I had fun today. Comparing myself back to last year when alan and myself got a shady deal - wearing this lime-green polo-tee and having to become the fatigue party: the team of macho men in tight tees who you can summon to clear rubbish, get u drinks or clear your table. This year, the CP3s had to man the Frog Jump game stall. It was fun. Hot though but the thing I was most pleased with is that EVERY single person in my cat class went. I was suspecting that Kenneth might find an excuse to run off, Melvin, Watson & Wilson won't show and Fabiola might be too tired to come. Was really pleasantly surprised when all came and all helped out even if it was for a short while. Thanks a million to those like Wayne & MarkC who helped out even though they didn't need to. Ed & Peter, thanks for ur dedication n big heart for helping out so long. I liked it cos this year, the kids ran the show lah and I could just slack at the back :)
Had a gd time walking about n all too.
*side track*
have to tell you guys a pick-up line that came to my mind yest. I tried tripping one of the girls in my cat class cos she was suaning me then it occured to me.
First I try to trip the girl. Then she'll prob ask, "why did you do that???" Then I say, "Cos I want you to fall for me!" :D and give a goofy grin (the kind Maurice is great at).
The prob with this was that I verbalised it to my cat class kids and now they insist that I'm trying to get Cheryl to fall for me. Oh man, my mistake, my mistake.
*back to funfair*
Went home rather tired but had to stay awake so that I could reach church by 430pm for the procession rehearsal. The statue which my cat class kids had to carry was heavy man; my arms were trembling when Anthony and myself shifted it. I'm quite proud that all 8 of them - Dion, Sudi, Darry, Charles, Averil, Bern, Cherlyn & Cheryl - managed to pull it off. Saw them struggling but in the end they managed to pull thru. heh. Mass was good and overall, it was a good day. Good Day.
Had dinner at KFC in Compasspoint with 6 of them and chatted for awhile, n let the guys show me some magic card tricks. Then escorted Sudi, Charles, Cherlyn & Cheryl to grab a cab. All 4 of them squeezed at the back :)
Interacting with them, talking to them, hanging out with them made me think about myself when I was their age. When I attended catechism. Sadly, I don't rem ANYone in my class. I was shy back then; talking to girls was something like a last resort thing and I could never be myself when with them. I wish I were more sociable and outspoken then. Maybe I would have made more frens, maybe I would have been more popular, maybe I would have more female frens, maybe. Then I think about the other ppl in my class, about the quieter ones. The ones who are as shy as, if not more shy than I was back then. I guess that's the reason why i try to include them all the time. I know how they feel? And it's a good thing cos once you've been there you know how it feels and you'll want to make them feel comfortable, that they're important and include them in the things u do. Sometimes, things can get dominated by the more prominent ppl in the class n the rest are left out. I guess tt's why I was shy in the past. Just glad that I'm close to the kids. Gonna make an effort to reach out to the rest. k tired sia~ next week will be intensive research. tt's my promise to myself. here's to 100 years of Mugging - NUS!!!
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Of Tuesdays, emotions, selfishness and songs.
Finally managed to catch Tuesdays with Morrie on Hallmark channell and I must admit it was rather embarrassing. Holding back tears in front of my mum and sis. Even during the first part when my mum asked rather ignorantly:" he's gonna die right?" I burst into tears and half laughing and crying I burst out "yes, yes..." It's a good show lah. I want to read it again but I realised I lent it to someone and the person hasn't returned. The best part is that I can't rem who I lent it to. :(
reading blogs lead me to think...
1. I don't consider myself an MCP. I believe that girls are equal, if not superior to guys in most areas. With the obvious exception of driving of cos. I don't mind opening doors, giving way etc etc to girls without thinking twice. BUT I don't like it when girls take it as a given that it MUST be the way. I don't know about you guys lah but I think it rather hypocritical if girls demand equality and still expect all these things to be done. Doesn't equality mean both genders (notice the use of gender as compared to sex) does not have to be 'served' by the other?
Taking this argument a notch further, is there really equality in the judicial system? Doesn't anyone realise that our legal system is biased against guys, especially in divorce proceedings. I think times have changed and with more women working instead of home-making, these same laws which was legislated to protect them should be revised.
2. I took this part off the comment I left on Surely's blog :p
Many things in life are relative I guess and knowing someone else out there is worse off than you never fails to make most feel better. Don't you realise there's something inherently selfish in that statement? Human nature I guess. I'm guilty of that too. I didnt make this statement to judge anyone ya so don't misunderstand. I just realised it lah. Many a times I feel better knowing that there are others going thru what I am or worse off than me. What do you think?
ANyway, tomolo is St Anne's Food & Funfair...hope it's fun!! I'm helping out in the FrogJump Game Stall.
Leave you guys with a song:
Everything -Lifehouse (Smallville Soundtrack)
Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in, take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
I hope to be able to sing this song and mean what it says, one day. One day.
reading blogs lead me to think...
1. I don't consider myself an MCP. I believe that girls are equal, if not superior to guys in most areas. With the obvious exception of driving of cos. I don't mind opening doors, giving way etc etc to girls without thinking twice. BUT I don't like it when girls take it as a given that it MUST be the way. I don't know about you guys lah but I think it rather hypocritical if girls demand equality and still expect all these things to be done. Doesn't equality mean both genders (notice the use of gender as compared to sex) does not have to be 'served' by the other?
Taking this argument a notch further, is there really equality in the judicial system? Doesn't anyone realise that our legal system is biased against guys, especially in divorce proceedings. I think times have changed and with more women working instead of home-making, these same laws which was legislated to protect them should be revised.
2. I took this part off the comment I left on Surely's blog :p
Many things in life are relative I guess and knowing someone else out there is worse off than you never fails to make most feel better. Don't you realise there's something inherently selfish in that statement? Human nature I guess. I'm guilty of that too. I didnt make this statement to judge anyone ya so don't misunderstand. I just realised it lah. Many a times I feel better knowing that there are others going thru what I am or worse off than me. What do you think?
ANyway, tomolo is St Anne's Food & Funfair...hope it's fun!! I'm helping out in the FrogJump Game Stall.
Leave you guys with a song:
Everything -Lifehouse (Smallville Soundtrack)
Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in, take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
I hope to be able to sing this song and mean what it says, one day. One day.
Frustration / Poem
I feel quite frustrated now. Wanna screw everything but I can't. I'm both hard-hearted and soft-hearted. Hard-hearten enough to feel like screwing it all but bitching about it. But soft-hearted enough to still go on with it and endure. According to the Law of Noncontradiction, I shouldn't exist.
The following poem (though I think it sounds more like a song) was written by my former cat class student...
“Liar,” I scream, “Liar!” again.
The drums began rolling
Now I’m in the game
How I’ve sought injustice;
Now living it well
Thought I’ll die shattered?
Your tongue swells.
You live on your mendacity;
Be afraid, they bite.
Like thunder in a storm,
They’ll haunt you at night.
Be fearful, my dear.
Be petrified.
When your season’s over,
I’ll rise from the vault.
Though I’ve never perished,
Your eyes only feint.
This rapport might betray
This odium never expires.
A song of today's teen. Thanks for letting me put this up G** ;)
The following poem (though I think it sounds more like a song) was written by my former cat class student...
“Liar,” I scream, “Liar!” again.
The drums began rolling
Now I’m in the game
How I’ve sought injustice;
Now living it well
Thought I’ll die shattered?
Your tongue swells.
You live on your mendacity;
Be afraid, they bite.
Like thunder in a storm,
They’ll haunt you at night.
Be fearful, my dear.
Be petrified.
When your season’s over,
I’ll rise from the vault.
Though I’ve never perished,
Your eyes only feint.
This rapport might betray
This odium never expires.
A song of today's teen. Thanks for letting me put this up G** ;)
Monday, July 25, 2005
Hive of activity
It's a been a very busy past few days.
Sat - planning for cat class. It went kinda well. I think it's better when I'm more relaxed and things run more smoothly. mass was at 8pm so decided to head down to King's. watched a lot of Troy first b4 heading down to CarkeQuay and Boat Quay area. Explored this place called Gallery Hotel which is some botique apartment place and discovered a few pubs there. too bad we couldn't explore the swimming pool. it would have been cool. headed down to eski but decided to drink at Hooegarden first. Had a full pint then watched Ian drink a waterfall. spectacular!! then we had a shot of tequila each...sweet. headed down to eski and had a gd time chilling out (pun intended). had supper and a fag with the guys. saw SerP there. Haven't seen her in awhile. Oh well, it's better like this. hung out n chatted a bit (jon n greg we shd do more nights like this) and then took a wonderful bath in the bathtub! I love bathtubs (though this one was a little too small/short for me)!! when I came out, everyone was asleep...n I shared a bed with Jon...how nice! ;)
Sun - woke up with the urge to swim so was grateful that Ian and Jon who initially wanted to sleep more joined us. Barry and I headed for the steambath first, then 15 mins in the Suana and then a dip in the pool! heavenly! after we checked out, I had lunch alone at Raffles City BK then decided to head for the New National Lib. The view from the 14th floor is fantastic man. Checked out the social sci section on L7 and found a few books on social work. Not bad. Sat at this table with the view of suntec, marina area. How to concentrate like that? ;) the lifts offer a great view too...second only to Pan Pacific Hotel's lifts! I skipped the basement though cos it was packed. Hate crowds.
Met CY at abt 3pm and we went to Paulaner Munchen for beer. Went shopping for ahbao's present then ate the famous curry puff. Went to drink beer again and then ate Carl Jr's! It's fantastic man! DEFINITELY the BEST burger I've eaten. Had the super star. It's like the whopper but with TWO beef patties. Of cos, it's damn ex lah...we had to move off so we couldn't get the meal which is 10 bucks (more worth it). My Super Star cost $6.90! But money well spent lah (once in awhile ok lah).
then went back to Paulaner Munchen for the third time. The beer and wine is 1-for-1 from 2pm-8pm sundays n mondays. By the end of the day, I had drank close to 2 litres of beer. It's gd stuff. oh then we were writing ahbao's card n setting up the cake when she found us. What a surprise...for us tt is. heh. but had a gd time drinking n snacking. And once again, Tock, that wonderful guy sent us all home! heh.
I got some good news. News that when I first read about on Sat evening in my dad's car, it brought a broad smile to my face. I thank you God from the very depth of my soul. Thank you for what you have given me and for your affirmation.
Singapore National Employers' Federation Medal (Bronze) 2004-2005
Special Book Prize (Social Work) 2004-2005
I guess this is the pinnacle. Year 4 is starting soon. I will do my best. And all I do, I do it in Your Name. Amen.
Sat - planning for cat class. It went kinda well. I think it's better when I'm more relaxed and things run more smoothly. mass was at 8pm so decided to head down to King's. watched a lot of Troy first b4 heading down to CarkeQuay and Boat Quay area. Explored this place called Gallery Hotel which is some botique apartment place and discovered a few pubs there. too bad we couldn't explore the swimming pool. it would have been cool. headed down to eski but decided to drink at Hooegarden first. Had a full pint then watched Ian drink a waterfall. spectacular!! then we had a shot of tequila each...sweet. headed down to eski and had a gd time chilling out (pun intended). had supper and a fag with the guys. saw SerP there. Haven't seen her in awhile. Oh well, it's better like this. hung out n chatted a bit (jon n greg we shd do more nights like this) and then took a wonderful bath in the bathtub! I love bathtubs (though this one was a little too small/short for me)!! when I came out, everyone was asleep...n I shared a bed with Jon...how nice! ;)
Sun - woke up with the urge to swim so was grateful that Ian and Jon who initially wanted to sleep more joined us. Barry and I headed for the steambath first, then 15 mins in the Suana and then a dip in the pool! heavenly! after we checked out, I had lunch alone at Raffles City BK then decided to head for the New National Lib. The view from the 14th floor is fantastic man. Checked out the social sci section on L7 and found a few books on social work. Not bad. Sat at this table with the view of suntec, marina area. How to concentrate like that? ;) the lifts offer a great view too...second only to Pan Pacific Hotel's lifts! I skipped the basement though cos it was packed. Hate crowds.
Met CY at abt 3pm and we went to Paulaner Munchen for beer. Went shopping for ahbao's present then ate the famous curry puff. Went to drink beer again and then ate Carl Jr's! It's fantastic man! DEFINITELY the BEST burger I've eaten. Had the super star. It's like the whopper but with TWO beef patties. Of cos, it's damn ex lah...we had to move off so we couldn't get the meal which is 10 bucks (more worth it). My Super Star cost $6.90! But money well spent lah (once in awhile ok lah).
then went back to Paulaner Munchen for the third time. The beer and wine is 1-for-1 from 2pm-8pm sundays n mondays. By the end of the day, I had drank close to 2 litres of beer. It's gd stuff. oh then we were writing ahbao's card n setting up the cake when she found us. What a surprise...for us tt is. heh. but had a gd time drinking n snacking. And once again, Tock, that wonderful guy sent us all home! heh.
I got some good news. News that when I first read about on Sat evening in my dad's car, it brought a broad smile to my face. I thank you God from the very depth of my soul. Thank you for what you have given me and for your affirmation.
Singapore National Employers' Federation Medal (Bronze) 2004-2005
Special Book Prize (Social Work) 2004-2005
I guess this is the pinnacle. Year 4 is starting soon. I will do my best. And all I do, I do it in Your Name. Amen.
Friday, July 22, 2005
thoughts.
Been going out quite often these days. Sch too of cos since I have work to do but haven't been doing much. Been hanging out with CY n his fren Francis. Been playing Winning Eleven at the co-op too. Just came back from a 50 buck dinner which was nice. Just chilling out and having a good meal. Looking forward to the German meal in August! :D
thesis, thesis, thesis. suicide is still on my mind but it's gonna be damn hard to get respondents + the ethics board might not approve of it. considering Caregiver burden too, possibly on Alzheimer pts?
Was thinking on 156 jus now...how stereotypes lead to misattribution but it's more a psych topic than a sw one.
something happened the other day that really struck me. how my words which many a times I don't choose wisely, can affect someone so much. sigh. If someone complains of not having any power I'll tell that person off. We all have some power. The power to affect others, both positively and negatively, with our words and actions. I hope there never comes a time when I regret the words that come out of my mouth.
thesis, thesis, thesis. suicide is still on my mind but it's gonna be damn hard to get respondents + the ethics board might not approve of it. considering Caregiver burden too, possibly on Alzheimer pts?
Was thinking on 156 jus now...how stereotypes lead to misattribution but it's more a psych topic than a sw one.
something happened the other day that really struck me. how my words which many a times I don't choose wisely, can affect someone so much. sigh. If someone complains of not having any power I'll tell that person off. We all have some power. The power to affect others, both positively and negatively, with our words and actions. I hope there never comes a time when I regret the words that come out of my mouth.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Iceman? Feelings.
 | You scored as Iceman. Iceman is a very powerful but volitile X-man. His ego and reluctance to follow orders means that he often clashes with Cyclops. Despite being immature sometimes, he's very popular with the ladies and is an extremely powerful X-Man. Powers: Can lower the temperature in areas around him. Basically, he has a near limitless ability to freeze things and make massive amounts of ice.
Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz created with QuizFarm.com |
Here I am again. Sitting in front of my laptop. Listening to my fav song, Collide. Typing away at the laptop. This has become a routine. You know, I guess I like this song so much cos I feel the words it speaks. Or rather it's a wish I have spelt out in a song?
I'm been enjoying myself, spending lots of money and going out with ppl. Something I admit I haven't been doing for a long time. I've been in the AS, stay at home, don't go out mode for a long time now. Glad I snapped out of it. But somehow I feel, at the end of the day, everything's the same. The same emotion I feel. The same emotion since as long as I rem. I wish things were different.
I guess I'm gonna bury myself in work in yr4. I guess the frenships I've made will come undone as the sem, yr passes. Such has been the case a few times already.
I think I thrive on melancholy. It can get you down but it can make life...interesting (?). Maybe it's in my nature. Maybe it's deeply ingrained in myself. But I don't see it as a bad thing. I find it hard to describe exactly what I am feeling now. I just hope God will patch it up.
To better, more productive and most importantly, Happy Days.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Catechism
I feel much better now. I felt lousy just now. I mean I think mass and dinner helped a lot and of cos the company I had. Thank you Ed n Alan. THank you for being my frens and sharing a gd meal and hanging out.
I don't know why but I always get this feeling. More so after confirmation camp when I'm (maybe) a little too chummy with my cat class kids. They sit on your head. It's like Sud and Dion were just talking as if they were in their own world and I didnt exist. Sigh. I like them but this is too much. I know I haven't been spending much time planning lessons but the fact remains that EVERY week I try to come out with something tt is all fun, educational, religious at the same time. So this week it was some crossword puzzle thingy which I kinda treated as a test but it was something different and I'm sure they'll learn at least something from that. But things don't always go as planned. The get to know each other session (which I felt was needed) also didnt go as well as expected. My first outburst at the class. Sigh.
DUring mass, I considered seriously whether I should resign. I choose the word resign instead of quit becos I feel that it's more appropriate. I've given it thought. I'm thinking of stepping down cos I feel that I'm not of much use anymore rather than me feeling sianz and tired. Actually I do feel tired and sianz but I feel it's cos I feel that I'm not doing much.
I'm not gonna quit just like this though. I will at the very least see this batch thru as I did last yr. One step at a time, and hopefully by the end of the yr, I'll know what I shd do.
I don't know why but I always get this feeling. More so after confirmation camp when I'm (maybe) a little too chummy with my cat class kids. They sit on your head. It's like Sud and Dion were just talking as if they were in their own world and I didnt exist. Sigh. I like them but this is too much. I know I haven't been spending much time planning lessons but the fact remains that EVERY week I try to come out with something tt is all fun, educational, religious at the same time. So this week it was some crossword puzzle thingy which I kinda treated as a test but it was something different and I'm sure they'll learn at least something from that. But things don't always go as planned. The get to know each other session (which I felt was needed) also didnt go as well as expected. My first outburst at the class. Sigh.
DUring mass, I considered seriously whether I should resign. I choose the word resign instead of quit becos I feel that it's more appropriate. I've given it thought. I'm thinking of stepping down cos I feel that I'm not of much use anymore rather than me feeling sianz and tired. Actually I do feel tired and sianz but I feel it's cos I feel that I'm not doing much.
I'm not gonna quit just like this though. I will at the very least see this batch thru as I did last yr. One step at a time, and hopefully by the end of the yr, I'll know what I shd do.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Dilemma / NKF
Been thinking about how I am gonna spend the last yr of my academic life. I would like to maximise it and all but I think tt I'm much more likely to end up studying like mad. I guess that's the prob when your cap is on a boundary and doing badly in one sem can kinda bring u down one class of honours. As some of my frens agreed, I'll prob MUG. What a way to go.
Been reading about the NKF saga in the newspaper and I must say that I'm totally disgusted with the CEO. First, he smacks of such pompous arrogance that you can hardly believe he's in charge of an organization that depends on the kindness of public donations. Second, he's a liar as reflected in the things that he mentioned about flying first-class and about how long NKF's reserves can last etc. A manipulator could be a synonym to describe him.
I mean how can an organization that relies on public trust mis-use the funds as such? Can you justify using donations to maintain your damn Merc, give yourself a big fat salary and fly first-class? I think it's ridiculous! There are so many other charities out there that need the funds and here we have NKF using public money for their luxury? GOLD TAP?!? I'm just totally disgusted lah. WTF!
Been reading about the NKF saga in the newspaper and I must say that I'm totally disgusted with the CEO. First, he smacks of such pompous arrogance that you can hardly believe he's in charge of an organization that depends on the kindness of public donations. Second, he's a liar as reflected in the things that he mentioned about flying first-class and about how long NKF's reserves can last etc. A manipulator could be a synonym to describe him.
I mean how can an organization that relies on public trust mis-use the funds as such? Can you justify using donations to maintain your damn Merc, give yourself a big fat salary and fly first-class? I think it's ridiculous! There are so many other charities out there that need the funds and here we have NKF using public money for their luxury? GOLD TAP?!? I'm just totally disgusted lah. WTF!
Monday, July 11, 2005
Changing...judging
there was something about myself that I liked and that was not being easily influenced by what others said. In that sense, I was independent of others' opinions and stuff. It served me well mainly in the area of judging ppl. Even though I learnt tt someone has this reputation for being such and such, I wouldn't allow it to colour my perception of that person. I was always tell myself to give the person the benefit of the doubt and to let my personal experiences with that person determine if he/she's a good person etc.
What I learnt recently is that my opinions of certain ppl have become influenced by what some gd frens of mine said to me. I don't know why but my actions end up being mediated (for lack of a better word) and I end up pre-judging these ppl. Even if these ppl have been frens for some time. Sigh. It's difficult expressing my feeling without being specific. I just want me to be what I was in this aspect. Give others a chance. Don't judge them. Don't do what you don't like others doing.
What I learnt recently is that my opinions of certain ppl have become influenced by what some gd frens of mine said to me. I don't know why but my actions end up being mediated (for lack of a better word) and I end up pre-judging these ppl. Even if these ppl have been frens for some time. Sigh. It's difficult expressing my feeling without being specific. I just want me to be what I was in this aspect. Give others a chance. Don't judge them. Don't do what you don't like others doing.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Friendster Surprise
heyhey...I don't know about you guys but Friendster is about the best voyuering tool ard to check up on someone cute ;) k but right, this guy added me recently and totally stunned me. His name is Nick Netto and he requested me to add him cos he realised we have the same name. The best part is that he's Singaporean too and NOT a relative. heh. wow...
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Sick / Band of Brothers
I'm feeling sick. Had a fever which went up to 39+ on fri when I went to see the doc. Sat was better in the sense the fever subsided but my whole body was aching. Today, things turned for the worse and I have this terrible flu despite taking flu tablets? heh and I can't seem to do anything. Sigh. I hate this helpless feeling. Haven't felt it in a while.
I want to help out for FOC f/u
I want to start thinking/researching for my thesis
I need to rest first
Anyway, I caught the entire series of Band of Brothers and it got me thinking about myself, my army days, the things I did and all. Basically, it was a really touching series lah. I think that I won't be able to cope with what they did. The conditions, the stress, the sacrifices etc. If there's one thing i feel that the army was good at was its ability to reveal one's inner most self. The self that you can't fake cos after fatigue and all the shit that is thrown at you, you just can't put up a mask anymore. As the words used in the book, Airframe said: When the shit hits the fan, you've to perform. I rem the worst week in my NSF life, "hell-week". I rem the shit I put my buddy into. K just to clear the air, I don't purposedly get MCs n stuff but when the shit hits the fan, I don't really perform either. heh. I kinda get emotional n all. heh. oh well...I think that my army frens wouldnt be able to recognise me now. AND i hope that if i were put into the same situation again, I'll handle it differently. I hope.
Anyway, I'm too tired to type anymore. Just wanna say Good Health to all.
I want to help out for FOC f/u
I want to start thinking/researching for my thesis
I need to rest first
Anyway, I caught the entire series of Band of Brothers and it got me thinking about myself, my army days, the things I did and all. Basically, it was a really touching series lah. I think that I won't be able to cope with what they did. The conditions, the stress, the sacrifices etc. If there's one thing i feel that the army was good at was its ability to reveal one's inner most self. The self that you can't fake cos after fatigue and all the shit that is thrown at you, you just can't put up a mask anymore. As the words used in the book, Airframe said: When the shit hits the fan, you've to perform. I rem the worst week in my NSF life, "hell-week". I rem the shit I put my buddy into. K just to clear the air, I don't purposedly get MCs n stuff but when the shit hits the fan, I don't really perform either. heh. I kinda get emotional n all. heh. oh well...I think that my army frens wouldnt be able to recognise me now. AND i hope that if i were put into the same situation again, I'll handle it differently. I hope.
Anyway, I'm too tired to type anymore. Just wanna say Good Health to all.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
My Holiday has ENDED
I had about 1.5 weeks of rest. Well, last week I kinda breezed thru cos I had this surreal feeling - The post-camps (not cramps) withdrawal period (no pun intended). Today, a rude shock awaited - Social Work Honours Briefing: The end of my hols.
Here's my time-table for next sem (excluding one Cross-fac):
SW4101 - Advanced Family-centered Social Work Practice
Tues 9-12noon AS6/0209
SW4102 - Advanced Social Policy and Planning
Fri 4-7pm AS6/0209
SW4103 - Advanced Research and Evaluation
Wed 9-12noon AS6/0209
Man, so far it looks like I was be missing Fri mass!! arg! also notice the fact that I was be taking the 3 mods with the same ppl in the same venue! haha...
k the part that is stressing me out is the Honours Thesis. I just realised that instead of slacking I would have to think about a topic, research on the material, find a sup who's willing to 'adopt' me and finalise everything in a month's time. Man...my heart was racing n pounding with fear and excitment. But the problem is I don't have a topic! Will keep Prof Ngiam's words in mind; I guess I'll have to balance ambition with being realistic.
Anyway, I think I just wasn't psychologically prepared to start work so soon lah. Oh well, yr4 here I come.
Here's my time-table for next sem (excluding one Cross-fac):
SW4101 - Advanced Family-centered Social Work Practice
Tues 9-12noon AS6/0209
SW4102 - Advanced Social Policy and Planning
Fri 4-7pm AS6/0209
SW4103 - Advanced Research and Evaluation
Wed 9-12noon AS6/0209
Man, so far it looks like I was be missing Fri mass!! arg! also notice the fact that I was be taking the 3 mods with the same ppl in the same venue! haha...
k the part that is stressing me out is the Honours Thesis. I just realised that instead of slacking I would have to think about a topic, research on the material, find a sup who's willing to 'adopt' me and finalise everything in a month's time. Man...my heart was racing n pounding with fear and excitment. But the problem is I don't have a topic! Will keep Prof Ngiam's words in mind; I guess I'll have to balance ambition with being realistic.
Anyway, I think I just wasn't psychologically prepared to start work so soon lah. Oh well, yr4 here I come.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Anger
I think that is what really keeps me from getting closer to God.
"I'm not like you Keenan"
This line keeps playing in my head. An incident that happened. The anger manifested itself in words (chinese) and deed. The anger dissipitated almost immediately to be replaced by shame. Acute shame. 6 others saw it, only 2 were not shocked cos they've seen this side of me before. I really hate this side of me and I want to change but don't you realise that it's not that I want to react this way or like it even. I try. I really do. I wish I were more like Keenan.
Supper was good. I like going for supper. More than the food, oftentimes it's the company that really makes the difference. Thank you Wayne for being that company.
I like sitting on the blue bench below my flat. One of the few times that I'm sober sitting there. Thinking. Reflecting. Wondering. Pondering. I like that blue bench. It helps me think clearer when my mind's in a mess. Thank you blue bench.
"I'm not like you Keenan"
This line keeps playing in my head. An incident that happened. The anger manifested itself in words (chinese) and deed. The anger dissipitated almost immediately to be replaced by shame. Acute shame. 6 others saw it, only 2 were not shocked cos they've seen this side of me before. I really hate this side of me and I want to change but don't you realise that it's not that I want to react this way or like it even. I try. I really do. I wish I were more like Keenan.
Supper was good. I like going for supper. More than the food, oftentimes it's the company that really makes the difference. Thank you Wayne for being that company.
I like sitting on the blue bench below my flat. One of the few times that I'm sober sitting there. Thinking. Reflecting. Wondering. Pondering. I like that blue bench. It helps me think clearer when my mind's in a mess. Thank you blue bench.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Food Diary
All patients with eating disorders are encouraged to write in a food diary. This is mine for my binge eating disorder:
Breakfast - Mee Rebus, 1 teh
Had this meal at some Treetop place except that it was the wrong place and we got ripped off RM10 for the can ride. I was cool about it though.
Lunch - KFC Zinger Meal for about RM6?
Snack - Macs Strawberry Milk: Fantastic!! And the best part was the cashier was so friendly! Plus he gave me a 15 sen discount! oh man...
Snack - James got us some Bak Kwa!
All the above food items purchased from Holiday Plaza :)
Snacks - Chicken Nuggest and Pepsi Float from Marry Brown; Crispy Popiah; 2 big Dunkin' Dounghnuts :D [Angsana Plaza]
Dinner [Danga Bay] - Coconut, Nasi Goreng Ayam, Satay, Ramly Burger (beef), Vanilla Coke.
All in all, it has been a great day at JB with the abengs: MarkG, Darryl, Ed, Clemence, Karen, Felicia & James :) Thanks for inviting me and making me feel so comfortable. heh. Maybe now we'll have a KFC session next week? ;) Hope to put up some of the pics we took.
I wanna shop man...anyone wanna go Bangkok? thinking of going there man...heh
Nitez....
Breakfast - Mee Rebus, 1 teh
Had this meal at some Treetop place except that it was the wrong place and we got ripped off RM10 for the can ride. I was cool about it though.
Lunch - KFC Zinger Meal for about RM6?
Snack - Macs Strawberry Milk: Fantastic!! And the best part was the cashier was so friendly! Plus he gave me a 15 sen discount! oh man...
Snack - James got us some Bak Kwa!
All the above food items purchased from Holiday Plaza :)
Snacks - Chicken Nuggest and Pepsi Float from Marry Brown; Crispy Popiah; 2 big Dunkin' Dounghnuts :D [Angsana Plaza]
Dinner [Danga Bay] - Coconut, Nasi Goreng Ayam, Satay, Ramly Burger (beef), Vanilla Coke.
All in all, it has been a great day at JB with the abengs: MarkG, Darryl, Ed, Clemence, Karen, Felicia & James :) Thanks for inviting me and making me feel so comfortable. heh. Maybe now we'll have a KFC session next week? ;) Hope to put up some of the pics we took.
I wanna shop man...anyone wanna go Bangkok? thinking of going there man...heh
Nitez....
Monday, June 20, 2005
CSS FOC '05 & Concamp '05
It's been an exhausting 7 days and I want to share my experiences, the lows and the highs. I just hope that I can rem it all.
Monday: Day started a little later cos I had to go Bras Basar to buy material for the concamp sessions so met Ed there and he being the nice guy that he is, treated me to lunch at Jack's Place. What a way to start the week! Then we had a nice chat and all there before moving up to buy the stuff and then get a cab to sch. Things started off slowly. I was apprehensive as I wasnt sure I was going to enjoy FOC esp since it would be the second yr in a row that I was doing background work and the fear of not feeling the sense of belonging overwhelmed me again. However, as it would turn out, I was needed as a facil and though I wasnt really psyched up or prepared for it I decided to take up the challenge. That night was the worst cos I could not sleep though I was in bed since 2am. Kept tossing and turning around and changed so many positions that I think I kinda outdid the karmasutra but I only managed to fall asleep at 5am. 2 hrs of sleep to start the day the freshies arrived.
Tues, Wed & Thurs: Can't rem much just that had to be thick-skinned and suan the engineers to entertain everyone. Our group was called Tau cos of the Franciscan Tau cross but thanks to me (Secret Agent Yan)...the group name was mis-spelt as Tao...so that I could be called Yan Tao! :p we played lots of games over the days and shared during sessions. I felt that the time bet stations at night games was a little awkward but things got better over the days.
Wanna say a BIG thank you to Jeff, Ed, Alan & Wayne for helping me to cut out the cardboard shapes on wed night for my concamp session. It was a really tedious and time-consuming task. Thank God for sending me these angels :D
What I rem feeling during those few days was the overwhelming burden that was getting heavier and heavier as I found out more bad news, most of which I could do nothing about as I was stuck at NUS. Was getting more and more disheartened. Luckily, God always sends us angels to help us. My wonderful Tau group of [Facils] Hannah, Jacob, Kitty, Justin, [Senior] Mari, Audrey, Alexis, Wayne, [Freshies] Teresa, Cheryl, Albert, Marcus, Lionel & Druce. My wonderful neighbour Jon and all those who dropped by my room, talked to, or even smsed from home (Carol)...really appreciate all of you guys!
Can still rem a bit of thurs: we had the games at West Coast park which was quite fun and hung out at Macs after that. Rem taking the pink ballon for Jacob which he was quite embarrassed about. Hannah eventually used it for Bernard (haha the expression on his face was priceless)! I loved the LOM session. Felt that it was the best session that I've ever attended. It was well prepared, well executed and managed to keep our hearts too. I felt the sharing was also very deep and honest esp coming from the freshies. The acting of Paul, Keenan & Justin was just sublime and tear-jerking. Wonderful job guys; totally awed! Just want to share a little from the passage that I like:
"God beholds you individually whoever you are...He sees you and understands you as He made you...He knows what is in you, all your own perculiar feelings and thoughts, your dispositions and likings, your strength and your weaknesses...He interests Himself in all your anxieties and remembrances, all the rising and fallings of your spirit. You do not love yourself better than He loves you...you cannot shrink from pain more than He dislikes you bearing it; and if He puts it on you, it is as you would put it in yourself, if you are wise, for a greater good afterwards"
- Cardinal John Henry Newman Parochial & Plain Sermons Vol III No. 9
Sorry guys, I kinda shortened it cos I'm too lazy to type but basically it shows how much knows us through and through, loves us and that a greater good will come out of our suffering.
I liked the mini p&w esp the first song "Here I am to worship" which already caused me to tear. Spent some time reflecting before deciding to go for praying over and though Am was one of those praying over me, I decided that it was time to be open and let the spirit work. I'm grateful for all the ppl involved and hope that I will continue in this healing process. Recon was good and I had a gd conversation with this Indo priest whose name I still don't know. :) clean sheet of paper. Anyway, thurs night was horrible. There was so much to do and I had to skip the skit prep with Tau. I walked over to Arts to draw money cos I realised that I had spent all my money! and I needed to pay for camp & return jon. Then from arts I walked over to Fong Seng to buy stuff for my angel & mortal, as well as to attempt to find satay sticks or something else to use for my session. I couldnt find anything suitable. Went back to my room and started work. Wrote warm fuzzies for my 6 freshies & angel + mortal. Then started cutting out the remaining cardboard and then thought about what to plan for the session. I was dead tired and couldnt wake up in time the next day. It was Fri and I had not prep the sessions I was supposed to (at least the second one). I was scared. We couldnt get a cab and I kinda hung up on the telephone operator. Fortunately, Nan was around to save the day and he gave Ed n myself a lift to FMM along Holland Road. I was feeling tired, scared & apprehensive: will things work out right? Ed did the most sensible thing: "Nick shall we pray?" And pray we did. For He gives us strength beyond us.
Session 1 was on Self Awareness and I kinda adopted it from a common CSS activity which I had done 3 times in as many yrs. The kids loved it and it went according to plan. Everyone spent so much more time decorating the outside than on the inside (which was supposed to contain their loved ones, those they value, their principles etc). The look on the faces of all the teens after revealing to them that "it was the inside that mattered, not the outside" really made my day.
Session 2 was on Forgiveness and kudos to Wayne who shared with me the idea. I made this board which had the word Self written on it and pasted onto this styrofoam board. Previously, I had been trying to find darts for the teens to throw at it but in the end I had to make do with a big scissors which actually turned out much better than I had anticipated. I got volunteers to come forward (after some sharing questions) to stab the "self" as hard as they can for a Sin that they rem committing. Up stepped forward a few macho guys who really gave it a go and stabbed through the cardboard. The girls didnt want to be outdone and Maureen stabbed quite a few times too! Then the revelation: I cited a few passages from the bible on how we are many parts of One body in Christ and how all our actions affect those in our community and as I peeled away the "self" layer, I revealed the holes in the community layer and showed then how they have "stabbed" those in the community as well. Eventually I revealed a picture of Jesus in the next layer, also with the many holes on it. "Many times when we sin, we don't see how it impacts others, but it does. And though we don't see it, we hurt Jesus too". Then I went on to talk about confession and how when we go for confession, it's not merely the patching up of holes but rather, it's the receiving of a "clean sheet of paper". We start afresh. Praise be to God. The sessions went well and were quite well received. I really couldnt have done it without Him :)
On a side point, I enjoyed playing soccer with the catechist too. Some of them are really good - Br Robert, Peter & Chris! I think we should form a team soon!
Another thing about the camp is about how close it has brought me to others. My sis is one of them - she would find me whenever she had some problem or needed some help and I like this openness. Some of my classmates - Cheryl & Cherlyn - would find me whenever they see me alone and we would chat. Really got to know them better this camp and even others like Fabiola, Averil, Darry, Sudi, Dion etc. Really love these guys :D
Another session that I enjoyed and felt was good was Ed's "Blocks to Love". The moment Ed started his testimony, I started to tear (thank goodness for the dark room). I was getting emotional and it was all being suppressed. Led my first praying over for my Matthew group that night too and I was kinda glad that the teens were being open. Only one of them didnt want to be prayed over. Anyway, I talked to him in private later and realised the extend to which he was being hurt and the burden of which he was carrying on his shoulder. I really felt like crying then, I felt like holding him close to me and just telling Him that God loves him. I listened to him. I just felt upset and sad that someone had to experience that kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that tears you up on the inside and eats at you. I will pray for him everyday in my life that his prayers are answered. I pray for that stone wall to come crumbling down, and for a heart to melt. I pray for him to experience love, the love that he deserves, that all of us deserve and I pray that God will help him experience the best kind of Love.
Last night was interesting. I became a runner. Someone needed stomach ache medicine, someone needed pink panadol, someone needed to talk, some others needed a quieter place to sleep. I like doing it all for the teens. I don't mind - I love them you see. It was a difficult night: I needed to write notes to those teens in my group, letters to those teens whose parents did not bother doing so, and last but not least to my sis. I took a long time to get started and almost gave up but managed to finish it all by 4am. By which time, almost everyone was asleep.
H.E.L.P. letter Session: We (catechists) were kinda disappointed initially cos some parents had told their children about it and they were spreading it during the camp. But the spirit has His own way of working. Seeing all of my teens (esp my sis) in such a state was really too much for me to take and when I too broke down, it was then that I knew all the sacrifices, the frustrations, the work - it was all worth it.
Last session that I would play a part in - the Sum-up. Dan and I decided to act it out. His part was much more difficult cos he had to be the one 'educating' me. We added in all the points while entertaining the teens with my bhb-ness. :p My sis told me that she enjoyed that session and we hope that it drummed home the message: To Know, Love and Serve Him. It was great working with Dan. Though the whole team had our fair share of disagreements, it worked out in the end cos we all looked to God for guidance. I will end off this entry with what Bridget wrote for me in the bookmark she gave me: And on the 7th Day He gave you rest :)
Monday: Day started a little later cos I had to go Bras Basar to buy material for the concamp sessions so met Ed there and he being the nice guy that he is, treated me to lunch at Jack's Place. What a way to start the week! Then we had a nice chat and all there before moving up to buy the stuff and then get a cab to sch. Things started off slowly. I was apprehensive as I wasnt sure I was going to enjoy FOC esp since it would be the second yr in a row that I was doing background work and the fear of not feeling the sense of belonging overwhelmed me again. However, as it would turn out, I was needed as a facil and though I wasnt really psyched up or prepared for it I decided to take up the challenge. That night was the worst cos I could not sleep though I was in bed since 2am. Kept tossing and turning around and changed so many positions that I think I kinda outdid the karmasutra but I only managed to fall asleep at 5am. 2 hrs of sleep to start the day the freshies arrived.
Tues, Wed & Thurs: Can't rem much just that had to be thick-skinned and suan the engineers to entertain everyone. Our group was called Tau cos of the Franciscan Tau cross but thanks to me (Secret Agent Yan)...the group name was mis-spelt as Tao...so that I could be called Yan Tao! :p we played lots of games over the days and shared during sessions. I felt that the time bet stations at night games was a little awkward but things got better over the days.
Wanna say a BIG thank you to Jeff, Ed, Alan & Wayne for helping me to cut out the cardboard shapes on wed night for my concamp session. It was a really tedious and time-consuming task. Thank God for sending me these angels :D
What I rem feeling during those few days was the overwhelming burden that was getting heavier and heavier as I found out more bad news, most of which I could do nothing about as I was stuck at NUS. Was getting more and more disheartened. Luckily, God always sends us angels to help us. My wonderful Tau group of [Facils] Hannah, Jacob, Kitty, Justin, [Senior] Mari, Audrey, Alexis, Wayne, [Freshies] Teresa, Cheryl, Albert, Marcus, Lionel & Druce. My wonderful neighbour Jon and all those who dropped by my room, talked to, or even smsed from home (Carol)...really appreciate all of you guys!
Can still rem a bit of thurs: we had the games at West Coast park which was quite fun and hung out at Macs after that. Rem taking the pink ballon for Jacob which he was quite embarrassed about. Hannah eventually used it for Bernard (haha the expression on his face was priceless)! I loved the LOM session. Felt that it was the best session that I've ever attended. It was well prepared, well executed and managed to keep our hearts too. I felt the sharing was also very deep and honest esp coming from the freshies. The acting of Paul, Keenan & Justin was just sublime and tear-jerking. Wonderful job guys; totally awed! Just want to share a little from the passage that I like:
"God beholds you individually whoever you are...He sees you and understands you as He made you...He knows what is in you, all your own perculiar feelings and thoughts, your dispositions and likings, your strength and your weaknesses...He interests Himself in all your anxieties and remembrances, all the rising and fallings of your spirit. You do not love yourself better than He loves you...you cannot shrink from pain more than He dislikes you bearing it; and if He puts it on you, it is as you would put it in yourself, if you are wise, for a greater good afterwards"
- Cardinal John Henry Newman Parochial & Plain Sermons Vol III No. 9
Sorry guys, I kinda shortened it cos I'm too lazy to type but basically it shows how much knows us through and through, loves us and that a greater good will come out of our suffering.
I liked the mini p&w esp the first song "Here I am to worship" which already caused me to tear. Spent some time reflecting before deciding to go for praying over and though Am was one of those praying over me, I decided that it was time to be open and let the spirit work. I'm grateful for all the ppl involved and hope that I will continue in this healing process. Recon was good and I had a gd conversation with this Indo priest whose name I still don't know. :) clean sheet of paper. Anyway, thurs night was horrible. There was so much to do and I had to skip the skit prep with Tau. I walked over to Arts to draw money cos I realised that I had spent all my money! and I needed to pay for camp & return jon. Then from arts I walked over to Fong Seng to buy stuff for my angel & mortal, as well as to attempt to find satay sticks or something else to use for my session. I couldnt find anything suitable. Went back to my room and started work. Wrote warm fuzzies for my 6 freshies & angel + mortal. Then started cutting out the remaining cardboard and then thought about what to plan for the session. I was dead tired and couldnt wake up in time the next day. It was Fri and I had not prep the sessions I was supposed to (at least the second one). I was scared. We couldnt get a cab and I kinda hung up on the telephone operator. Fortunately, Nan was around to save the day and he gave Ed n myself a lift to FMM along Holland Road. I was feeling tired, scared & apprehensive: will things work out right? Ed did the most sensible thing: "Nick shall we pray?" And pray we did. For He gives us strength beyond us.
Session 1 was on Self Awareness and I kinda adopted it from a common CSS activity which I had done 3 times in as many yrs. The kids loved it and it went according to plan. Everyone spent so much more time decorating the outside than on the inside (which was supposed to contain their loved ones, those they value, their principles etc). The look on the faces of all the teens after revealing to them that "it was the inside that mattered, not the outside" really made my day.
Session 2 was on Forgiveness and kudos to Wayne who shared with me the idea. I made this board which had the word Self written on it and pasted onto this styrofoam board. Previously, I had been trying to find darts for the teens to throw at it but in the end I had to make do with a big scissors which actually turned out much better than I had anticipated. I got volunteers to come forward (after some sharing questions) to stab the "self" as hard as they can for a Sin that they rem committing. Up stepped forward a few macho guys who really gave it a go and stabbed through the cardboard. The girls didnt want to be outdone and Maureen stabbed quite a few times too! Then the revelation: I cited a few passages from the bible on how we are many parts of One body in Christ and how all our actions affect those in our community and as I peeled away the "self" layer, I revealed the holes in the community layer and showed then how they have "stabbed" those in the community as well. Eventually I revealed a picture of Jesus in the next layer, also with the many holes on it. "Many times when we sin, we don't see how it impacts others, but it does. And though we don't see it, we hurt Jesus too". Then I went on to talk about confession and how when we go for confession, it's not merely the patching up of holes but rather, it's the receiving of a "clean sheet of paper". We start afresh. Praise be to God. The sessions went well and were quite well received. I really couldnt have done it without Him :)
On a side point, I enjoyed playing soccer with the catechist too. Some of them are really good - Br Robert, Peter & Chris! I think we should form a team soon!
Another thing about the camp is about how close it has brought me to others. My sis is one of them - she would find me whenever she had some problem or needed some help and I like this openness. Some of my classmates - Cheryl & Cherlyn - would find me whenever they see me alone and we would chat. Really got to know them better this camp and even others like Fabiola, Averil, Darry, Sudi, Dion etc. Really love these guys :D
Another session that I enjoyed and felt was good was Ed's "Blocks to Love". The moment Ed started his testimony, I started to tear (thank goodness for the dark room). I was getting emotional and it was all being suppressed. Led my first praying over for my Matthew group that night too and I was kinda glad that the teens were being open. Only one of them didnt want to be prayed over. Anyway, I talked to him in private later and realised the extend to which he was being hurt and the burden of which he was carrying on his shoulder. I really felt like crying then, I felt like holding him close to me and just telling Him that God loves him. I listened to him. I just felt upset and sad that someone had to experience that kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that tears you up on the inside and eats at you. I will pray for him everyday in my life that his prayers are answered. I pray for that stone wall to come crumbling down, and for a heart to melt. I pray for him to experience love, the love that he deserves, that all of us deserve and I pray that God will help him experience the best kind of Love.
Last night was interesting. I became a runner. Someone needed stomach ache medicine, someone needed pink panadol, someone needed to talk, some others needed a quieter place to sleep. I like doing it all for the teens. I don't mind - I love them you see. It was a difficult night: I needed to write notes to those teens in my group, letters to those teens whose parents did not bother doing so, and last but not least to my sis. I took a long time to get started and almost gave up but managed to finish it all by 4am. By which time, almost everyone was asleep.
H.E.L.P. letter Session: We (catechists) were kinda disappointed initially cos some parents had told their children about it and they were spreading it during the camp. But the spirit has His own way of working. Seeing all of my teens (esp my sis) in such a state was really too much for me to take and when I too broke down, it was then that I knew all the sacrifices, the frustrations, the work - it was all worth it.
Last session that I would play a part in - the Sum-up. Dan and I decided to act it out. His part was much more difficult cos he had to be the one 'educating' me. We added in all the points while entertaining the teens with my bhb-ness. :p My sis told me that she enjoyed that session and we hope that it drummed home the message: To Know, Love and Serve Him. It was great working with Dan. Though the whole team had our fair share of disagreements, it worked out in the end cos we all looked to God for guidance. I will end off this entry with what Bridget wrote for me in the bookmark she gave me: And on the 7th Day He gave you rest :)
Monday, June 13, 2005
ME
its very heartening to see u happy u know.....cos u're always worried or sian abt stuff.
Those were the words of my fren to me on msn jus now. It just struck me. Not that it's surprising but... Another fren says that if someone didnt know me and read my blog, I would be mistaken for a depressed person. hmmm...
Actually there is truth in that. I don't get happy easily nowadays but I still am a simple person who is contented with little. I find pleasure in small things but I guess when I blog or share stuff with frens, it tends to be the more depressing thoughts? But I am happy and grateful for many things in my life!
For FOC Outreach!!
For my results!!
For my Family, Friends!!
For giving me a chance to serve Him.
There're so many things to do and I can feel the stress lingering but I still have this belief that I will do it. I will accomplish it all. Cos I know that He gives me strength when I do His work.
Anyway, I don't want to be knowns as a dark person who showed little joy. So I guess I should share happy things/times too ya? Will do more of that...for now...FOC 2005 & Confirmation Camp 2005...here I come!
Those were the words of my fren to me on msn jus now. It just struck me. Not that it's surprising but... Another fren says that if someone didnt know me and read my blog, I would be mistaken for a depressed person. hmmm...
Actually there is truth in that. I don't get happy easily nowadays but I still am a simple person who is contented with little. I find pleasure in small things but I guess when I blog or share stuff with frens, it tends to be the more depressing thoughts? But I am happy and grateful for many things in my life!
For FOC Outreach!!
For my results!!
For my Family, Friends!!
For giving me a chance to serve Him.
There're so many things to do and I can feel the stress lingering but I still have this belief that I will do it. I will accomplish it all. Cos I know that He gives me strength when I do His work.
Anyway, I don't want to be knowns as a dark person who showed little joy. So I guess I should share happy things/times too ya? Will do more of that...for now...FOC 2005 & Confirmation Camp 2005...here I come!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
5 ppl you meet in heaven
I have heard of the book b4 but never read it. I watched the movie jus now on Channel 17. A wonderful movie. Been some time since I cried. Here are some lines I like:
"Strangers are only family you've not yet met"
sacrifices: "people only see what they have lost and not what others have gained"
"hatred is a curved sword - you not only hurt others, you hurt yourself"
It's really touching and sad. But the most amazing thing that happened was when during on of the last scenes I started tearing, I turned to check if my dad had seen me tearing but instead I realised that he was tearing as well and I smiled to myself for that was the first time in my life I have seen him tear (or at least the only time I rem). I used to think that my emotional side came from my mum. I'm not too sure now. :p
"Strangers are only family you've not yet met"
sacrifices: "people only see what they have lost and not what others have gained"
"hatred is a curved sword - you not only hurt others, you hurt yourself"
It's really touching and sad. But the most amazing thing that happened was when during on of the last scenes I started tearing, I turned to check if my dad had seen me tearing but instead I realised that he was tearing as well and I smiled to myself for that was the first time in my life I have seen him tear (or at least the only time I rem). I used to think that my emotional side came from my mum. I'm not too sure now. :p
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
the calm before the storm
you know how there is this peace and quiet just before the peak of the storm...like you are at the eye of the tornado or something. That's what I feel right now. There's just so much to do and so little time. In slightly over a week, time is gonna drag by and might even be felt to be inconsequential what I do with it, but for now, for this week till the 19th of June, it's one mad hectic pace.
You know how you start off feeling so passionate and inspired about something only to lose steam and momentum as you stumble towards the finishing line. I guess it best fits my commitment to FOC Publicity and ConCamp. Thankfully, I have the ppl in it to make it easier to bear. I guess for me the outreach experience has taught me independence. I've learnt to rely on myself and do things on my own. More importantly, it has also taught me providence. You only have to do your best and He will provide the rest. So many times we were short of ppl and then God provided like 6-8 ppl when at first there were 2. :) Last but not least, it has taught me never to think that....somehow I don't know how to phrase it...put it into words. It's like you feel lazy and you think that it's ok if you skip the earliest mass (I mean who in hell goes for the earliest mass) but I still go down anyway and I get a name to signup. I guess every little gesture/action counts and if you choose not to do it, I guess you will never really know how it might have affect or influenced others in their own little ways. I guess what I can say about outreach is that I gave it my all, definitely not out of convenience and though I did not hit the personal objective of surpassing MarkG's total signups last yr, I guess I will accept what we have. A BIG THANK YOU to all those who helped make FOC Outreach 2005 such a wonderful success. It would never have been possible w/o every single one of you who so selflessly gave of your time and of yourself. Let's hope most of the signups come for our FOC. :)
On a VERY good note, I was pleased when I realised that I could get back all my old posts in my private blog which had been taken offline some time back as the server for that blog was down. So spent some time reading thru the last few entries (the latest was New Yr's this yr) and felt happy. But now I have a problem. I have two private blogs and I doubt there is a way to combine the two. Man.
Want to end off by thanking God for my results this sem, though it's only 3 mods, I'm VERY VERY grateful for what He has given me. PTL.
And so here we go, a week of activity.
You know how you start off feeling so passionate and inspired about something only to lose steam and momentum as you stumble towards the finishing line. I guess it best fits my commitment to FOC Publicity and ConCamp. Thankfully, I have the ppl in it to make it easier to bear. I guess for me the outreach experience has taught me independence. I've learnt to rely on myself and do things on my own. More importantly, it has also taught me providence. You only have to do your best and He will provide the rest. So many times we were short of ppl and then God provided like 6-8 ppl when at first there were 2. :) Last but not least, it has taught me never to think that....somehow I don't know how to phrase it...put it into words. It's like you feel lazy and you think that it's ok if you skip the earliest mass (I mean who in hell goes for the earliest mass) but I still go down anyway and I get a name to signup. I guess every little gesture/action counts and if you choose not to do it, I guess you will never really know how it might have affect or influenced others in their own little ways. I guess what I can say about outreach is that I gave it my all, definitely not out of convenience and though I did not hit the personal objective of surpassing MarkG's total signups last yr, I guess I will accept what we have. A BIG THANK YOU to all those who helped make FOC Outreach 2005 such a wonderful success. It would never have been possible w/o every single one of you who so selflessly gave of your time and of yourself. Let's hope most of the signups come for our FOC. :)
On a VERY good note, I was pleased when I realised that I could get back all my old posts in my private blog which had been taken offline some time back as the server for that blog was down. So spent some time reading thru the last few entries (the latest was New Yr's this yr) and felt happy. But now I have a problem. I have two private blogs and I doubt there is a way to combine the two. Man.
Want to end off by thanking God for my results this sem, though it's only 3 mods, I'm VERY VERY grateful for what He has given me. PTL.
And so here we go, a week of activity.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Glad (but tired)
Just came back home not too long ago. quite a satisfying day though I'm dead-beat. Had confirmation camp meeting at Raffles Place mrt and it went well, esp since Ed treated us to Kayatoast & Teh~, then we went for lunch and ate Chicken Rice which was damn gd b4 Dan chia~ me teh-c ice blended. heh.
went down to sch but was super early but managed to settle some confirmation camp stuff...many thanks to Alan who stayed back to help me! :)
then went for the social work thank-you dinner thingy. It was nice and small; we had a little buffet thingy and we ate, talked n mingled in the conference room. I really love these ppl man. Kinda reinforces my decision to cross over to the bright side! ;) (sorry psych ppl) I can say for sure the fellowship that we enjoy in the social work dept cannot be found in any other faculty or major in arts.
Anyway, managed to talk to CG who is doing his placement at IMH under my sup. Appears that the situation is damn jialat this time round man n they even had a trashing out session where one girl actually broke down and cried. Tt's the prob with MH n Vin lah...I feel that their intentions are gd and that at the end we learn a lot but the means they use to reach tt ends isn't exactly what I would call ideal. I rem that it took me close to the end of placement before I finally lost it and gave them a piece of my mind. I lasted a few weeks more than them. I hope things get better for them man. I wonder how I managed to get thru those 400 hrs unscathed.
Anyway, the most interesting part of the evening came when Prof Ngiam the Head of the Social Work dept offered to bring us to his country club so that we can play pool. We ended up teaching him how to play and eventually CY n myself won 3-2 againist Prof Ngiam and Far. heh and we didnt give chance ok! you know I love pool lah but I just suck at it and to go with the lack of skill, I have no luck either.
Oh well, really tired now. gonna zzZZ soon...
thank you God for all these. just help me through all my commitments and I will spend more time with You.
went down to sch but was super early but managed to settle some confirmation camp stuff...many thanks to Alan who stayed back to help me! :)
then went for the social work thank-you dinner thingy. It was nice and small; we had a little buffet thingy and we ate, talked n mingled in the conference room. I really love these ppl man. Kinda reinforces my decision to cross over to the bright side! ;) (sorry psych ppl) I can say for sure the fellowship that we enjoy in the social work dept cannot be found in any other faculty or major in arts.
Anyway, managed to talk to CG who is doing his placement at IMH under my sup. Appears that the situation is damn jialat this time round man n they even had a trashing out session where one girl actually broke down and cried. Tt's the prob with MH n Vin lah...I feel that their intentions are gd and that at the end we learn a lot but the means they use to reach tt ends isn't exactly what I would call ideal. I rem that it took me close to the end of placement before I finally lost it and gave them a piece of my mind. I lasted a few weeks more than them. I hope things get better for them man. I wonder how I managed to get thru those 400 hrs unscathed.
Anyway, the most interesting part of the evening came when Prof Ngiam the Head of the Social Work dept offered to bring us to his country club so that we can play pool. We ended up teaching him how to play and eventually CY n myself won 3-2 againist Prof Ngiam and Far. heh and we didnt give chance ok! you know I love pool lah but I just suck at it and to go with the lack of skill, I have no luck either.
Oh well, really tired now. gonna zzZZ soon...
thank you God for all these. just help me through all my commitments and I will spend more time with You.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
The Beach
how apt a post for this blog ya? ;) and no, I'm not talking about the dog.
In the movie, these group of people believe they have found paradise but what lies beneath this immaculate beach with powder-white sand and crystal clear waters is the attempt to sweep any unhappiness under the rug as is evident when Christo who had been attacked by a shark was left alone in the forest to fend for himself. "it was too much for everyone to take" and "out of sight, out of mind" were some of the disturbing lines that encapsulated the facade behind "paradise". Only Essesien (spelling?) even bothered to voice it out but eventually gave in to the group norm. Can a utopia exist on this earth? I doubt it. The peace, tranquility and beauty of people and places are but facades which reveal its true repulsive center only when its interiors are peeled away layer by layer. It's just how long you take to discover it. And when you do, whether you're gonna choose to ignore it to maintain your "utopia" or whether you choose to accept that utopia does not exist. Not in this world at least.
In the movie, these group of people believe they have found paradise but what lies beneath this immaculate beach with powder-white sand and crystal clear waters is the attempt to sweep any unhappiness under the rug as is evident when Christo who had been attacked by a shark was left alone in the forest to fend for himself. "it was too much for everyone to take" and "out of sight, out of mind" were some of the disturbing lines that encapsulated the facade behind "paradise". Only Essesien (spelling?) even bothered to voice it out but eventually gave in to the group norm. Can a utopia exist on this earth? I doubt it. The peace, tranquility and beauty of people and places are but facades which reveal its true repulsive center only when its interiors are peeled away layer by layer. It's just how long you take to discover it. And when you do, whether you're gonna choose to ignore it to maintain your "utopia" or whether you choose to accept that utopia does not exist. Not in this world at least.
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