Perth Trip

Hi all,

I'm back! And the 1st thing I noticed is the humidity! Sucks! Anyway, the trip was a welcomed break from work as well as certain things that have been bugging me. I'm really blessed in that somehow I was able to put everything aside and just enjoy the trip! And things went rather well, as in I didn't really have to worry about safety of my mum & sis and also about what to do and whether we had enough money to spend! Below are bits of my trip and as far as possible, I'll exclude pics with my mum & sis, cos (esp sis) they will kill me if they find out I posted their pics on the net!

We took an early morning flight to Perth which left about 115am; was kinda worried cos didn't know if my mum could take the flight but everything went well. Managed to catch The Illusionist (I initially mistook it for The Prestige) and must say that it's pretty good and captivating; Edward Norton's such a good actor! Touched down early on Sunday morning in Perth but it took a while to clear customs cos it was freaking crowded! Must say that immigrations Down Under is super strict cos we had to declare carrying food with us though it's just prrserved sour plums! So troublesome but everyone was friendly and we were out in no time! We took a cab to Mercue Hotel in Perth CBD and were dismayed to find that we could not check-in early. Hence, we left our luggage with them and headed down to Fremantle - a port town south of Perth CBD. We managed to walk to the train station where we got tics and took the train (similar to MRT) down. One thing about my mum is that she will compare everything to Singapore and to help her remember, I told her that Fremantle was Harbourfront (cos last stop like on the NEL) and we were at Punggol. heh! Check out the view of North Fremantle from our train:



We then took the free CAT (Central Area Transit) bus to the Fremantle markets which only opened Fri-Sun. There were a lot of stuff there and in fact we regretted not buying more stuff as we had assumed that we could find those things in the city as well. Next time, if I see something I like in a foreign country, I'm just gonna buy it! Anyway, here's a pic of the fresh fruits and stuff - such nice colours - and we got some mangoes too!



My sis got some cool stuff as well, like this bird caller thing. We all agreed that it would be a fantastic tool that we can use to irritate Dusty. heh! Anyway, after that, it was down to the Southern Terraces to grab lunch! We wanted to check out Joe's Stack but it was not open yet so we settled on Cicerello's.



We ordered a seafood platter (darn, we didn't take pics!!) and I loved the chilli mussels! Also, was pretty impressed with their system - they gave you a device which will beep once your order is ready so you don't have to stand/sit around waiting for your food! In order to get a discount, I helped them to pull up the anchor -



We then headed back for the hotel and that was pretty much it for the 1st day. We were all pretty tired too as we didn't get much sleep on the plane. Mum was pretty upset and needed some time adjusting as well cos it was her first time apart from home and basically overseas. Think she missed my dad already! Anyway, FYI, Burger King is known as Hungry Jacks in Aussie! I didn't know that!


The second day was great for my genetically-ingrained-shopaholic female companions whilst their lowly servant carried their bags. We enjoyed the London Court terrace the most and had a wonderful breakfast at the London Court Cafe - sausage rolls and ham/cheese croissants! The day was mostly spent shopping for stuff to get my dad & bro.



For lunch, I managed to persuade them to check out this place that was recommended in one of the guides I was using - Fast Eddy's. We managed to track it down and ordered shakes together with a Seafood & Steak platter which the 3 of us shared:



It wasn't bad but not fantastic either. I think it was then that I decided to skip the guidebook recommendations and just choose a place that we think would be good...as shopping is shopping, not much pics were taken then.


The third day however, we went on a half day tour. Was initially planning to go on the tour on Wed but the guide - Mike - called to ask if we could make it Tues and so we did. It was a good move cos there were only 5 of us on the tour - the three of us and a nice Indian Brit couple. We started off at Caversham Wildlife park where we got to see/feed Kangaroos, Koalas and even hug a Wombat! Check out the pics! haha, although I didn't wanna post pics of my mum, there's one with her and Tommy (the Donk-AY)...hilarious! Check out also the Koala -> the epitome of most Aussies - chill & lazy! heh!







Next up was a wineyard along the Swan Valley where we got to do some wine tasting. Not sure if it's a famous winery but some of the wine was pretty nice and I got 2 bottles. Think that it was the 1st time my sis got to taste so much wine too, plus she's underage!



We proceeded to the Margaret River Choc Factory (which was actually a branch located in the Swan Valley) where we got to taste free choc! We didn't buy much though cos the heat outside was horrible and the choc didn't have the coagulant which slows the melting process; in fact, the choc melted on our hands in the air-conditioned factory! Anyway, check out these two tees; liked them but didn't get them cos too ex. In case you can't read the captions, they read:
"Sex is no substitute for chocolate" and " I'd give up chocolate but I am no quitter"



Last stop on this short tour was the Aboriginal Sourvenir shop. I liked the art and designs of the aboriginal culture but the stuff there was not worth buying in my opinion. The pic (once again) shows my mum and I holding the Didjeridu, an aboriginal musical instrument. I tried but failed to play it and could only make short bursts of sound. heh! Not easy ok!



After the tour, we headed back to the hotel but not before our wonderful guide brought us to a pet shop so that we could shop for sourvenirs for Dusty! Mike's this really nice aussie guy who's not only easy-going but very accomodating as well! After a short break in the hotel, we headed down to Northbridge just north of the train station & CBD. We headed for the Western Australian Museum. My mum was bored to bits but my sis enjoyed it, so it was ok. Will only share one pic here, an aboriginal art mosaic -




After the museum was the Art Gallery of Western Australia which was pretty nice but as expected, we weren't allowed to bring in cameras. By this time though, my mum had relegated herself to sitting outside and resting whilst we made our way around (I think the full day was taking its toil on her). We headed down to William Street to check out the eating places but due to our horrible timing - 4+/5pm - most places were closed. In the end, we settled on this Italian place along James Street -Sorrento - although we had intended to eat at the Brass Monkey. The Fettuccine Pollo was divine and undisputedly the best pasta I have ever eaten! Unfortunately, the lamb shank we shared was tough and a little burnt; partially our fault cos they recommended medium rare (which I love) but my mum insisted on well done; we settled on medium well. A rather fine dinner overall. And then it was back to the hotel and planning for the following day.


Wed started off with a trip to Cottesloe Beach! I finally managed to persuade my mum that a trip to Perth couldn't be complete without a trip to the beach and using the analogy that going there was like going to Dhoby Ghaut (Freemantle - Harbourfront; Perth - Punggol) helped to seal the deal. From the train station, we had to walk up and down this row of pine trees and beautiful houses (see pic) and the weather was perfect which made the walk all the more enjoyable.



We decided to grab a bite first and settled on Blue Waters (not sure if they intended the pun).



Check out the before and after pics of the brekkie the 3 of us shared - sumptuous!




After that, it was hitting the beach, albeit just walking barefoot along the shore and walking to the end of the breakwater!



My fav pic of this trip is also here - I guess in a sense it sums up the city of Perth and probably the rest of Australia.



The wonderful clear blue skies with complementary fluffle of clouds to add a dash of colour, the turquoise green waters and the darkest of green pine trees represents the beauty of nature in Australia; everything's so serene, so peaceful, so laid back. No high rise and even the beach house there is lovely and rustic! I just love the pic!


After the wonerful morning at the beach, it was back to Fremantle for lunch due to mum's request (afterall, dhoby ghaut quite near to harbourfront right?) :P I had wanted to visit the Fremantle Prison on Sun but we were short of time so we cut it out. We managed to go there this time round but due to budget contraints, we had to forego the tour which basially meant we couldn't go into the main prison and see the cells and stuff. I settled for the virtual tours on the comps there and did some shopping at the sourvenir shop. Bought a book for myself and will read it soon; seems interesting enough as it's written in the first person!



After that, we went back to the Southern Terraces in search of a good lunch place. We settled on Kailis' Fish Market Cafe to settle my mum's craving for lobster. I kept pronouncing the name as Kai Li (chinese style) and my sis kept correcting me with Kylie (aussie style and rightly so!) So all three of us had our virgin lobster experience there, for a bloody A$48.95! My mum liked the fish & chips as well and we all went off satisfied!




I had wanted to check out The Little Creatures as Shaun had recommended it to me as being a good place for tinnies (beer), snags (sausages) and cute waitresses. What a wasted!

And then it was back to Perth city to check out the Perth Mint. Found it rather interesting cos we were given an insight as to how the gold is made and stuff? And the aussie humour made it even funnier! Did you know that they actually managed to recover A$20k worth of gold just from purifying gold from the ash and dirt collected from the roof of the mint? My goodness! Plus we tried carrying this 12kg bar of gold which was worth several Gs! Cool. My mum managed (finally) to get my dad something as well. heh!




The last day of our trip and the queen's (mum) request was for more shopping. Alas, the humble servant obliges. However, I managed to persuade a walk down to esplanade and for brekkie at Bell's Cafe. In the pic, you can see the Snow Bell's Tower and the faint outline of a crescent on the left.




We had a hearty brekkie and for once, I insisted on not sharing and guess what, I finished everything nonetheless :)



We then took a return ferry ride just to soak up the sights from the sea. Pretty nice pic of Perth I must say, those that normally come on postcards.



Then it was a day of some last min shopping and prep for our imminent return! :( Just one last task before we returned - our quest for some aussie steak, and a pint for myself! The tourist information lady suggested this place called The Shed at Northbridge (Aberdeen St). We managed to find it pretty easily and we ordered a Porterhouse Steak for myself and a Filet Mignon which my mum & sis shared. I also ordered (FINALLY!) a pint of VB - Victoria Bitters - which was pretty good! Except that they had an offer and I ended up ordering a jug (1.14l) for A$8! I really couldn't finish it, maybe cos it was just lunch time! Anyway, a fantastic end to our journey in Perth!




Although our flight was at 915am on Fri morning, our mum woke us up at 4am and we were at the airport by 540am (see pic below). We managed to clear customs pretty easily and had a good journey back home. Managed to catch two movies - The Night listener (starring Robin Williams) and Little Miss Sunshine. I enjoyed the latter a lot and am thinking of buying the DVD. Has it come out in S'pore cinemas? I didn't hear about it at all! Besides the wonderful cinematography, I think that it deals with several issues, at least one of which, all of us can identify with. Though the humor can be a little dark at times, I think that it's both funny yet provokes tears with simple words that just strike you out of the blue with its authenticity. I would definitely recommend this movie to you!



Overall, I would say that though there were times when my mum, sis and/or I could not agree on stuff, and frustrated us, I enjoyed this trip. Maybe more so cos I was able to relax and that it was (I hope) a good experience for both my mum & sis, which was the main reason why we traveled to begin with. I also thank God for His being with us esp when i prayed those desperate pleas that nothing go wrong when it clearly could have and I thank all those of you who have prayed for us. God bless!

Perth (10-15th Dec)

Dear all,

I will be away from tonight so try your best not to miss me! Also, hope you guys will keep my mum, sis and myself in your prayers and that everything goes smoothly, that I don't lose my patience and that we all have fun!

About presents, pls forgive me cos I'm on a low budget! Blew a lot of cash on hotel already cos Perth has the Ashes Cricket tournament this week.

K, cya all when I get back. God bless!

The Final Countdown

no, I'm not talking about the ahbeng techno song, or the countdown to 2007. I'm talking about the days to the time I leave NUS! Of cos, I feel ambivalent! But it also means that I got some time to slack before I start work in the H0me Team!! Looking forward to the challenge! So guys, if you wanna meet up, I'm clearing leave from 21st Dec till year end and will be free all the way to 14th Jan! Woohoo!

There were so many things I've been wanting to blog about. Lost the mood and lost some thoughts. Anyway, I think one of the things that was getting to me was the fact that some of us have ugly thoughts/stereotypes ingrained inside us. I've had at least three instances in the past few days and it's disturbing. More disturbing because all of these ppl are graduates/undergrads and are supposedly active/good Christians (when I say I include Catholics and rightly so). I can think back to a few more graduates who hold stereotypes of certain races exhibiting certain traits. For example, if you're of a particular race, you are a drunkard and when you go home after you drink, you will beat up your wife. I mean, wtf? Don't you have any *ucking brains? Can't you think of exceptions? Can't you see that not all ppl of this race drink? Just look at my dad - he doesn't drink a drop, save for Yomeishu (if you wanna count tt). And so what if a person drinks? Does it mean he will go home and beat his wife? Think of at least one person you know who will become inactive/sleep after he drinks? I know of nan. I think it's the personality more than anything that determines if you will beat you wife; the alcohol just helps u lose the inhibitions. And what about foreign workers? Come on, are we gonna stereotype all of them just because there're some are bad hats? Are all of them gonna molest/rape you? I think it's fine to take precautions or just be on the safe side but pls, there's a fine line la.
How like that, the supposed educated in our society can't break out of stereotypes, what about the rest. Just feel so vexed thinking about these ppl. I think after a particular conversation this wk, I realised what kind of person I was talking to and it disgusted me so much I just couldn't continue. I hope you wake up.

During the week, I read in the newspapers and was impressed by our Pope's actions in Turkey. I think that he chose to do the right thing and as mentioned, his action spoke louder than any apology could. I think religious understanding and tolerance is something very important. It's def not an issue to have an opinion or to subscribe to a particular doctrine or religious belief; but to enforce it and try to force it down the throat of others. What does tt say about u? As Christians, should we condemn/ostracise/discriminate against those who we feel are not following the right path? How far are we from the racists I talked about earlier if we are to tell ourselves, "I'm not gonna get to mix with this person or get to know this person better" cos of his/her religion? If we are like this, how far from the Pharisees are we? Would this be something Jesus would do? Jesus who ate with the prostitutes and tax collectors while the Pharisees were busy criticising others and failing to recognise the logs in their bloody eyes? So how then do we draw the line between the racist and the fervent Christian? I don't pretend that I have a ready answer. I'm still discerning. But basically, the gist of it seems to be, at the end of the day, would Jesus have done it the same way and are we reaching out to others if we choose to take that particular action.

Sorry if the stuff mentioned are too heavy. I don't even know if I'm being coherent but been bogged down with these thoughts recently.

Anyway, another decision has been made though I'm tempted to add something in that will dramatically change everything.

Will be leaving for Perth soon! Exciting yet stressful cos have to plan everything on my own. Hope I rem everything:

Plane tics - check
Hotel booking - check
Visas - check
Travel insurance - check
Change money - not yet!
Lonely Planet guide - check!

Anything else I forgot guys? :)

Exam Invigilation

Did my 1st of two exam invigilations yesterday at KR Hall. It's really quite interesting to be on "the other side" this time round. The best part is that you can still smell/feel the tension in the air but this time, there really ain't any consequences or anything to worry about. The only part where I was stressed was when everyone was waiting for me to count the bubble forms before they could go off but I counted one shot! So had to re-count. *stress sia*

Anyway, just a funny incident happened. A girl raised up her hand towards the last 20 mins of the exam and I walked over to the girl, bent over and asked her, "Yes?" Then all I got was a blank look. Then the girl in front of her called out to me, "It's me!" Oops, damn paiseh can? I got the wrong girl! Then the girl in front was like trying to stifle her giggle.

Oh well, interesting la. The next one lagi best - a 1-on-1 invigilation on the 6th of Dec. I wonder how I'm gonna get through that 2.5 hours man! No more pacing this time, lest I make the guy dizzy.

Have a good day!

..

I just counted - I have exactly 14 days of work left; excluding 1.5 days of leave that I have yet to clear. Is 14 days enough to finish what I have to? I don't know. Do I care? I don't know either. My feelings about leaving are ambivalent - on the one hand i know it's best for my professional & personal growth (probably to stop my physical growth as well; which is a good thing), whilst on the other, there's so much I feel I'm giving up. An example of how what you know is best for you but you can't really put it into action without feeling some sort of dissonance.

I have been enjoying the past few days (maybe even weeks). Sat was particularly sweet, with Glo's housewarming! It was nice to just catch up with the rest of the house reps, some of whom I have not seen since JC! And it's quite interesting to see the diverse professions tt we're in - teaching, software programming, free-lance writing, trader, industrial designer, nursing (!), air forces, medcine...haha I wonder who I left out...got to know Ale better also cos she stays in Sengkang and we shared a cab back...too bad she's returning to Aussie soon...I think recent meet-ups and gathering have left me missing NJ days pretty much...and looking at glo's pics sure refreshed some memories...heh.

On another front, I'm fighting a battle. A battle which I think I can only lose get hurt. Hurt pretty badly. I guess what Alan said is true, but am I willing to take the risk? Alas, the words from Macbeth seem so far though the analogy is a tad bit grosteque:

"I 'd waded in blood so far, that returning were as tedious as to go o'er"

There's another song right that goes something along the lines of "having gone in too deep"... yeah, something like tt...somehow I think things will be completely different once exams end... I pray for strength Lord, walk with me and guide me. Don't let me break. Pls, no.

Marley and Me / Decision made

I finally managed to finish up the book - Marley and Me - on Sunday and not w/o some drama. I essentially wept through two of the chapters; the chapters in which Marley the psychotic and ever faithful & loving dog flirted with death and eventually lost. I guess this book would not have made an impact if I didn't have a dog. But I do. And in a sense, it brought to awareness the reality that one day, my family and I would have to face the same heart-break. I rem Ter Thia some time back being so upset at the loss of her dog. I would say that the pain experienced is no less than that suffered when a family member/loved one passes away. In fact, Dusty has become so much a part of our family that our thoughts don't come back to her when we're out, esp for my mum. I will cherish the moments with her. Truely.

After so much deliberation, I've made a decision. Regardless of the result of my job application, I have decided to leave NUS once my contract ends, 31st Dec 2006. I think that my decision is an obvious choice and it's something I know I should do, but it's painful nonetheless. It seems as if I'm giving up a lot and maybe I am, but I sincerely believe that it is for my own personal and professional growth. I will miss many things, at the foremost, the interactions with students, my office and my wonderful CSS friends whom I can seek refuge from when things don't go well. I really don't know where I will be come next year but hopefully my application works out. Hopefully. Would appreciate your prayers :)

On another front, things are looking ominous. Actually, truth be told, I know I should move on. But as usual, theory and practice find it difficult to reconcile. Oh, that sinking feeling. Somebody save me! I hope I can save myself this time. And I have a feeling that I'm stronger and this time, I can help to help myself move on. I must.

.

It's been some time since I last blogged but recent events probably would have warranted some writing. I guess, some things are better left unsaid; when not made tangible, some things you forget. Maybe. Maybe not.

Work has been pretty busy but I guess since I'm close to a decision now, I'm not too concerned about worrying about what ppl will think about me when I leave on time at 5pm. I'm not so concerned about the report I'm writing cos (1) it's not graded, (2) though I'm writing every last word of it, I doubt my name will appear as the author anyway. I mean tt's why I'm paid to do some Dr's shit work right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or cheesed off about work. In fact, though there is def stress, I'm liberated in a sense. I'm on my own schedule and work rather independently, without much interference from "superiors". Regarding career, I seriously know what I should do since I want direct practice experience, but sometimes the obvious is also the hardest decision. I mean, there's so much to give up. I was looking, really looking at my office today and realised that no where else was I gonna get such a big private space with shelves, cupboards & even a BIG board to put up pics, photos, newspaper articles and whatever I want. I will miss the interaction with my friends in CSS, the social work students and the sw staff (most of them anyway). I'm comfortable. But truth be told, I don't like what I'm doing at all. It'll be fine if I were ok with brainless stuff (ok, some bits require brain) but I hate admin and I feel as if my main job scope is that of a secretary. It's much better now cos I'm busy coordinating 80 student RA (research assistants) and liaising a lot with some govt agencies, but I think I need the interaction with clients. I hope I get a reply soon and resolve all issues. But even if I don't get what I have applied for, I think leaving should still be the route to take. The problem now is how I'm gonna tell the Head cos he's just such a nice guy that I would feel as if I was letting him down or even betraying him. But this is what I've got to do.

On another matter, I've been thinking seriously about something. I guess my answer comes in Matt19:26 - With men this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. And I even have two testimonies to prove this point. I guess at the end of the day, I have to decide whether this is it and if I should take the plunge and make myself vulnerable in order to seek happiness. It's amazing how things could have turned out this way. I mean, it was accidental. I never intended it and it just happened. But with knowledge, ignorance is stripped away. And when ignorance is stripped away, you're changed forever - perception, thinking, emotions - and you can't return to your prior state and pretend you don't know. And with that comes decisions. I think I will take some time to discern. To think, reflect. I'm sure God will guide me. One thing I'm glad for is that this time, when i felt I was gonna "free fall", I pulled myself together and turned to God, who always provides. Thank you to the instruments of His that helped me through this week. You know who you are. Thank you & God bless.

many things to think about...and be thankful for...

Tuesday
I was worried as usual about all the details as I made my prep for the training/briefing session for our next research project. The difference between this and the other sessions I've conducted is that I was expecting 40+ students; 53 turned up. I thought it went rather well and I handled myself and the training in a professional manner. Pretty thankful that so many turned up and that there will be (hopefully) about 20 more coming for next Thurs' session. The only worry now is the coordination needed for such a large group! Before I slept that night, I thought about the session again and realised that my disposition during the entire 2 hour session was better than had been during my uni days and I wasn't as nervous or even pulling my shirt!! It was also then that I thought again about whether I should consider becoming a TA next year after my RA contract expires year-end. I really love the interaction with the students and teaching this grp of ppl. Something to think about.

Wednesday
I had intended to stay home to rest as I was still tired from the training session. But Glo sms-ed me and we decided to have dinner at Harbourfront. Was good catching up with her, me whining about life/work and she sharing about her life as a teacher and just catching up. We also managed to check out VivoCity. It was ok though I still find it suspicious that it went up so fast and got the building permits and all despite being up for such a short time. Must explore it again some day. I thought back to our time in NJ and realised that we've come a long way. I still rem the incident during our R2K (House Rep camp) where I refused to wake up and she kicked my mattress. The next thing I rem is the letter she wrote me. And I guess that where our frenship really started? I still have that letter :) Now, I wonder if I should organise a gathering for my class...it's been ages since we met. And I guess we're all busy now. Something to think about.

Thursday
As mentioned, I've been thinking a lot. About things. About decisions. About people. One group of ppl I thought about is my army pals, particularly the three I've gone overseas with twice. So I arranged a meeting and all three of us met on Thurs. We went to this high-class sushi place and then had more food at this Hong Kong Cafe thingy oppo CityLink. Good stuff (def going back again). Anyway, it felt really good catching up and just talking, about the other platoon mates, about what we did during army, about our lives now. haha, and about how some of us never change. In sum, I just really enjoyed myself. And I was so glad I organised it. We shd meet up again soon. If not, there's always ICT! *frown*

Friday
Ideally, I would have gotten to know someone better that night but it was not meant to be :) all for the better cos I had to meet Carol & Ryan to plan for the backup in place of Games Day for the teens. Met at starbucks and managed to come up with super lame stuff. The most lame, was thought up by Ryan: ±√4p² (it's supposed to be a place in church). Give up? It's supposed to mean 2P(pee) or -(not) 2P(pee) = toilet! haha, man. So though being tired, we managed to squeeze out some laughs and get the work done!
Also, I managed to finish an excellent book I've been reading - The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. It's a really powerfully charged book which will evoke myraid emotions in you. Pls go read it if you can! My colleague has already booked it (no pun intended). Some quotes which I liked and/or got me thinking:

"there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft...When you kill a man, you steal a life...you steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness..."

"Father used to say it's wrong to hurt even bad people. Because they don't know any better, and because bad people sometimes become good"

"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night"

Anyway, I received news today, though not 100% confirmed, but it basically means I have a decision to make. Something to think about.

Saturday
Somehow I woke up at 8+ despite being stone tired last night. To my horror, an sms that I thot I had sent out wasn't. Anyway, I got an instant reply which brought a smile to my face. I don't know what I'm doing but I hope I'm not making a mistake here. Anyway, most of the day was prep for the Treasure Hunt. It went quite ok and I hope the teens had fun. And the highlight of the day was when I bought my bike! haha, now I don't have to read when I'm bored but I can go out and explore Spore on wheels. Like I said on msn: if you can't get 4 wheels, start with 2!

And to all of you, have a blessed Sunday tomorrow! Be thankful for what you have for there's no end in complaining. Count your blessings and you will much to be satisfied with!

thank you

Hey all, just wanna say thanks for the love & concern of all of you - blog comments, smses, blue balloons, meeting up, prayers. Really touched esp after someone put it into perspective for me when I met him just now. Been a fulfilling week thus far, meeting up with ppl and doing stuff after work. Anyway, just wanna share something. Rem I mentioned on my blog a few posts ago, that "I was not happy. But not unhappy"? Well, guess what I read in A Million Little Pieces -

James: I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy.
Leonard: You'll be happy soon. Just hold on.

These words might mean nothing to you but from me they were spoken from High. Thank you!

Clarification

Just a short note to say that I'm fine. Been feeling that way for a long time, so nothing to worry about. Maybe can just keep me in your prayers. And thank you for those who have spoken/seen me. Appreciate you lots. You guys are what keep me going some times. God bless.

innermost thots

pls don't read if you don't wanna get depressed or have your mood affected.

I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe, it's cos of my reflective mood. Maybe it's the music that I'm listening to now. I just feel sad. And I guess there're some things I have to speak of, tell everyone. Just this once.

I think my biggest problem is my low self-confidence/esteem. Well, maybe 2nd biggest problem. The real reason why I took social work was because I wanted to become a good person. I wanted to help others. To make a difference in the lives of others. How does low self-esteem/confidence come into the pic? I doubt. I doubt my own ability to get out there and make a difference without either screwing up the lives of others or getting seriously hurt myself. I've opened up another door in recent days and I'm seriously considering going out into the field and be there. Be there for those who society shun. To help them to help themselves. To hopefully get them to change for themselves. To renew & restart. I don't know the outcome. But I'm hopeful. I guess the reason why I chose to stay in the uni is cos I thought I could make a difference in the area of research, as it's an area that I feel I'm rather apt. I'm making an effort to try out new things, to be more adventurous. To take the risks and enjoy the life a 25 year old would.

My biggest problem is that I hate myself. I wish I could give myself the respect that some people show me. I wish I could love myself, like God would. There's so many things that I hate about myself. The worst of which is my temper - when I show my middle-finger to the fucker who's hogging the right-most lane, when I get irritated with family members and lose my cool with them, when I lose my cool during soccer. How can hate and love coincide? I guess that's the reason why I'm shunning love, cos I don't think I can handle it. Though, it is something I want at this point of time but I don't think I'm ready. But can I ever resolve my 'issues'? Should I give love a chance? We'll see...

many thoughts, little conclusions

Been thinking a lot recently. What's new? Let's pen (or digitise) some of them...

MarkG asked me a very poignant question yesterday which kinda caught me off guard - Are you happy? I thought about it for a while and we decided that I was not happy, but not unhappy. Get it? I don't know why, but been frowning more till it has become my "neutral" look, i.e. the look you see when I'm stoning or not really doing anything. To begin with, I don't think I had a friendly "neutral" look. Oh well...back to the question on happiness...I would say I live for the moments of happiness but in between, there're nothing really to look forward to or be happy about. I won't blame it solely on work but it does play a part I guess. But after MarkG asked that question, I've still been pondering it and thinking of how I can make myself happy. Maybe I should really read the book - Authentic Happiness - by Martin Seligman (those who took psych will know him as the guy who coined the term "learned helplessness"). I bought it for my thesis and read bits here and there but maybe a more thorough read is warranted. I doubt I can find happiness in a book though. I mean, if it were that simple, would we still need prozac and other anti-depressants? Would ppl still be depressed?

Talking about books, I've been reading A million little pieces, by James Frey. It's basically the story of this guy's struggle with alcohol & drugs. Some of you may have heard about the controvesy of him lying about some parts of his life but that doesn't bother me. I find his pain very real and vividly described although I do question whether he exaggerates. It also got me thinking. If you were to ask me what the world's biggest problem is, I wouldn't tell you it's War, Terrorism, AIDS, global warming, etc. I'll say it's loneliness.

I think that loneliness is a very big but under-rated problem. The fact that it may lay hidden without being discovered worsen the situation. James expressed this same loneliness that transcends being close to another woman or even sex. I see this loneliness among many teens, even though they're always hanging out with their friends. I guess you will only really know when you lie in bed before falling asleep; do you feel alone then? Do you feel lonely, like you're the only one around; that no one else is thinking of you at that very moment? I rem reading this book, Metamorphosis, after my A levels and found it disturbing. If I rem it right, it's basically this guy who lies in bed cos he has turned into a fly and is dying, which describes his alienation from everyone & everything. In retrospect, how many ppl in this world feel the same? I think it may be a bigger problem in Singapore because we're not encouraged to find ourselves first, unlike in the angmoh countries. We're introducted into the pre-fabricated system at a tender age of what, 4? And then we begin our time in the educational production line - nursery (which I didn't go for thankfully), kindergarden, pri sch, sec sch, jc, uni. Don't know what you wanna do in life? Nevermind, just study hard first, keep your options open. Bury yourself in work, studies, CCAs, work, church, whatever to escape the inevitable question of what you wanna do. Who are you? I don't know; just study first, you'll find out later. Yeah, right. Born into the system; die in it. Without ever knowing yourself. Sad. Do you know yourself? Strip away your roles - student, employee, employer, father/mother, son/daughter, brother/sister, friend - and tell me who are you? The problem with defining yourself with roles is when these roles are taken away, do you lose your identity. Do you stop being who you thought you were?

Watched Singapore Dreaming on Monday and found it quite good. At least I gained another perspective from it. Most of those who caught it found it slow-moving and a little boring, but for me, it reflected Singaporean reality pretty well. For me, it made me conscious of my "biased sample" of friends who are mostly undergraduates or graduates. Thus, I fail to see the struggles of those who don't have that "piece of paper" and the resultant inherent struggles. Just found the movie surprisingly depressing though; something virtually unheard of in local films. Interesting. I'm sure it reflects some part of reality here. A good attempt Mr W0ffles WU!

K that's all for now. Stay tuned for updates from the speck of dust.

BOSTON -Augustana

in the light of the sun, is there anyone? oh it has begun...
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed...you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts across
an open field,
when flowers gaze at you...they're not the only ones who cry
when they see you
you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

she said i think i'll go to boston...
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of california, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly em out to spain...
i think i'll go to boston,
i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new tow, to leave this all behind...
i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...
boston...where no one knows my name...

Karen forced me to do this quiz!

Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head, without reading the questions below. Tag 5 more people to do this quiz.

1. Karen
2. Kes
3. Ian
4. HD
5. Hannah
6. Charkwa
7. Mello
8. Ivan
9. Chunky
10. Tini
11. MarkC
12. Rhys
13. Alan
14. Ed
15. Shirley
16. Chunyat
17. Ahbao
18. Wati
19. Jian Ting
20. Liling

how did you meet no.14?
Let me see...I met him in CSS (Catholic Students' Society) and the first time I noticed him was when he was a Game master for this game during a combined retreat and left me sore abs the next morning. I guess that's when it started (our frenship) cos he sent me a warm fuzzy, which I didn't expect at all :)

what would you do if you never met no.1?
wow...interesting question, I think I wouldn't have a supper kaki, might never have been to Grapevine and wouldn't have gotten to know (or kiss) Owen!

what would you do if no.20 and no.9 dated?
haha...I don't know lei...but I know Chunky will treat her very well...

did you ever like no.19?

well, unless I'm gay, no, not in that way...

would no.6 and no.17 make a good couple?

enough of gay couples la...

describe no.3

he's a crazy fun-loving guy who has a soft interior and whom I can talk serious as well as crap...

do you think no.8 is attractive?

of cos la, he's a hot Indian dude!

tell me something about no.7

haha...she'll kill me if I told you what I thot of saying...go ask her yourself...say "Netto don't dare say something about you & PGP..."

do you know any of 12's family?

haha no, we're not close at all...

what's no.8's favorite?

favourite girl? Ira...

what would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?

wtf? you mean you took our Gabrielite brotherly love literally? ;) oh ya, pun NOT intended with "wtf"!!!

what language does no.15 speak?

I don't know lei...I just pretend I understand...now with braces even more jialat! just kidding Ms Surely! :p

who is no.9 going out with?

Toyota Altis...(I hope I got it right!)

how old is no.16 now?

same as me... 25

when was the last time you talked to no.13?

Wednesday night on the phone...

who's no.2's favorite band/singer?

shit...he mentioned on his blog that he's listening and bought the CD of a band but I can't remember....anyway think he likes Beyond n stuff like that...retro is a definite....

would you date no.4?

why not...

would you date no.7?

why not also...(darn, I sound easy...)

is no.15 single?

yupz she is...the last time to spoke to her...

what's no. 10's last name?

hmmm I don't know lei...dont know her very well...

would you ever be in a serious relationship with no.18?

haha, maybe?

which school does no.3 go to?

NUS Sch of Med, gonna grad soon!

what's your favorite thing about no.5?

she is fun and always entertains me but also has a serious side whereby she can lead...and for sending me home that night almost 2 yrs ago when I was pissed drunk...thank you...

have you seen no.1 naked?

of cos la!

TAG FIVE PEOPLE:

1. Kes
2. Alexis
3. Charkwa
4. Mello
5. Angie

(haha, so actually only 2 ppl have to do it...)

and now for my BATTLE CRY!!!!

Zang! Who is that, skulking through the steppes! It is Nick-net-toe, hands clutching a burning branch! And with a booming grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to hump you with such zeal, the Earth will spin twice as fast!"

Check out yours here.

Busy but fulfilling week

This week has been the most packed so far. At least since I started work. There was something on everyday after work and this week in work had the most deadlines I've seen so far. And I managed to settle all except two, both of which were out of my hands as they required action to be taken by others.

Monday - Went for Abeng commissioning after work.

Tuesday - Meeting in church; I guess I'm no longer a catechist but a youth council member?

Wednesday - Attended Abeng CG and must say that I've enjoyed it. Learnt quite a bit from the perspective of others, esp those of other nationalities. I think one of the girls also shared something which I will have to face one day too. Then rushed down to meet Shaun Mat, AGT & Gloria for dinner at the new Raffles City basement. Felt a bit awed, with a pilot & doctor (both have their own cars) and a NYGH sch teacher. All pocketing pay packets beyond mine too. Was nice catching up and felt kinda guilty cos the guys made me realise that I've missed every single outing they've had in the past 2/3 yrs? I promised to "do lunch" or something with them soon. I will keep this promise.

Thursday - Arts commissioning @ Holy Cross. Quite nice to see it held at mass in a church. And really glad for some of them stepping forward. Hope arts will continue to grow and reach out to more ppl in campus. Another thing worth mentioning was the student RA (research asst) training I conducted. We used the conference room and I presented sitting down. For the first time, I felt I did a good job and that I was able to address the students' questions rather professionally. I think the setting played a huge role.

Friday - Exco commissioning. Man, I feel old la. My exco was like the 55th and they were commissioning the 58th. Anyway, felt quite solemn; thought it was supposed to be a celebration thingy. Anyway, felt good to have kes, ian, chunky, HD, draggie sitting together for mass. Went to Holland V for dinner after that and had dessert at Gelare. Was good catching up and stuff. We should do this more often, and with Ina & Julia too!

Saturday - I couldn't wake up till noon! And I had to be at Nanyang Poly by 1pm! So I rushed and as usual I lost my patience with me dad who does things slowly. On a side-point, I think he's getting really old and I want to love him and be more patient. But for me, patience is more a struggle than something that comes naturally. Anyway, I haven't told anyone about this, except Alan. Today I went to receive an Academic Excellence Award given by SINDA for top Indian students. To be honest, I felt undeserving of the award, not because of my academic results but because I couldn't really speak any Indian language. Maybe in that sense I didn't feel Indian enough to receive such an honour from SINDA. Anyway, I went with an open mind and met some really nice ppl there. Once I was separated from me dad, I was ushered to my seat and immediately greeted and shook hands with the only guy seated there. *In a sense I think I've grown in this aspect. My work has made me more social and ept at networking* I felt comfortable talking to this guy, and when another came along, I also greeted him and brought him into the conversation so he wouldn't be left out. All in all, it was good. There was another person who impressed me - "mini-stir" for M@npower, dr NG E.H. He came across as a very nice guy who's not presumptuous or pretentious. I kinda liked him in fact. When I collected my prize on stage, he actually asked me what I was doing now and it was definitely longer than the normal "congratulations" that guests-of-honour say. In fact, he did this for many of the award recipients. After the ceremony, he stayed around to mingle and talk to some of us as well. I guess I didn't create a fantastic impression cos he asked me the same question 3 times - "So what are you doing now?" *Man, I gotta work on my first impressions* Anyway, he mingled for much longer than I know most "mini-stirs" do and my dad and I left before he did.
Had dinner with mum & sis later in the evening and sent chicken wings and a painting to someone, so felt good to bring some cheer to others.

Anyway, on a side-note, work is getting better cos I'm being more open. I guess we all have to "start at the bottom of the food chain" (quoted from dr NG E.H. today). He's right. One day I'll be somebody. Today I'll learn to be fine with being a nobody. But nobody had a good week. And sometimes, that's good enough.

Joakim still sucks; the small things

I can't stand him la. And somehow it seems that the judges are giving up criticising his singing. His singing, in my opinion, is still the freaking worst in the competition. He said "Just bring it!" I hope his family and stupid fans have enough to buy his CD when he releases one. I mean, who knows, he might even go Platinum! All through the efforts of stupidity! woohoo!

Anyway, today was a crap day. I think it's really the small nice gestures of friends that make my day. Thanks to those who dropped by and brought stuff. Really appreciate it. God bless ya.

Still (un)decided

Sianz. After a few weeks, I'm still undecided about what to do. The good thing is that I've been speaking to several lecturers and been hearing their (very) varied opinions. Will come up with a decision in 2 weeks when my Head comes back. Till then, I think I need to get the opinions of some neutral ppl. But how to find neutral ppl?

Anyway, my new PC came today and man I must say that it's freaking fast compared to the crap-thing I had just a few hours ago. Thank goodness a lady from Comp Centre managed to help me transfer the data over, otherwise I'll be looking at the new comp, but using the old.

Man, I had so much to blog about but now no feeling liaoz~

Oh ya, Saturday was good cos though my class wasn't "S'pore Idol" material, I was so happy to see them there. I mean I was so scared some of them would just not come. But in the end, most of those who had been practising came. And it was heartening to see the class (or at least half of them) bonding. Now for the other half.

K, more next time. No mood liaoz.

A tiring week (am I weak?)

It's been a tiring week. And I don't know whether the reason is that I'm weak physically. I mean, I've been falling sick quite a few weekends, esp those when I have to juggle both work & church almost consecutively. Yesterday, we brought our teens to Villa Francis Home for the Aged @ Mandai Estate. After which, I had this terrible headache and caused me to sleep from about 8pm last night to 10am this morning, after downing 2 paracetomol pills. I feel much better now. Going over to a neighbour's place for his firstborn's 1st month anniversary! The heading down to a lecturer's place for some celebrations too!

Anyway, remember I told you guys about a decision that I have to make? Well, more discussions with some ppl in the department and two social work professionals have thrown everything up in shreds again. Back to the drawing board again I guess. This is frustrating. I feel the urge to make a hasty decision but my rational side knows better. Will take this entire week to think through this carefully again. Don't want any regrets. Think I may have made one already.

About the Villa Francis visit, I think it was a wonderful experience. I realised the importance of a recce. Really appreciated the company there on Wed, esp since otherwise would have meant a lonely trip by public transport to the ulu place and an equally lonely trek up that hill. Thank you lex! :) The visit there yesterday was good cos not only did I feel I did something out of my comfort zone but I think the trip benefitted the teens quite a bit. Well, I can't say it helped all the teens but I think most of the teens "gained a new perspective" (the exact words of one teen) and that it opened their eyes to a part of Singapore that our government is so quick to sweep up into homes for the destitute. Not that it's a bad thing. Just look at America and you will realise that our country is lucky enough to be small and have a small (yet substantial) proportion of destitute people. I guess the young can be quite sheltered from the marginalised and forgotten in society especially since (I found out) that CIP nowadays can involve merely making and selling of gifts/food to raise funds for charity. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against this but this also means they do not have direct contact with the needy. Back in my time, although there wasn't CIP, we still had trips to an Old Age Home and I felt that the exposure was important. Back to the trip yesterday, I think that the teens was exposed to the conditions of an old age home. Ironically, I felt that it was definitely one of the homes in better condition and with better facilities/equipment. Also, how the nurses handled the resident was also appalling to some; to me this just highlighted the need for more staff in the social services sector and the congruent need for policies to address such rigidities as the RAF which dictates how much staff is sufficient in handling a set number of residents. There is much to do and improve. I guess for me what struck me was how loving some of the teens are; we have so much to learn from them. When we did a head count on the bus (going back to church already), we realised one of the girls in my class was missing. I was surprisingly calm as I headed back to the multi-purpose hall. I scanned the area and spotted someone stooped down and patiently feeding an elderly resident. It brought a smile to my face. As I approached her, she saw me and asked, "Is everyone waiting for me?" I just replied, "It doesn't matter. Take your time." That really made my day. I hope you guys have a similar incident to speak of. If not, make it happen guys. Make it happen. :)

Share

Just wanted to share this essay with you guys. It's pretty short (~ 500 words) but I don't know why but it really stirred up emotions in me. Enjoy. Some of you might not agree though.

Emigration Essay

CLICK*

I watched Click with Karen just now and I must say it's a fantastic movie. Gonna get the DVD. To be honest, I just expected to laugh and didn't expect any serious undertones to it but tears welled up in my eyes more than once and I even cried once. heh. I guess two words come to mind which I feel can summarise the movie - priorities & regrets. What is your priority in life? Is it work, family, friends, church, God, studies, whatever. In a sense it's a zero sum game cos when you spend time on one, you'll have to sacrifice time for another and it's unlikely that you can "expand the pie". So what is my priority in life? For now, it's indeed my family. I guess Click has helped me to decide on what I'm gonna do next. It's really amazing how a movie, yes a movie, can help me make this decision. For some of you, I've made know the dilemma that I was facing in deciding on my long-term goals in terms of career and certain decisions had to be made soon regarding the possibility of remaining in the uni, finding another job and/or furthering my studies either locally or abroad, of which the latter also required me to think of when and how I was gonna do so. The permutations were innumerable and I was just lost. Now, I kinda have decided on something but I'll be open and mull over it for the next week. Basically, it's safe to say that I'll be in Singapore for a long time more.

Anyway, for those who have not watched Click right, better go watch. Think it's good. I recommend!