Bangkok & soon-to-be Egypt

I havent been in the mood to blog. Although life has been beautiful. This week however, things seem to make me feel down, but as always there are ppl to bring me up :D

I liked the Bangkok trip a lot. I don't think I got to buy as much things as I thought I would but then the company was excellent. I also liked learning more about a culture, about the ppl, n just being in another country. I rem something tt struck me quite a bit. Actually it's a comment from Aaron when we came back. He said, "Don't you find it funny going there with 2 couples?" Actually he had a point cos I have never liked being in the midst of couples but I realised that this trip I had successfully mingled! I think it helps who the ppl are and I'm glad all of them were so nice...we looked after each other, which was great. There're a few pics tt I particularly liked but I'm too lazy to post them here...maybe soon...anyway, I realised during the trip that I can be dangerous when I'm alone. Dangerous in the sense that I think too much for my own good. I don't know why but I seem to have an ingrained thinking mechanism that kicks in when I'm alone & can't sleep. The first night wasn't too bad cos I could talk a bit till I sleep. I guess it's also a little like what Brian said about msn...tt sometimes you just wanna logon not to chat, but just to know that there are ppl ard you. Maybe it was the same. It's kinda different sleeping alone la. But it was ok. I mean I have my own room at home so...

I don't know why but I feel sad everytime I listen to the mp3s that I have. Must admit that my collection is limited after my last laptop crashed...so I only managed to d/l a few. All the songs however just make me feel sad when I listen to them. Now is no exception.

Had a social work gathering last night and before that, I had a great time with bao & yat, shopping for Dr Rowlands' present. The whole day was good and it just made me feel happy at the moments, & then (as usu) a little sad as it offically marks the end. The end of this small fellowship of soical work honours students. I guess I don't miss the lecturers cos I'll be back there soon, if things work out ok.

Prep for the egypt trip has been nothing less than hectic and I'm really really broke. In fact, I now have to take a loan, albeit interest-free and probably a loan I do not have to re-pay even if I wanted to. Kudos to Bentoh & Jacq who helped us source for excellent sleeping bags and also accompanied me to buy my windbreaker, track pants & long-sleeve tee. Bentoh has the same taste as me man! Cool! haha...n tt also marks another being comfortable with couples occassion.

Actually there're so many thoughts swarming in my head that I don't want to hear any of it. There's some that're eating into me. Eating away so much I feel that I'm dissolving like an egg shell in hydrochloric acid (rem the sci expt in sec sch??). You know sometimes I really wonder, and I struggle. Sometimes I struggle with my feelings towards myself. Why? why? I rem learning in social geron this sem that one has to differentiate him/herself from their roles. This is impt so that when certain roles are taken away, tt person can still function, won't feel lost. Example is that if a man defines himself through his work, then when he retires, he will feel a loss. And if the loss is extreme, he will not be able to get over it. Sometimes I wonder when I strip away all my roles - son, brother, friend, catechist, social work student, Liverpool fan - then what will be left? The worse part is that sometimes I feel as if when all these are stripped away, I am nothing. I'm just a blur. Just a drop of mediocrity in the vastness of emptiness. haha I guess at times like this, my url name is pretty apt huh?

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to Egypt with somewhat guarded optimism. I will be open and enjoy it. For one, I know the company will be the best I can ask for. Countdown...2 days...

R@LLies

Wow...went for my first r@lly today and must say that though I couldnt hear much, let alone see the speakers, it was heartening to see so many ppl man! To think that some say Singaporeans are apathetic! Hmmm...maybe ppl are just KPO. Anyway, I'm really hoping that r@lly turnouts = votes although this is unlikely to be the case. Anyhow, leaving you guys with two pics and you all compare and contrast.

1. p@p at H0ug@ng


2. wP at H0ug@ng


Fantastic!

The last paper and the in betweens...

I have just one paper left and I just can't get down to starting on it although I'm having less & less time to finish it. It's 60% and closed book so I have to start...arg!

Anyway, some things that have happened in the past few days have irritated me...gonna spell them out here. Hopefully it'll be therapeutic:

1. Got a bloody letter from my army unit stating that I am liaible to be mobilised from 21st April; I got the letter on 25th April. As usual, the army screws up. Apparently, the NUS (so called world class uni) has told them that we have already graduated. Idiots.

2. Egypt bomb blasts: I don't understand these idiots la. They wanna kill foreigners but end up killing 20 of their own people? How stupid can they get? But the thing that irritated me about this is that it puts our grad trip in jeopardy. I hope that all six of us will be able to go for our grad trip, whatever the details are in the end. Think it'll be different if any one of us can't make it. For me, I'm gonna have to convince my mum that it's safe. Of cos, I have to be sure myself as well.

3. CHee S00n jU@n: He's a bloody idiot la. I agree with the ST report which stated that he diminishes the credibility of the opposition. I guess he really has nothing to lose but doesnt he realise that he's turning more people off and def won't be drawing any votes for his party? In fact, the whole fiasco has completely destroyed any hope that SDP has in this elections. Idiot!

4. The tactics of our incumbent powerhouse here in Spore. Despite my respect for most of them, I really despise some of the tactics that they use, especially using upgrading as something to threaten the voters. What I realise is that they will be basically choosing our next batch of leaders la. It's like new ppl enter all the various parties but becos one is in a strong GRC (those not contested, then they're given a 'free ride' into the govt), although those new-comers from the opposition parties may be just as good if not better. I don't like this elite thingy la.

5. Although my constituency will be contested, I will not be able to vote cos I'll be overseas. arg! why did they choose 6th May! hai~ but I will go for the rallies la. Anyway, although the opposition has made their rounds (and I've talked to them), the ruling party seems to be slacking in Sengkang la. Never see or hear from them at all. Maybe they concentrating on Pasir Ris or something. Btw, the boundaries suck la. oh well...enough of complaining.

I just need to study for my last paper man. Somebody Save Me!

Happy Easter!~

Happy Easter!~

Blogger is down so I have to type this out on word first then transfer it later. There’re so many thoughts in my head that I want to get them all down. And since I’m in the mood, which I’m rarely in nowadays, I should pen them down now.

Today was excellent. The morning was spent organizing my readings and lecture notes for social gerontology. Apparently I have 10 seminars to cover and I managed to cover two in the short time I had. Having only two exams really gives you a lot of flexibility in managing your time and squeezing the max out of it. I managed to meet my 2^nd Godson for dinner @swensons at CP. The last time I saw him was actually during Confirmation Day last year. Man, I enjoyed it. It was just basic catching up and though it started off cautiously, I felt him opening up as we went along. I think I learnt more about him during dinner than I had known about him all along. I’ve made a mental note to meet up with both godsons regularly, possible once a month for mass then a meal. Think that’s the least I can do. After dinner, rushed down to St Iggy’s for Ray’s baptism. To be honest, I was quite surprised to hear that Ray was getting baptized, although he had already told me that he was going for RCIA. Anyway, I managed to reach there by 820 (had to take a cab from MacRitchie) and the cab journey was interesting as well. I told the driver that I was late then he asked me why I was going to church at this time. I tried explaining to him what baptism was but my Chinese prevented me from doing a good job. Apparently, baptism in Chinese is something like diao li? Or izzit qing li? Anyway, I managed to share with him about the baptism of my friend and then asked him about his religion. He shared that he used to “bai sheng” but had also gone to his sister’s church before but he felt that there was “too much to learn”. This line kinda struck me quite a bit. I realized that for many elderly, less educated people, the bible may be a tad bit too confusing. I guess that’s why quite a few elderly people prefer to go for Novena and stuff whereby they can participate and partake in God’s presense without really having to read or decipher scripture. Anyway, he ended off with a very funny question – “ Can I drive into the church?” haha…I was quite amused but told him that he was most welcome to! I told him about Holy Cross (which was closest to his place) and asked to go there to experience mass if he wanted. I think it’s amazing! Especially since our conversation was in Mandarin! I always have interesting cab rides :)

When I entered the church hall, it was pitch black but then nat et al. spotted me and I joined them. I must say that the church is really nice. Plus, it was my first easter vigil (believe it or not). I enjoyed it although I felt that it was really too long. When it was Ray’s turn to be baptized, I just felt this sense of joy inside me. I guess it’s cos he has journeyed through in CSS without really expressing the desire to become Catholic. And things didn’t exactly go very smoothly after he graduated but God sure has His ways of calling people doesn’t He? :) I think that it was really wonderful to welcome these people into the Catholic church on, in my opinion, the most important day in the liturgical calendar – Easter! Really glad for all those who were baptized and confirmed today! Something else warrants special mention though it is of much less importance. Thanks to some good friends, one girl now thinks that I tried to hit on her or something because Ray actually asked her if I mind taking a picture with her! Heh. Oh well, too bad for her I chickened out in the end! ;)

Supper at Al-Ameen was good and I really how good the-tarik tasted once again! :) Thank you Val, Nat, Alph, Pearl, Markli for the great company & Mark for the life back home too! I hope we continue to have such things even after we graduate.

Looking back on the week, Wed also deserves mention. First, it was the last class of my NUS life as an undergraduate. It went well, with Dr Mehta showing us “Dad” by Jack Lemon. It’s a really wonderful show that left me in tears. I don’t know why but the end of this class just seemed so normal that it left me feeling a little nostalgic. I don’t know. Maybe I expected more, like saying of goodbyes or like, well I don’t know, people to stay behind and chat a little more? It ended just like that with people just leaving as if they still had the rest of their NUS lives of lessons, lectures, tutorials, seminars to attend. Of course I’m not pinning fault or find it wrong but it just felt so normal that if I had not consciously realized that it was the last lesson, I might not have even noticed the difference. I guess it is fitting that I started my social work ‘life’ with Dr Mehta and now I’m ending it with her. I will miss all the friends that I’ve made throughout these 4 years. I will miss you guys.

We went over to Magicmark’s place to bake hot cross buns after class. Did I mention that his house is a dream? It’s fantastic la! Complete with basement home entertainment center, a nice pond, basketball post, nice paintings and magic cards on walls. Heh. I really had fun with all the people there learning how to bake hotcross buns! I think the making of the dough was really very very tough but I enjoyed it. The satisfaction of seeing it transform cannot be matched I tell you. Plus it was fun la, all of us taking turns to try the different roles. Too bad I couldn’t stay cos of my presentation the next morning. Anyway, reflecting on this past semester, I guess I’ve achieved my aim of getting to know more people and spending time on people as well as work. In fact, I feel that I’ve gotten to know the year1s better, especially Moses, Magic & Ade. They’re really nice people and I like them. :) Plus, I’ve watched more movies this semester than I’ve in year 2&3 combined! I really thank God for this! And work seems to be ok also. Well, at least for now la, cos I’m quite scared of social geron, but there doesn’t seem to be any motivation to study. Oh well, we all have to fight our demons!

I will end off here....

*written 16th April, 2006, 3:02am*

Packed Sat...

It's been good since my thesis was handed up, although the social geron paper did give me some trouble. But somehow I managed to finish it (quality not that though). So now I'm left with 2 exams and then I'm officially a graduate :)

Yest had been a packed day full of non-academic related activities. Started the morn off at ApEx H@rm0ny lodge which is basically a home for dementia patients. The place is super nice and the atmosphere is very relaxed. I think one of the reasons for this could be due to patients wearing their own clothes instead of having standard drab-looking pyjamas. Also, the style of the home really looks like a resort. Even the physio-room is kinda outdoors. Very nice place. But of cos as usu, I wasn't very comfortable with interacting with the folks and kept it to a smile and 'hi'. We sang some songs but I guess our lack of prep kinda showed la. I think we should have put in more effort for it. Oh well...anyway we had lunch at k0mala villa @east coast. The food there is good man and I learnt quite a bit from my lecturer who treated us. She's so sweet!

Chris came to pick me up after that and we went to get the bread and 'wine' for our combined class. Chris really puts in a lot of effort for our lessons. I was so amazed with that break...it looked so 'authentic' plus it was in baskets man. Super impressed. And it tasted great too! Lesson went well although I was feeling a little irritable. Went ok la I think. Hope the kids found it meaningful.

Dinner at hollandV to celebrate draggie's bday was good. haha although the attempted 'prank' wasn't THAT a good idea. But oh well. Then rushed back to church for lentern vigil. Never attended one before so didn't know what to expect. Was already tired so felt apprehensive about whether I could last throughout. I have NEVER ever knelt on my knees for such a long time before in my life. The songs were good though it got tiring after awhile. I liked Fr Henry's session the best though I just realised that it has left me with blisters on my knee! He got us to knee and make our way on our knees, from the back of the church to the altar and then lift up the sufferings of either ourself or that of a person to Christ. It was more painful then I had expected but recalling the scenes from the Passion of Christ, I realised that this was nothing compared to the excruciating pain that our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ had to endure just to save us from our sins. I can never imagine myself going through so much to save so many who don't ever deserve His mercy. Doesn't seem like a fair exchange but that's unconditional love for you. Anyway, I slept through the entire homily during morning mass though it was quite short. Had breakfast b4 heading back home and sleeping till 4pm. Unfornately, I now have the flu. Sigh. Oh well...it was worth it la, going through all the stuff on Sat. Given a choice, I would do it all again :)

Soccer

Watched the Chelsea match jus now and I realised why they deserve to be Champions. Worthy of mention are Drogba & Geremi who I felt were exceptional. It's when the team is in crisis that you see the true strength of the player and Drogba (who for the record I don't think is a 'world-class' striker) carried the team and they came from 1-0 down, with 10 men, to trash West Ham 4-1. Much more pale in comparison, a rather limp Pool managed to scrap a 1-0 victory over Bolton. Obviously, both teams were not playing up to their usual high standards. You can really tell that Pool derserves no better than 3rd in the league. At current form, even the Gunners deserve 3rd place. Ok...going to see the manyoo-gunners match now...have a blessed Holy Week ahead.

Thesis

My thesis is complete! Also, I rem a joke that Dr Deng told us in a GEK mod that I took. Found it hilarious but as usually I caution that I'm not a good storyteller. Enjoy...


There was once this rabbit who lived in this hole. One fine day, he decided to come out to enjoy the warm sunny weather and as he busked in the sun, he did not notice a fox had sneaked up behind him and caught hold of him! Just as the fox was about to eat the rabbit, the rabbit stopped it and told it to give him a few more days cos he was finishing up his thesis on the "Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves". The fox could not hide its bemusement and the rabbit invited the fox to go into its hole to take a look if he didnt believe it. The fox went into the hole and never appeared again.
A few days later when the rabbit came out to busk in the warm glow of sunshine, a wolf sneaked behind him and caught him again! The rabbit, as he had done before, told the wolf to give him a few more days cos he was finishing up his thesis on the "Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves". The wolf laughed so hard that he almost lost grip of the rabbit. The rabbit once again invited the wolf to go into its hole to view the thesis if he didnt believe him. The wolf went into the hole and was never seen of again.
After this rabbit had completed his thesis, he had a hugh celebration and invited many of his rabbit frens. When they asked about his thesis topic, the rabbit beemed with pride and said that his topic was on the "Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves". All the rabbits were amazed and asked to see the thesis. All of them scurried into the rabbit's postgrad room in the hole in which he lived and the sight they saw was typical of any such room - a large table in the center, paper shrewn all over the place and academic journals lining the shelves at the side. On the right of the table was a pile of fox bones and on the left was a pile of wolf bones. In the center of the table sat a big fat well-fed lion who was the rabbit's supervisor.

Moral of the story? To write a good thesis, the title doesnt matter, the subject matter is inconsequent and your hypothesis need not be logical. All you need is an influential and satisfied supervisor.

Hibernating...

Hi all,

I'll be hibernating now. Seeya all on the 31st of March! Requesting lots of prayers. God bless one n all.

Oh if you guys are free, help me do my johari & nohari window. Esp the nohari (don't have to leave a name) :)

*thesis red-alert*

Sigh. I had the worst supervision session thus far since I started work on my thesis. And about 3 weeks away from the submission, I'm suddenly told that the chapter I just handed up is a 'B-' standard. Fuck. That's 3 grades below what I need to get. Suddenly I'm brought back to my SW1101 days when I got a B- for my term paper. Is the end gonna be like the beginning? Sigh. I was almost in tears man. I was under the delusion that everything's fine. I will be ok. No problem. But I really thank God for my sup la, otherwise I'll still be in lala land. At least now I know. Suddenly I don't feel good anymore. I feel as if I can't write the damn thesis - something I've wanted to do since yr1. And after three chapters, I feel as if I can't go on. Well, I can actually, but it won't be quality work. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. I don't know what to do. Everything hinges on this academic exercise. Sigh. Too much hinges on this. Too much.

1st disappointment of 2006

Hit the first hitch today, rather unexpectedly because I was only expecting a reply in April. Was grateful that NGT was the one who delivered it to me. I guess it was too good to be true to begin with and what a dream it would have been if it had come true. But alas, wake up and smell the coffee. Stupid "minis-tree". Oh well, when one door slams in your face, another will open. But the disappointment still creeps in and I will recover from this.

I will.

Linger....

Listening to the song, I can't help but think some verses are what I feel...though not true, it's true somewhat:

But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

You know one of my previous blogs that mentioned how hard it was to get out of a low but how hard it was to maintain a high? Well, I feel myself making the downward spiral of the sine curve after it hit its peak (+1 I think)...but I'm gonna try to stop the slide. I don't want to go back anywhere near where I was in early yr3. So yest night when I prayed, I counted my blessing (literally) and counted 10 -

1. Sister Marianna forcing me to donate but me getting a plaque with a verse I like.
2. For the confirmation camp meeting that went rather well.
3. For the company of Alan, Ed & Chris during lunch.
4. For the food & fellowship that we shared.
5. For Chris' sharing with me on how he was going through the same thing with his class.
6. For Ade's blog post comment.
7. For the ppl on msn whom I had a chat with during the WHOLE day.
8. For my sis' egg-mayo.
9. For all those on msn who asked me how I was and/or promised to pray for me.
10. God giving me a rather peaceful ending to the day so my mind didn't need to think.
(not all these were the original 10 which reinforces my belief that we've so much to be thankful for)

I don't know if I can keep this up cos I realise that when you're down, the conceptual lens you view life takes a drastic filter that blocks out the good. Maybe I should keep up this counting of blessings every night and thank God for them in prayer.

Anyway, about the first point right, the plaque I got went something like this: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I still rem the very first time it touched me. I was at Novena with some of my CG ppl in year 1. It was read out during the Gospel Acclaimation. It struck me becos so many times I try to rationalise or intellectualise everything that I read. I've realise over the years that you can't read with just your mind alone, you need to understand things with your heart as well. And most times, you have to Trust in the Lord our God. That's something I hope to rem. As I go through the next few days, I pray that I will let go of this latest struggle and I trust that God will help me through it through all the wonderful people ard me. God bless you.

SS - Sianz Saturday

The past week has been rather interesting. Not as good as the previous or the past few. On the work front, things have been slow but that's the least of my concerns. My mind has been on overdrive again and I think it's not good. My heart is restless which again spells disaster. Worst to cap off, today's Catechism class sucked to the core. Didn't enjoy, in fact hated it and I even thought of quiting. Last night seemed like the anomaly. Had dinner then supper with four others and it was good talking about religion, post-modernism, issues, masks, etc. Really enjoyed my company. I think it's during such sessions that i'm truely myself.

About cat class, I feel tired man. This class is really NOT worth putting in so much effort. Or am I trying too hard? Last year, when I put in effort, the reaction I got spurred me to double it up with more creativity. This year, it seems as if my energy is being leeched on, sucked dry. Man, I can't believe I actually feel this way. Think Kel was super irritated also. Only Carol seemed to be unaffected. Oh well, life goes on. I've decided not to quit (tt's not the way to go) but I will make use of the coming 3 week 'break' from class to reflect and reconsider my role in this ministry.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have a feeling that my reaction in class today might have had been influenced by my emotional state of mind before class. It's never good when you bring baggage in, but then it can't be helped. I prayed, more than I have in weeks, but to no avail. I'll have to carry this for now. I pray for support.

Be Still and know that I am God

That's what I need from God now. Not now. Pls God, not now! It's the final lap and I really need to channel all resources to this race. You know you just can't explain this kinda things. And so fast somemore. I don't know la.

I was thinking about how easy it is to stay in a low but how difficult it is to sustain a high. I hope I don't drop from this high. I haven't been this happy in consecutive fashion for as long as I rem.

Lord, I pray for all those who are hurt in some way, who feel pain. I beseech you to heal these people if it is Your will and to always let them feel your Love. Amen.

Novena -James Swearingen

I watched Brokeback Mountain yest and had a good conversation with Reggie over dinner about it. Wanted to blog about it initially but then I didn't felt like it in the end. Plus the fact that I bumped into lulu balls on the train home. He's my band junior who's really so bubbly that he filled up our time on the train with anedoctes about his life and all. What he did (which he didn't realise) is to make me reminisence about my sec sch Band days. So much so, that I went to find those songs that I really enjoyed playing back then. Of cos, being one of those guys who loved to show off on the drums (despite not being tt good), my top 3 drumset songs would be: Abba Gold, Beatles Forever and Big Fun in the Sun. Esp love the last one cos it's just SO full of drums! However, I realised that a lot of the songs I liked weren't drumset pieces as well, and my pick of the lot is Novena by James Swearingen. I know this sounds damn silly to most of u but it's my first solo, and it was just the Chimes that I played. Super simple. I guess in a way that song showed my progession in the band as well, from Chimes to mallets to Timpani which is what I kinda ended up with (esp SYF competition '97). There's another song I liked - Where the River Flows - which I rem my conductor, Lin Ah Leck, read out the whole story behind the song and I was just so taken in that when I played the song, I actually felt it. The percussion parts are also very dynamic. I wonder whether I will ever hear tt song again. I also wonder about our instructor whom we gave a really hard time but he's a great instructor. When he took over, we were a bronze band, the next competition we got a silver (of cos I cried!) and then my bro's batch managed to get a gold. I think ah lin really worked his balls off to get us bunch of ill-disciplined slackers to work on our skills n all. Also found out that two of my band juniors have kinda turned pro. Not that it's unexpected cos they had the talent since then. One of them I rem more clearly cos his dad actually called me up to scold me cos "my son has talent! he should be playing the drums! Why are you wasting his time?" Oh well, I guess the answer to that is "I'm the senior and I want to play the FREAKING drums!" Thanks to lulu balls for reminding me about it. heh.

So here ending off with my fav song for the moment...Novena...

(there's no lyrics you dumbo!)

Sports News

Liverpool 1 - 0 Manchester United

I've been waiting for revenge since the league match in which Manyoo undeservedly won 1-0 thanks to a last minute goal by Rio. Unlike Fergie who wasn't gracious in defeat, I insist that pool def deserved to win. Some would argue that Manyoo was having an off day; I don't deny that. But I also feel that the pool midfield closed in on the players and in fact caused them to be ineffective. A well deserved victory nonetheless.

On a sorry note however, Alan Smith (whom I still hate actually) left the field in the last few mintues with a horrendous injury - a broken leg and a dislocated ankle. Even I could not bare to see the pain etched across his face. I really wish him a speedy recovery and that he will come back and play his fiery game once more. Best wishes.

I watched the NBA all-star weekend and was kinda disappointed with the Slamdunk competition. I think that the organizers made a mistake by allowing the competitors to keep trying their dunk without penalty. I think it really took out the excitement in it and when Nate, the crowd fav petite 5' 9'' star won, I felt a great injustice. I guess the decision was biased, or rather relative. I mean, I don't think the other guy who worse, it's just that taking into account Nate's height, what he did was an acheivement. In this case, isn't it becos of his heigh that he won. I mean no disrespect, he's an excellent player and all but then just becos of his perceived disadvantage, he was relatively better than the other, although their skill level is the same. I guess that's how the world works - we're all amazed, estonished with extraordinary acts that defy the limitations that are set on the human. Arg...oh well...think I'm thinking too much....arg! I'm meta-thinking again! k la, enough for now...

Life so far...

It's been ages since I blog...and I guess that either 1. I'm been too busy or 2. even when i'm free, there's no mood to blog. Oh well, here's the feeling back again (for now).

The past two days have been good. Had a presentation yesterday and it went ok. Had a bit of fun in the process as well. CY and myself had to dress as shooters in a school massacre, so we wore sunglasses and a ski mask or army jockey cap...in the end the class laughed more than felt fear but thanks to a few onz ones like Eph & Mingfel, the whole class went on the floor, including our lecturer (feeling a little guilty about that). But we really wanted to re-create the atmosphere...and in the end the whole presenation went fine. CY, Ahbao, JT and myself went to celebrate at Kenny Rogers in the end. Man, they managed to psycho me to get two "Kenny's quarters" instead of the "Kenny's half" so we ended up with a total of half a chicken each and a total of 14 side dishes! Oh man, boy couldn't we finish! We even ended up eating Ben & Jerrys after that. Managed to get a present for my sis so that was good...thank goodness for ahbao's sharpeye... :) Today wasn't too bad either, managed to catch Match Point. I think it was quite good, though not something I would call fantastic but at least it had a storyline and I like the bit about how "there are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck, it goes forward and you win…or maybe it doesn’t, and you lose”...but then "sometimes when you lose, you win". I guess I was reading a lot deeper, also not intended by Woody Allen, that in life, sometimes you feel that you've been dealt with a shitty situation and have lost, but then it ends up a blessing as something better happens, another opportunity strikes. I guess my interpretation is partly due to the better mood that I am in these few days.

The past week in particular has been good and though there is work to do and all, I seem more relaxed. Even my whole project group seemed rather calm for our presentation and I wasn't the only one who noticed it. I've been pretty happy talking to some ppl on msn as well. Some of whom I seldom, almost never have conversations with, others I see ard but got to know a little better :) My life has been rather packed with concamp stuff starting, cat class going full swing, then the presentation tt just passed, the thesis that I have to finish up by end-Feb, and two major essays which I have yet to get started. Oh well, one step at a time, just keep walking! I hope to really go full swing with thesis stuff and hopefully *cross fingers* will be able to squeeze in Brokeback Mountain and maybe Constant Gardener. Do tell me if you're interesting in catching them. :) For now, have a good week! For me, my term break has started! For the others, hang in there, you'll get it too! :D God bless...

2005

I haven't been in the mood to blog for quite some time now but I guess I should do a reflection of 2005. When I think back to 2005, it just seems like a blur. I mean, I can't really pinpoint any particular thing that was striking and that stood out. I don't know man.

I guess the most memorable week has to be that week in June where I started it off with lunch with Ed at Jack's Place, Bras Basah. I needed to buy material for confirmation camp, so we headed there. We had a wonderful meal, courtesy of Ed of cos, and then set out for NUS, Eusoff Hall. I was just supposed to be helping out with background stuff cos I was in Pub Comm, but then they needed a facil last min and so I agreed to take on this task. Not that I minded of cos, cos it was more fun & stuff and you get to know freshies. I don't think I did a fantastic job as a facil but it was alright. The hard part was actually juggling the roles of a facil & preparing for my sessions for concamp. Really need to thank Ed, Alan & Wayne for helping me to cut out those cardboard boxes for my sessions. It was really stressful on Fri, having had a late night trying to write warm fuzzies and buy stuff, and trying to rush to FMM on time. As always, God sends us ppl to help us and when we couldnt get a cab, Keenan was there to give us a lift. I don't think he knew how much it meant to me - I was just so stressed already and I was going to do the first 2 sessions on Fri! Things went well, perfect in fact (ok, some exaggeration here). The 2 sessions were rather well received and I would like to think, touched some of them in one way or another. Especially the second one. It reminds me of how things don't turn out according to plan (cos I couldnt get darts) but proved to be better than planned :) I think the camp went very well, and it's through this camp that I bonded with a lot of the youth, and a lot of the youth actually felt God. He was real to them. Everything culminated in the H.E.L.P. session when I just broke down and I knew, I just knew it was all worth it. The efforts, the stress, the time spent planning, cutting, whatever, it was all worth it. I guess this would be the most memorable week, not to mention tiring week of 2005.

In terms of academia, I would say that it was perfect la. Of cos I felt the stress, had the doubts, but it still worked out well. Praise our God, who gives us more than we deserve! Now everything hinges on my thesis and my performance in my last sem. Give me the strength Lord! Give me perseverance!

Athough my lousy memory doesnt permit me to rem other events, I can say that 2005 has been special to me becos of the people in my life. I went through quite a bad patch in the early part of the year but as always it's the people around me that pull me through it. I hope I don't have to go through such a patch again. But I guess I will. These people kept me going and I really love all of you guys ya. Some of whom, we're not really in touch becos you guys have graduated, either from sch or from cat class. Most of you I still see in sch. My only hope is that we'll remain in touch for I know it gets real tough when we grad. My only hope is that the frenship will remain. If not, I'll just cherish the memories. And, thank you for them.

Past Few Days

I liked the past few days. Truth be told, Xmas isn't very christmassy for me. It doesn't hold the special significance it did a few years back. I would love to blame it on commericalism but is it the only reason? I don't know. Anyway, the real birthday of our Saviour is somewhere in Jan/Feb, NOT december But I don't think that matters lah. Was quite shocked when I first found out while doing some research for my Heavenly Maths project on the Star of Bethlehem. Apparently the date for Christmas today is actually some pagan festival for a 'sun god'. How ironic.

Anyway, Xmas was simple enough. The day of fun for me was on the 23rd of Dec. Finally had our class outing and though they were only 7 of us, I had great fun. You know, there's always something about East Coast that I love and I really hope their new masterplan don't screw things up. Less is more.
Anyway, we met early on Fri and had breakfast with Darry first. Got some stuff from Cold Storage and met the rest. Thanks to Darry, I now know a much faster and cheaper way to get to ECP on weekdays. heh!
The greatest acheivement for the day was teaching Cher how to cycle although most of the credit has to go to Charles lah cos his 'push & let her fall' method was much more effective than mine 'hold on to the bike & not let her fall' technique. heh. You see, I told you guys I can't let go one :p
Anyway, the entertaining part was Bern & Cher and their lack of control la. My fav was Bern who bladed down a slope and had to grab a sign to stop but...the sign dropped. muhahaha. Anyway, both of them were fine. Only thing was we had to cycle/blade in the rain, which was in fact fun! heh...really enjoyed myself. I should go ECP more often man.

Anyway, I came back with lots of presents & stuff and was really surprised to get a Dockers wallet too man. I hope that didn't cost you a bomb ya gal :D oh and I got this new latest Hesheys choc which is shaped like potato chips...damn cool & really tasty man! Think it will only come to Spore some time later...

I hope we'll keep in touch. It's the year after graduation that really tests whether the frenship will last.

My Xmas Break

Finally, I'm going to take a break! After spending most of the hols busy with thesis interviews, I'm going to take a break till Xmas, at least!

The past few days have been good. Went to Villa Bali yest with Kes, Mark, Ian, Val, Charkwa, & Angie. Really like the place a lot. Very cosy, the drinks ain't that ex (unless you order a lot like we did :) I think I will go back there again some time. Problem is, I don't know whether I will have the time to do so. Have some people to meet up with some ppl b4 sch starts again. Next sem will determine what I graduate with from NUS. God has been very generous in terms of my grades and this sem was no exception. I really thank You for it. So that also means that sem I'll have to fight it out, ESP for my thesis. THAT is gonna be damn important.

Glad that I've been able to juggle social life & work for past few days. Hope to carry on doing that, even this coming sem because, man, it's gonna be the last! Very tempted to enjoy the rest of the hols then slog through the sem...dunno man...oh well see how it goes lah.

Thanks to all those who made my birthday special. Your smses & company are really presents in themselves. Thank you!

Cast Away - a lesson on commitment?

I watched Cast Away again jus now one tv. I just love Tom Hanks lah...think he's one of the best actors around...plus he doesnt come packaged with the arrogance that such esteemed actors usually possess. Anyway, the thing that struck me was the ending lah when Tom Hanks and Helen Hunt declared their love for each other, kissed, got into the car, only for both to realise that there is something more importance than their love - commitment.
I think that is something much lacking in our society today. I mean so much is being said about how the self should be valued above everything else. I shall not go so far as to blame those freaking feminists and post-modernist for stirring this shit but ya...I think it promotes individualism. I see this as the reason why people think of themselves, their freaking emotions above everything else. I guess this is why there're so many divorces these days. I mean if everyone makes decisions based on their individual needs, feelings, etc. then what can we expect?
I don't know. I always see myself as someone who is committed to a cause. And once I commit myself to a cause, be it a project, a girl, or whatever else, I make sure I see it to the end. Basically, my focus in this blog is the girl lah. the project shit is just to distract. I have always seen myself as a guy who once together with a girl, will NEVER betray her trust. But the problem with such assumptions is that you will never really know until you've been in that situation and come out tops. I mean I can always say that when I see a kid about to get banged by a car, I will run and push him/her out of danger just in time but knows? Maybe when the crunch time comes, I'll be rooted to the spot, peeing in my pants, and live the rest of my life hanging my head down low and full of regret and shame. My point being - you'll never really know won't you? Oh well, till that time comes, I'll just assume that I'll be the committed guy who won't betray the girl. Anyway, I got other things to worry about like my character.

It's quite weird lah. I have been wanting to do something since exam time but I procrastinated and then guess what? When I thought about it again...it happened without me doing anything! It kinda got me excited but then I think when such things happen, my stupid mind tends to make a molehill out of nothing (I intentionally used this adapted version of the idiom fyi) and I kinda started thinking lah. SIgh. I sure hate thinking but I sure can't help it! Anyway, hope to take it slow and see how it goes lah.

I have completed two interviews. I almost teared in the 2nd one. I'm learning but I feel drained too cos of the processing of the interview. Sigh. Another one tomorrow, then it's almost consecutive on tues, wed, thurs, then Sat again. Oh well, the faster the better, I guess.

I lack a social life. You know how you make plans during exam time but then screw everything up thereafter? Kinda sad cos I think I will be missing the retreat cos of the interviews. Might not be going for Mambo either. Then, oh well...thinking of giving Xmas Bash a miss though I'll feel bad lah. Will see how it goes lah. At least I'm spending time with my family.

I miss the songs on my old laptop but unless I get the special adaptor to plug into the Hard Disk, I doubt I will be seeing them for quite some time...oh well...
I miss Collide by Howie Day (I will forever associate it with Jon)
and Everything by Lifehouse...

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
'cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything

I'm just thinking of you now.

Research begins...busy in church...

I start my first thesis research interview tomorrow and I'm feeling kinda apprehensive. It's something I've been waiting to do since yr1/2 cos a thesis is something I always wanted to do since coming into NUS. Oh well...hope it goes well though.

Been busy with church stuff these 2 weeks...not really everyday but still it's kinda on my mind...another meeting tomorrow...hope it goes well...

Was in the car just now and one of my fav songs played...it reminds me of my yr1 sem1 days sitting in 'Hell' with xiaobai n having a fag. I think it was so much more laid back then...I think after yr1 I stopped hanging out so much...k maybe stopped only in yr3...can't rem...anyway...here's one of my fav songs...just so love his low voice...

Wherever You Will Go - The Calling

So lately, I've been wonderin
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

[Chorus]

Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

[Chorus]

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go