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It's been some time since I last blogged but recent events probably would have warranted some writing. I guess, some things are better left unsaid; when not made tangible, some things you forget. Maybe. Maybe not.

Work has been pretty busy but I guess since I'm close to a decision now, I'm not too concerned about worrying about what ppl will think about me when I leave on time at 5pm. I'm not so concerned about the report I'm writing cos (1) it's not graded, (2) though I'm writing every last word of it, I doubt my name will appear as the author anyway. I mean tt's why I'm paid to do some Dr's shit work right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or cheesed off about work. In fact, though there is def stress, I'm liberated in a sense. I'm on my own schedule and work rather independently, without much interference from "superiors". Regarding career, I seriously know what I should do since I want direct practice experience, but sometimes the obvious is also the hardest decision. I mean, there's so much to give up. I was looking, really looking at my office today and realised that no where else was I gonna get such a big private space with shelves, cupboards & even a BIG board to put up pics, photos, newspaper articles and whatever I want. I will miss the interaction with my friends in CSS, the social work students and the sw staff (most of them anyway). I'm comfortable. But truth be told, I don't like what I'm doing at all. It'll be fine if I were ok with brainless stuff (ok, some bits require brain) but I hate admin and I feel as if my main job scope is that of a secretary. It's much better now cos I'm busy coordinating 80 student RA (research assistants) and liaising a lot with some govt agencies, but I think I need the interaction with clients. I hope I get a reply soon and resolve all issues. But even if I don't get what I have applied for, I think leaving should still be the route to take. The problem now is how I'm gonna tell the Head cos he's just such a nice guy that I would feel as if I was letting him down or even betraying him. But this is what I've got to do.

On another matter, I've been thinking seriously about something. I guess my answer comes in Matt19:26 - With men this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. And I even have two testimonies to prove this point. I guess at the end of the day, I have to decide whether this is it and if I should take the plunge and make myself vulnerable in order to seek happiness. It's amazing how things could have turned out this way. I mean, it was accidental. I never intended it and it just happened. But with knowledge, ignorance is stripped away. And when ignorance is stripped away, you're changed forever - perception, thinking, emotions - and you can't return to your prior state and pretend you don't know. And with that comes decisions. I think I will take some time to discern. To think, reflect. I'm sure God will guide me. One thing I'm glad for is that this time, when i felt I was gonna "free fall", I pulled myself together and turned to God, who always provides. Thank you to the instruments of His that helped me through this week. You know who you are. Thank you & God bless.