws things up.
Many times it's not the content or what you say that matters, but HOW you say it:
"CAN YOU NOT BANG THE DOOR SO HARD?!?!" as compared to...
*smile* "hey, are you trying to spoil my door?"
I don't know lah but I think it's something that I have to work on. I tend to take the aggressive tone esp when something is done not to my liking. Even when I pose a genuine question to a presenter, it seems confrontational. *sigh* I will try to change that this sem.
It's so easy to be un-Christian in my behaviour. But it's so freaking hard to be Chrisitian-like. So freaking hard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)