You take the Path of
Least Resistance.
Why make things hard for yourself? You are a
go-with-flow sort of person andlittle gets to you. Why? Because it's all good,
right? They say the path ofleast resistance is a straight line and that's
where you go, ever forward andnever looking back. It's good to keep the past
behind you, a quality far toolittle people have these days. You know the past is
the past, but don't letyourself forget it. You can't learn from your
mistakes if you don't rememberthem. You're probably loved for your laid-back
frame of mind and easy-goingqualities , but you tend take the easy way out in
life and verge on lazy. Greatcharacter is found through great challenges. You
most likely have the abilitiesin you to succeed and over-come what life throws at
you. You just got get up andface that challenge. You tend to lose your head in
bad situations because youaren't used to them. And by the time you've found
the easiest way to master aproblem, you could've already taken care of it. Bad
things happen, difficultsituations come up, that's life. What matters is
that you rise to face thosechallenges and you can do it. Never lose your
laid-back qualities as they willhelp you greatly. Just step onto that hard road
every once in awhile and you'lldiscover that with each stretch it becomes easier
and easier to over-come life'shurdles.

What Path Do You Take In Life? [X]For Guys and Gals! Pics and Lengthy Results.[X]
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so freaking sianz...

I think I asked for it...for oh well might as well complain...
U know I NEVER got A+ for all 50% of my CA before but this sem...my proj grp mates and myself did it....and now I wasted this 50% by screwing up my paper today...I'm so freaking sianz...it like if I know that I'm "around the mean" then its fine but then I know I screwed it up real bad so the very MOST I think I can get is like B+...
1st qn: I didnt really know what they were talking about...so ended up giving stuff totally irrelevant...then only when I was doing the second part did I realise something was wrong buy it was kinda too late to change...f***
2nd qu: dont know why I chose this qn cos I NEVER studied anything to do with cancer and there were so many proj grps that did on cancer then the intervention I came up with my own freaking one...hope its still accepted but then even then there's no theoretical framework for it!!
3rd qn: my supposed 'pet' qn cos I did my attachment at IMH but then not enough time so did everything from memory w/o referring...hope this qn will salvage something at least...
sigh...so freaking sianz!

Past few days...

The past few days have been moving rather slowly and worse...rather unproductively...
Sat ans Sun I covered only 2 chaps of gen bio each day (though I could have done at least 3)...
the gd side of it was that I spent more time talking with me sis and even played badminton with her on mon...then yest was real bad cos I caught the flu and only covered three lect notes...
today was better...k on the phone now...blog again later...

A More +ve Outlook...

Inspired by what someone said on her blog, I shall try to change my blog to be more +ve and less dark...hence the new look...(also couldnt find a nicer one from blogspot...) So I will attempt to share with u guys certain memories in my life thus far lah...prob the interesting or happy ones...like this person said...it will be a happy day if u want it to be!!

My First Crush...(hee hee)...

I rem my first crush was someone in my group during my confirmation camp in 1994 when I was in sec2. She shall be known as C, least someone knows her. Anyway, got to know her and all during the camp and was just attracted lah. It's like prior to that all I could be bothered with girls and would rather play soccer, study, hang out, and do band stuff...till the camp. Never saw her b4 till the camp...prob cos she was in the sat classes...anyway being the cowardly me on the last day, all I managed to get was her address!! (Hey tt already took me a lot of courage lei! somemore if u had seen the hairstyle I had at tt time!! almost as bad as kessy! ;)
So I decided to write her a letter...the exact contents of which fail my memory, though I rem asking her out for a movie...but the best part is my fren, Gerald, and myself decided it was best if we delivered it personally...heh...so we went down to Lor Ah Soo to hand the letter to her...but u see we didnt dare to ring the doorbell so we were walking up and down her door (it was on the ground floor) until her grandmother came out to presumably check on us! haha we left the letter in her mailbox in the end. She actually wrote a reply to me (I was really stunned by this)...I still have the letter...(rem thinking her handwriting was damn nice - our subjective lens probably)...she said she wouldnt mind catching a movie at Lido or something on a particular date...but by the time I got the letter it was like a day away or something and Gerald and myself decided in the end that it was too late to get a reply for her and in the end...we didnt meet up or anything. Somehow I didnt carry on the correspondence.
It was exciting while it lasted. Anyway, the next time I saw her was actually on 156 when I was in NJ...I was sitting in my seat stoning when I noticed this CJ gal looking in my direction (she was sitting on those seats which face everyone in the bus)...then i realised it was C! haha and I was so damn sure she was telling her bf abt me! arg! so embarrassing! ya then since then saw her a few times at St Francis Xavier Church too...
haha k tt's all for now...feel young recalling this...k more next time...ciao~ c",)

*oh ya and I just remembered....Keenan, Sharon, Gary, Carol were all from the same camp and I didnt even rem seeing a single one of them!!! haha hope u guys dont know who I m talking about...heh...*

Eventful Day

I would consider today eventful. Lots of things happening...
Morn woke up to prepare for 230pm paper...I realised why I'm so slack this sem...cos all 4 of my exams are open book exams but contrary to popular belief, you have to study for open-book exams...if u dont read and read there, you're just gonna screw urself up...
went to sch to collect my reports...got 80/100 for my GEK report...wasnt very happy about it at first cos I expected and since the final grade for this mod depends on the report (50%) and my rival got 90!! I dont know why I always lose out to him..bloody life sci guy! haha but he has spurred me on too...just hope I get a gd grade for this mod cos its like a big hope for me this sem...a BIG tHaNk yOu to all 20 guys who made it possible... :-)
then went to collect my sw3202 paper from Dr Ow...still had time to joke with her...but there wasnt a grade for tt paper...just ticks...hmmm n its 30% the exam i took just now was 50% couldnt finish but just see how it goes lor...it was quite funny cos Liz was asking me how come the sw ppl taking the exam were like all so happy b4 the exam...we were laughing n joking whilst our socio counterparts at Eusoff Hall were quite glum...haha...dont know why man...then Mavis could even rem tt we sat beside each other exactly a yr ago for sw2105!! also by the same lecturer! haha...then the exam went by...a little too quickly...
then walked to Heng Mui Keng with Pearlyn cos she stays Kent Ridge...found out then a fren of ours had a breakdown and wont be taking her exams this sem...do pray for her. Reminded me of the 'breakdown' I had yr2 sem1...dont think I told u guys...only Yas knew cos I sms her to ask her to pray for me...it was b4 my social psych paper and I was just like crying n crying at home alone...sigh~ it was a really bad feeling...I just couldnt study no matter what...then during the exam itself I paniced too cos I didnt expect the compulsory qn to come out on Altruism...rem someone saying b4 the exam tt it never come out b4 so I didnt bother looking thru again...heh...so guys do take care ya...dont like let these exam stuff get to u too much...it's an experience I hope i never get to experience again.

Went Seah Im for my fav teh~ then took the train back.
It was indeed a very interesting ride. Firstly, there was this bunch of kids who were from a special sch...and they took a portion of the train then there was this guy who I think was ID (Intellectually Disabled) grunting quite loudly...there were a lot of ppl staring at them...I mean what's up man...why are Singaporeans so rude? Cant they leave these ppl alone? I mean to observe awhile is fine but to stare the whole damn journey?? I tried staring at those ppl but they were too engrossed. The special ppl I saw in the train just reminded me how much love they need and it saddens me to think that there are many more out there who dont get it. I myself cant say I can really reach out to these ppl...esp during yr1 went we went to the Spore Spastic Asso near Markli's place...was quite saddening...
anyway on a brighter note...there was this cute little boy who reached out to grab me...haha...he was so damn cute! really made my day!
And I realised this is the 1st sem I didnt get a 'gd luck' sms from chunky mark!! arg! miss ya man...heh...hope you're having fun...
k gonna end here...one full week to my next paper...hope I can get some work done...God bless one n all...

Happy Brithday Margaret...

I wanted to go down to visit her with a packet of Super 3-in-1 coffee but in the end I didnt...cos I felt I shd stay home to study. Not tt I covered much. I dont know why I had it written down on my calender...but I have decided to visit her after my exams...gonna make the effort...sometimes I feel that I dont have the right priorities in life.
Abt studies...dont seem to be able to do much...my exam is on fri and here I m covering the readings for the very first time with so much more to go...n there's like no stress...some would call it calmness...otherwise bochapness...u decide which describes me...I dont want to whine here cos I know most of u will prob say..."here he goes again..." I hope what you guys say is true.

"He loves each one of us as if there were only one of us." This was given to me by Jamie...a girl in my cat class...man I'm a sucker for such stuff...I love them all!!!

To all those...

who have been with me in sch,
to those who read my blog,
to those who leave ur much appreciated comments,
to those who keep in touch with me,
to those who I will rem always,
to those who have been praying for me,
I love you guys...take care.

disappointed...

I just got feedback on a presention...my proj gro got 2 excellents and 3 goods...
it may seem gd to u guys but I know one grp got 5 excellents....so....
n the thing is 20%....sigh...
anyway....300% of CAs down...200% of exams to go...

My Godson, Aaron and me...to view the other photos you guys can check out: http://community.webshots.com/user/nick_net_toe

A Phone Call

I just got off my hp after a conversation tt lasted more than 1.5hrs. This may not be amazing to many but for a person who has talked to very few ppl from NUS on the phone (can be counted with one hand) and who has recently withdrawn from most of society, I would think it quite remarkable.
D called me to ask abt a paper tt we have due but we ended up sharing with each other about how screwed up this sem is. I kinda shared with her everything I felt and went thru this sem,which surprisingly I've not really done with anyone else. As I recall what happened, what was said, what I went thru and what I felt, couldnt help but relive some of those emotions and feelings. starting feeling sad for awhile. sigh.
She's having issues too and I hope she gets better, esp her health.

I don't know why but I've really withdrawn into a shell this sem. I rather be alone. I want to be by myself. I will eat dinner by myself at Seah Im hawker centre with my fav hokkien mee and 2 teh-tariks. I will walk ard aimlessly, thinking. I will wish I had another life, somewhere else more carefree. With a different script to follow.

But I'm stuck here. I don't like who I am. But I can't change that. I wish I looked different...may be like Julian...but I can't. I seem so alone. but is it in my mind? anyone else seems to have someone else. (I named a few names but I decided better not to)...those tt i m close to have others' in their lives or r no longer in NUS...what's the pt of being a swinging bachelor when you're swinging by urself? I realised I've not really gotten to know many ppl since yr2...am I keep feeling unable to maintain frenships anymore.

As the soothing night wind carresses my face,
my eyes are struggling to keep awake.
I think back to those happy days,
when things were fine and time again,
we would meet for lunch in the arts canteen.
You came to find me once in the lib,
we watched Happy Tree Friends till our next appt.
You were fun to be with,
someone I could be myself with,
someone who I would listen to,
and sometimes you would listen too.
Slowly but surely I would soon find,
that I had made the worse decision of my life,
to fall for someone tt was a fren,
for now she's gone, but a distant memory.
It's not tt she's avoiding me,
I don't know what's best to do.
The words she used had hurt me so,
even now I can't let go.
Sometimes when I see things,
they just seem perfect to be hers,
but I know I shdnt be buying things,
for doing so would mean I can't let go.
I normally would pray for deliverance,
but I dont buy tt shit anymore.
There's a lot of things inside me,
none of which you would wanna see,
but pls still say hi and you're my fren,
for the person tt you know me as is slowly slipping away,
And I hope that he comes back one day,
till then adios my frens,
fare-de-well to thee!

Memories...and a sharing...

Some memories came back to me today...

1. Just about a year ago I attended a funeral. It's always disturbing to attend a funeral of someone younger than you. Though I didnt know her personally, it still struck me. She was my fren's sis. I rem the day in tutorial when we were having discussion, when I saw J looking at me...then I smiled but there wasnt a response from her. Then I waved and realised that she was just staring blankly into space...so happened to be in my direction. After class I asked whether she was ok. She just shrug her shoulders. Her frens' non-verbals told me I shdnt probe. A few days later I got an sms asking those who could to attend her sis and cousin's funeral. Only then did it strike me that her sis and cousin were the ones I had read about in the newspaper. They had passed away in a car accident in Australia. The funeral service was sad. Sigh. Made me think a lot abt life. And I kept plaing scenarios of my own loved ones dying. Man...oh well...a year on...I see my fren once in awhile in sch...I wonder if she has gotten over it. I dont think we ever get over such stuff.

2. I flipped my calender a few days back and what I saw surprised me. On it I had the birthday of a lady I met at Chesire Home. CSS ppl went there for comm service during Lent. I dont know how come I know her bday or even wrote it down. The best part is tt once I saw the date I know what I intended to get her - a packet a 3-in-1 Super coffee...she loves coffee but I dont know whether I will go down there on the 15th...shd I? I dont know.

Something to share:
I read it in my gen bio text today...shows how screwed up US is. haha...quite funny to me lah. Its abt the red wolf, the grey wolf and the coyote. U see the population of red wolves was getting so bad that they were going extinct so the conservation ppl in US wanted to conserve this animal, listed it as an endangered animal and all lah. This govt scientist analyzed the skulls of the three animals and concluded that the grey wolf and the coyote prob evolved from the red wolf as the red wolf had skull structures that were in between the other 2 animals. So the US ended up spending about US$1million a year from 1980 conserving the red wolf. Then years later, someone challenged the hypothesis and stated that the red wolf was in fact not a species in itself but a hybrid of the grey wolf and coyote. The govt scientists scoffed at this and another scientist decided to confirm this by running test on DNA n stuff. Guess what they found? Well the red wolf is a hybrid of the grey wolf and coyote as it contains DNA from both but no unique DNA of its own! haha so the bloody US had been pumping money into conserving red wolves when they could actually occur naturally. And they even prevented the red wolves from mating with the other 2 species for fear of 'contaminating' the species. SO the red wolf is not a species on its own. BUT due to political reasons, they decided to carry on funding for red wolf conservation as they dismissed the DNA evidence and made a law stating that as long as the endangered species looks like the 'pure form' they would continue spending money on it. So they still consider the red wolf a species on its own. stupid a**holes. hahahah...do u know how much money they spend...for nothing??

k tt's all for now...will be blogging again soon...ciao~

Things that I've learnt...

there's so many things I learnt this week about stuff and about myself...
1. from today's Simpsons episode: I watched this episode b4...the one where Maude, Flaunder's wife, dies. Flaunder has to get over the sudden death of his wife and the unthinkable actually happens...he blamed God and stopped going to church...for all of 30 mins tt is cos the next thing u see is him doing after blaming God n declaring tt he wont go to church is him speeding there...I rem being moved by this episode...effect not as great this time...cos it bines with tannine or something in the tea to de-generate it or something...basically its better tt way...didnt know tannine was tt bad for us...

2. learnt from gen bio lect today tt u shd add milk to your tea cos it bines with tannine or something in the tea to de-generate it or something...basically its better tt way...didnt know tannine was tt bad...n did u know tt ppl use stuff like caffeine to kills herbivous?? its like an insecticide...n ppl r downing so much caffeine a day!

3. something about myself: Last fri i was in sch till 1+ sat till 2+ then sunday night 3+ reached home 4+ woke up at 6+ had a presentation at 8+am...I realise how I suck at handling stress/pressure...realised how bad a leader I was...how I couldnt really involve those who wanted to, then I casually excluded another cos I knew she wasnt interested so I didnt even bother trying to get her down for stuff...then those tt were there were those closer to me...and I kinda pissed some of them off...maybe not there n then...I really couldnt take those nights when the work didnt seem to end or rather couldnt seem to finish...then on Mon when all of us lacked sleep and we had 2 presentations, it was so easy to get irritated...sigh...remains me of my army days when I was this bastard whenever I lacked sleep...just ask my trench-digging buddy...he got the brunt of it...n thanks to me his blank attachment got stolen...(haha but I stole the sergeant's one back)...
anyway just hope tt i coordinate things better, not piss ppl off, and possibly try to include everyone in grp work...sometimes I dont trust certain ppl...sometimes I dont want to inconvenience others...oh well...something I gotta work on...

Forum

Hi all...I'm finalising details for my proj now...then preparing presentation which is like 20%...die man dont know if i can wake up at 6am tomolo...presenting from 8am-11am...dont know when...sigh...oh well...left presentation...hate sch...arg! hope i dont buang on way home...o/w my proj grp mates will really die..k gtg...here's to the night...f***

AS6

here I m now at AS6 dept in sch...outside LT15 to be specific...trying to do my proj which seems to be progressing at snail's pace...what appeared so promising a few days ago is now a nightmare. Can't seem to be able to come out with a proper framework...I mean we are only students...if we could come out with our own theories and frameworks I guess I would apply for his job and get him kicked out?!?! oh well...still in sch...tomolo is another long day...hope it turns out fine...

Arg!

freakin' hell..I lost my Cat class kids' Godparents contacts and their confirmation names...ironically cos I cleared out my table and prob threw it away! so much for being tidy.
Now i dont know who i called, dont have some contacts and have to get all the names again. so irritating.
felt a little guilty jus now for not telling my CGLs tt i wasnt gg for CG...it has become so ingrained in me NOT to attend tt I completely forgot abt it till like 8+? sigh. no guilt abt not attending though...just for now informing karen or reggie....
still feeling agitated still feeling stressed
can somebody whip my candy ass!

hai~ pathetic attempt at poetry.

Cortisol Levels High

The hormone cortisol, which is released in the body during stressed or agitated states, is also known as the so-called "stress hormone." Cortisol is a steroid hormone made in the adrenal glands, which are small glands adjacent to the kidneys. Cortisol secretion increases in response to any stress in the body, whether physical (such as illness, trauma, surgery, or temperature extremes) or psychological. When cortisol is secreted, it causes a breakdown of muscle protein, leading to release of amino acids (the "building blocks" of protein) into the bloodstream. These amino acids are then used by the liver to synthesize glucose for energy, in a process called gluconeogenesis. This process raises the blood sugar level so the brain will have more glucose for energy. At the same time the other tissues of the body decrease their use of glucose as fuel. Cortisol also leads to the release of so-called fatty acids, an energy source from fat cells, for use by the muscles. Taken together, these energy-directing processes prepare the individual to deal with stressors and ensure that the brain receives adequate energy sources.

According to the following I guess it was good that I had high cortisol levels during this weekend.
Today I really got off on the wrong side of bed and I was mean to almost everyone I saw, including my cat class, sis n family. Was so stressed. Guess I'm like the man who got screwed by the boss and came home to kick to dog. Displacement I believe it is called. Things got much better after my afternoon nap. So here I m...alive and wanting to kick something.

Thank you...

for all those who said a prayer for my sis. She's fine though her mouth is kinda stiched up n she has a gold chain connected to one of her tooth thru the gums...they're gonna pull it down a bit every month. My sis is a brave gal...she's been in and out of hospital since 3 cos of asthma...n she's proudly showing off her 4 extracted teeth whilst me n my bro cringe at their sight.

Thanks also to all those who have been left your words on my blog...means a lot to me. Been feeling alone recently. Can't even get a dinner kaki...a anything kaki...I realise I tend to be ard for ppl but its not reciprocated. I have a few gd frens but they really have their own lives n at least ONE person they can count on. I don't seem to have any such ONE person anymore. Sucks.

Request...

My sis will be going for a minor op tomolo...to remove a tooth that is near her nose...its quite near the sinus n she will be under GA. Pls say a little prayer for her ya? Can't help worrying for her though its supposed to be nothing serious. But still not local anaetesia lor...its GA! have to be at NUH by 730 tomolo morn...k thanks one n all.

I think this is a little extreme!!!

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.
Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,
source:ca80.lehman.cuny.edu/.../
images/fallen_angel.jpg

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
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