1st Non-relative Wedding

Just came back from Ben & Regina's Wedding. Was a very nice laid-back affair. Very different from the ones I know when everything is being fussed about and you have to maintain a certain amount of decorum. The wedding mass was good though I felt that Fr Richards was a little...err...scary? Saying that there was "no guarantee the marriage would last"! Anyway mass had 2 of my fav hymns...will type them out at the end of the blog.
You guys must check this out: the shocking pink cab that the wedding couple traveled in. But I already had 2 comments about the Hello Kitty.


Anyway, we proceeded to Goodwood Park Hotel for lunch. It was a really simple affair but I enjoyed the company of Alan, Bridget, Debbie, Jacq & Vincent. It was really funny. I decided to imitate what medieval gentlemen did - I stood up whenever the ladies wanted to leave the table. Thanks a mill to Alan who pangseh me. Anyway I got the idea from Kate & Leotard which I got glimpses of last week? haha then Debbie tried testing me but I was too busy eating. Man, no wonder they don't do such things anymore! You have to pay attention to the ladies' movements, then stop eating everytime the ladies leave! haha...but it was rather fun! Anyway what do you call a medevial gentleman? a SNOG! Sensitive Old Age Guy. Tt's what bridget said anyway. Debbie and her learnt what SNAG means today.
Anyway, another lesson learnt: always UNDER-estimate a girl's age if you want to get off on the right footing with her. Muhahaha...I over-estimated Jacq's age by 5 yrs (no thanks to Alan lah!) and said she was 28! heh...
it was a good time spent chatting and getting to know each other (esp tt Vincent was a Franciscan Novice b4 he got married!). But all good things have to come to an end. But this blog and the memories remain.

My all time fav Hymn: Thank you Lord

Thank you Lord for the trials that come my way
In the way I can grow each day as I let you lead
Yes I thank you Lord, for the patience those trials bring
In the process of growing, I can learn to care

Refrain:
But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the spirit take control of all I do
Cause when those trials come my human nature
Shouts the things to do
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored

But I thank you Lord, with each trial I feel inside
That you're there to lead and guide me away from wrong
'Cause you promised Lord that with every testing
That your way of escaping's easier to bear

Refrain

Final Ending:
Yes I thank you Lord for the vict'ry that growing brings
In surrender of everything, Life is so worthwhile
And I thank you Lord, that when everything's put in place
Out in front I can see your face
And it's there you belong

The hymn that reminds me of my 55th exco7:
Power of Your Love

Lord I come to You, let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace that I found in You.
And Lord I've come to know the weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away by the power of Your Love.

Chorus:
Hold me close, let Your Love surround me.
Bring me near, draw me to Your side.
And as I wait I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You,
Your spirit leads me on, in the power of Your Love.

Lord unveil my eyes, let me see You face to face,
The knowledge of Your Love as You live in me
Lord renew my mind as Your will unfolds in my life
In living every day by the power of Your Love.

Chorus

1st cockroach and Bliss (separate)

1st cockroach in my house. It happened this morning when I was studying for SW3201. It flew in through my window and I was sitting beside the window! I backed off from the window. Ran to get the newspaper...came into the room...DAMN! not the Life section so I went to get the Classified. Came back. (I'm scared of cockroahces btw). It went towards my hi-fi! Fuck nO! I hit it once. It stopped moving! Success! I poked it and it started flying. Fuck! I hit it again. It stopped. I went to get Shieldtox and started spraying it. It started flying again! Arg! Then it went to the back of my Hi-fi. I started spraying. It came out and this time with only 5 legs made for the floor. I smashed it. Now it had only 3 legs! But it was still moving! arg! It was upside down and I left it die off.
Sigh. Couldn't study after tt. Was traumatised. It's the FIRST cockroach in my Sengkang flat. Sigh. I used to be SO happy tt there were no cockroahces in sengkang. Now there is one. When there is one, there is more lurking. Sigh.

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I'm in heaven. Rem tt song? I kept smiling! Even during the exam which everyone said was difficult! The ball is no longer in my court. I have done what I can. Can only hope. But with hope comes vulnerability...vulnerability to get hurt and disappointed. I'm willing to take the risk this time though. There's nothing much to lose. There's no friendship to begin with (unlike the last time). The most I will feel is acute disappointment. Thank you God for this chance. I took it this time. :)

Now I know...

I had been asking myself this question since the beginning of the year when I found out that a few of the ppl in social work are like having issues and problems, depression and stuff. I asked myself: Can we as social workers be depressed and still serve our clientele? Wouldn't it affect our job, clients, etc.? Today, I talked to someone or rather she talked to me and it was during our conversation that I realised how much she understood what I was saying, that she could empathise cos when she said she has been there I knew she meant it. When she told me not to do this n that, I knew that it has worked for her. I thank God for her, talking to me for almost an hr, along the road outside KR.
A piece of advice for all those of you who don't know nuts about counseling. The last thing you should do is to advice! Don't refute what the person says also! Never!
I won't do well for counseling. 2 questions 2 fucked up answers. I don't deserve to do well. And I won't. My first social work mod that I'll get a lousy grade for. Looking back, the most fav part of this mod is still my project on Structural Family Therapy. What a wasted! Just hope that the A for the CA will help pull me up a bit. Now for IT1001. I've got exactly 19 hrs b4 the exam and I've not started. If I blog again, then something is wrong. Hope to see me only on 29th night.

Sianz

Sigh...just finished mental health. Screwed the last qn. Oh well...have to let go...let go...fuck it's difficult. I'm not the sort of person who can let go easily.
oh well one down...four more to go.
And the outreach thing is getting to me. Everything is.

I thank You for the Day

Today started off rather apprehensively as I had to go to the dentist for a gum infection. I waited almost 2 hrs b4 I was seen cos I didnt have an appointment but the lady asked me to come down and wait. Anyway, seems like I have some other gum problem and will have to go down again. 4th May's my next appointment. The first excitment post-exam. Yipee
Anyway I decided to walk over to Novena Church to pray and hopefully talk to one of the priests. Went there said my prayers, then went to find priest. MIA. Sigh. Decided to walk to the MRT but as I walked past the canteen, I saw a familiar face. She's a girl in my Mental Health class, also one of the Legionaires. Anyway, I decided to go say hi. Turns out both are yr2 social work majors, Catholics, and mugging away at Mental Health when I have not even started (save for chap 1 which I read for my essay). I ended up joining them to revise. It was really pleasant and I learnt that though I may not have talked to some of the ppl in my SW classes, they have talked about my "funny face" b4. How cool is tt! :p Anyway, Adeline seemed super tickled by whatever I said. Sihua was a little more toned down and she didnt even bother humoring me with polite laughter for my lame jokes (Adeline laughed - sorry if you're reading this ;)
Anyway, managed to get Fr in the end - Fr Paul Ke - the duty priest for the day. Had a good (though a little short) conversation with him. Ended up, quite bizzarely, talking about psychological theories and all that. Turns out Fr Ke is a trained and certified Reality Therapist, so I ended up talking about it as I had just read it for my counseling mod. A very nice, pleasant man. I should be making an appointment with him soon. :)
You know, I think today is rather special. I had my dental appointment turn out better than expected. Made two new friends along the way rather serendipitously. Managed to finish 3 powerpoint lects when 3 hrs last night covered only HALF a lecture. And if I had not met Ade n Sihua, I would not have bothered to stay and met with Fr Paul Ke in the end. :)
I'm still having trouble studying but at least I'm happy.
I pray that God helps us all during this period of time, to help us maximise our potential. And IF we do not do well even after our max effort, I pray that God grants these ppl gifts that those who score As dont.
God gives, maybe not in an area you want Him to, but He always gives, in abundance.

Of fireworks and NZ

I saw fireworks in the distance at about 2+am 2 nights ago...it was coming from Malaysia...what's up man...so happening eh???

Anyway on a more serious note, my parents were talking about migration recently. My dad seems pretty serious about it cos he doesnt want to retire (I dont think this word is used correctly in this context) here n he's always wanted to go to NZ. Anyway, my mum used to be relunctant cos my grandparents were ard but things are kinda different now. Anyway, I didnt think much about it till my dad told me: "You know all they need is for someone to work there and bring the rest of the family over!" then the next line..."they are in need of social workers!!"
Great, now I'm supposed to work there and bring the rest of them over?!? anyway, I dismissed it lah. If i were going to NZ to work, why in hell would I be studying so hard now? I shd just quit sch and learn some farming skills which is like what I think i would like to do if i go there. Anyway, I cant imagine life outside of Spore. I'm not the kind of person who like to adapt to new places n all. I hate changes. And I want to stay here, as screwed up as this place may be.

It's been a long time...(again)

I've been so busy these days...don't get enough sleep n all...can't wait for the hols...anyway some thots in me head...

* the wind is blowing freaking hard now...I love it but its getting kinda scary...it's as if something is gonna happen

* I did well for my IT1003 CA (50%) which I praise God for. Unfortunately for me though I made the mod S/U. Worst still, I've NO more S/Us left for honours yr (if I do)

* I finally found out Harbourfront Girl's name, thanks to CY :)

* Sigh...just feel sianz...

It's real cold now...think I'll go zzZZ

Counseling Proj - Structural Family Therapy

Our blood and sweat...good times...stressful times...good memories...tested frenships...the joy & satisfaction of the product!

Oh NO...

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Actually one sentence makes the whole quiz lose its credibility: Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed - Oh so NOT true

laptop phobic

I think i'm sick of my laptop....staring at the screen...n to be honest I think my laptop is quite sick of me too. At least SOMEthing is mutual.
Just sent out the 55 page manual which I compiled...haha k lah 25 pages was a script n template done by other grp members...heh...but seeing the no. of pages just made me feel better...though I have to admit this is a serious fallacy! the no. of pages don't mean anything! well, i dont know why but as an arts (or rather a social sci) student...I always get that false sense of security seeing the no. of pages that has been churned out regardless of its quality. K enough of technology, I gonna watch tv now...duh~

New Record

I just took a bath. No...it's not the start of a new day but the end of a very long one. I reached home not that long ago, with many thanks to Tock who so graciously volunteered to send me home even before I asked him. He's really such a sweet guy. :)
We started filming for our counseling project slightly b4 7pm in one of the TV rooms in Temasek Hall and ended only after 3am. My goodness, more than 7 hrs of intensive filming. It was really tough for me esp since I can't rem lines properly. Not surprisingly, I had the most no. of NGs, was the only one who had to have the script with me throughout the session and also I kept looking at the scrip while filming. It was so difficult to start filming cos I kept bursting out laughing but after a few tries, it got better. Think that the others - Jianting, Chunyat, Liling & Fareez - are damn pro actors and Fareez did hell of a job with managing the 2 video cameras and breaking up the sessions into scenes. It also made me realise WHY actors were paid so much - it's so DAMN difficult! I felt quite bad holding the others back but I thank all of them for their patience. haha I'm not so much a therapist heh? It was quite funny looking back to the NGs and all...haha luckily I was sitting on my side otherwise sure can see my stomach quipped ahbao. Filming also made me jealous how round my head and how BIG my thighs are. Sigh.
anyway, we went for supper at Fong Seng first and it was gd just sitting around and talking cock. This is definitely a landmark in my undergrad life thus far; I thot I wouldnt break my record of 3am last sem but this sem I've done one better. But it was worth it. A BIG thanks to my whole grp for the experience. Now for some zzZZ....

My 'wonderful' Week

there're so many thoughts running through my head...I will start with the newest to the oldest...

1. Someone just commended me for my msn nick: Are you a virgin? Say NO to PMSex!

2. Received my first pay check for my Editorial Work...all of 90+bucks...I like Dr Ng, so unlike that fucker TNT who has not paid me a single cent for the work I did during the holidays...don't worry I won't bother about him n will avoid him like the plague!

3. I lost the clip portion while jumping over the fence in the middle of the road. Spent 5 mins searching but couldnt find it. Oblivious to traffic.

4. Had a gd time at CG talking about sexuality. Had gd company for dinner too :) n of cos Greg on the train. ;) one observation - Jon is DAMN observant!! man!! you shd know what u r talking about man.

5. Most of this week had been spent doing up the STUPID FUCKING ridiculous website for my IT1001 mod. It's so FREAKING irritating. I wish I could destroy all the DAMN computers in the world!! At least it's up.

A BIG THANK YOU to these people:

* Alan: for helping us out with anchoring etc. yesterday
* Greg: for helping me with changing of format to jpg etc.
* Wayne: for helping us solve the link problem
* Xinhui: for cheering me up and buffing my nail!
* all my 3 grp members - andrea, susan, lena: for putting up with my nonsense n SUPER loads of vulgarities...

you guys really made a difference...thanks!

I'll end off with an excerpt from the writing that I wrote during my Mental Health class when I felt so heavy and that I was gonna break down:

I must be thankful though of the friends I have around me such as those at the CSS corner, Wayne n Xinhui in particular, whose presence made me feel better and help me back off, away from the edge, the edge that O thought I was gonna fall off from today.

Quote for the day??

Heard this during Fr Peter's sermon: There's something strange about Joy - it doesnt depend on the external.
In the end, I kept thinking about this line that I ignored the rest of his sermon.
Is the statement is true, then I think people who don't feel joy might have larger deeper issues.
I'm no exception.

Numa Numa Dance

hey all really can't sleep!! man i got a meeting in sch at noon! arg!

anyway ripped this off yasmine's blog and thot it was quite funny...n also...the techno music that I like...do check it out...quite funny...n kester....eat your heart out! :P

The Numa Numa Dance

great end to a torrid week...

This week has been torrid. I had only 4 hrs of sleep for 3 nights in a row, having to wake up at 6am from tues-fri to go to sch early. It may sound normal to u guys but I've been so used to 8 hrs of sleep I really couldnt take it. Was so busy with stuff...essays...n I dunno what that I could only sleep at 2+am...I really felt like shit almost everyday when I was in sch. Somehow I managed to include a movie in it. heh.
Do you know that ppl who are depressed don't commit suicide when they're at their lowest, but when they are recovering. This is due to the extreme lack of energy when they're at their lowest. Realised how true it might be with the analoguous situation of my deprived sleep. During the mornings that I was so tired (4hrs of sleep) I was calm in my dad's car...not bothering with screwed up drivers who cut lanes or road hog. The morn when I had more sleep, I was back to my normal lousy driving cursing. heh. I felt it was similar to what I learnt during ab psych. The low made me apathetic to what was going on around me. I don't know if this makes sense to you.

Anyway, today was much better. I felt our grp discussion wasnt really focused (no thanks to me) but then the filming was fun. Actually used my army helmet n top in sch to film a "trench" scene. It shd be quite funny. heh. Fareez does GREAT videos!! haha n ya man I think we do look alike. heh.

*added in* I forgot to mention about my stupid lectuer...TNT...tt bugger....it's like I told him that I can't commit the time n all that to do research work for him so he asked me when my exams ended n that we'll do work after my exams then he ended off by telling me to submit a report in 2 weeks time!!! I'm so frustrated!! he has this way of manipulating people and situations!! I'm so irritated n pissed!! sigh.

Anyway I had my NJ class 98S18 class reunion today...felt gd to meet up again...esp since I've not seen some of them for so long...met Kaifeng n Sumin in sch b4 heading down to Centrepoint to meet Kaixun, Peiyi, Saihim, Junkang, Lishan, Hanhui, Tim, and then we headed for Sumin's place. Weijie joined us later...we had pizza for dinner n just sat down to talk...was a bit weird at first...silence n all (I'm ok with silence actually) but junkang n xunzi was the entertainment...with junkang telling us his 'lifestory' in NTU. heh. it's really nice catching up with them...here's some interesting facts about my classmates:

Weijie: He went for Lasik costing $5k but got $1k discount cos his mum knows the nurse who know the doc. heh. then the procedure quite scary man. You can see the whole thing! then they will say, dont be scared when this sharp thing goes towards ur eye...then u can see the lasar n all cutting...then the doc said there's a lot of blood....man...then cos they cut ur cornea u cant scratch it for 2 weeks or it will just slide off...man...but now weijie has almost perfect eyesight!

Lishan: she's working on ships making training videos...had to spend 26 days on the ship (including xmas!!) with nothing to do cos she didnt expect to be away so long!! no internet connection, no phone, no books, lousy food, and she said they got excited whenever they saw land!!

Hanhui: she's working as a psychologist now at MOE carrying out assessment tests on sch-going kids n all!!

Peiyi: my social work senior....senior executive at SSTI (Social Services Training Institute) and she had to leave early cos she has to work tomolo, sunday, mon n tues...she asked me to reconsider sw. heh.

Kaixun & Saihim: the only ppl I know who finished their FYP more than 1 week ahead of schedule!! and they both got jobs liaoz at Deloitte & Touche and Ernst & Young respectively.

Sigh. We're old....only me kaifeng n weijie are still studying for another year. heh.

went to play pool when the others left....was playing with much luck the first 2 games then in the 3rd game I went to pot the black ball with a damn nice shot when I had one more striped ball left!!! I didnt see it!! arg then the rest were wondering why I was so happy tt i potted the black ball!!! never recovered from tt...Tim is the pool champ...heh Cindy joined us then.

Cindy: She works in a semi-conductor company drawing a salary of $3-4k a month...with a cap set to S$7200 after over-time!!!!! beat that man!! haha she really got weijie excited!

after pool we had supper at meridian kopitiam...not bad just catching up...then shared cab back.

I must say that I really enjoyed seeing my NJ classmates again. Writing this and listening to Running by No Doubt made me wanna tear jus now...don't know why but felt so nostalgic!! I miss you 98S18!! miss you lots... :)

$1,000,000 Baby

WARNING: Spoiler ahead. Stop if you are gonna watch the movie. But I don't think it's worth it.

Rating: 3.5/5

When you watch a movie that has won the Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress and Best Supporting Actor Oscars, I think that it's fair that I expected a bit more. Nevermind that Wayne spoilt it by telling me that "the boxer dies", it was in my humble opinion, not in the league of Hotel Rwanda. Actually, wayne set me on the wrong track for I had thought Hilary Swank would die in the ring. The movie up to that point was, I admit, quite interesting and pulsating. Like yasmine said, the build-up of Clint & Hilary's relationship was quite well done. However, I started getting bored the moment Hilary hit her head on the stool when she was fell by that Berlin Bitch Cheater Boxer. Sorry if I'm downplaying the scene but it was at that point that I got bored. I wasn't sad. Not the least bit. From that point on, it could have been substituted with The Sea Inside and I wouldn't have known the difference, save for the fact that the latter is in Spanish. Morgan Freeman's acting was rather mediocre by his own high standards and it left me thinking about the other candidates for that Oscar. Clint and Hilary's acting was sublime but I still question the wisdom of the movie receiving the Best Picture and Best Director awards. An OK movie overall, but if you're expecting a classic or a masterpiece, don't hold your breath.

oOpS...I did it again...

btw, I hate Britney.

I wanted to go to sch to start on my readings for this semester. Yes, start. I made 2 mods S/U - my two IT mods. Not that it comforts me a whole lot but at least I know I can afford to screw up and that I can spend more time catching on my 3 social work core mods. However, I went to bed at 2+am last night but I tossed and turned and was unable to sleep till about 4+am. I only managed to wake up at 630am and as I didn't want to keep my sis n dad waiting, I let them rush off. I decided to sleep for another 2 hrs but ended up waking up past noon. I can just NEVER get enough sleep!! You might say that I slept so much cos I was tired but then I had a 6hr afternoon nap yest and that night I slept 6+ hrs too! Man...I did it again. It seems that two of my frens are in similar situations. I think the three of us might be severely burntout. Sigh. hang in there man, it's a few weeks more and then more than 12 weeks of holidays!!

Man...there's so much to do. heh. Just hope I can finish them all.

Confusion

What I've felt
What I've known
Turn the pages
Turn the stone
Behind the door
Should I open it for you?

Anyone knows this song? :)

there're so many thoughts racing through my mind...feel don't think! but screw feeling...it always gets u into trouble...it always gets u hurt! Rationalize! Tt's the defensive mechanism I feel I use to protect myself. It usu works though so why not? Anyway, the editorial work has made me so tired...gonna zzZZ now...

Judging...

I first judging I wanna talk about is Judging Amy...it's a great show that I've been catching recently...A mother who's a Social Worker and her daughter who's a Judge. Today's episode was great. Amy actually had to use her power as a judge to teh~ her mother cos her mother didnt wanna allow her to cross-examine this guy who was gonna die...then there was this mother-daughter confrontation...very emotional...both guided by the values indoctrinated by their respective professions...really quite moving as well...must catch it if u have time...def better than Desperate Housewives n all those similar genre kind of flicks...

-taken out-
I'm sorry.

There's so much to say...

but I found somewhere else to say it. Every single word...w/o censorship...my true and innermost feelings. That's the problem when you know others are reading this...u can't say everything that's in your heart - the hurt, the disappointment, your innermost thoughts/feelings.
Friday was a screwed up day: hp spoil, some fucker banged into me causing me to spill my entire cup of hot milo (I almost pulled him back but my fren CY stopped me)...I wanted to punch his fucking face. Screwed up service at Sony Ericsson service centre. Stupid girl...can't understand simple english and try to screw ard with me. You caught me on a wrong day you bitch.
Games Day: At least I attained my goal of not losing my temper or whacking anyone. Scored my first goal at Games Day. Missed a penalty. Lost the finals 3-2 when leading 2-0. What the fuck were we thinking. Sigh.
Cat Class: Interesting...getting to know Alan and Ed's classes...getting in tune with my own class..
Just lazing around, not doing anything. Something is wrong. I feel lethargic all the time, can never get up in the mornings, never have enough rest (despite 8+ hrs of sleep), no mood to do any work, no discipline, overwhelming pessimistic and sad thoughts, a meaningless existence. I live for the moment. I live for that moment where you smile, laugh, momentary breaks from a meaningless existence. At the end of the day...everything is the same. Nothing changes. Life sucks.