Been thinking a lot recently. What's new? Let's pen (or digitise) some of them...
MarkG asked me a very poignant question yesterday which kinda caught me off guard - Are you happy? I thought about it for a while and we decided that I was not happy, but not unhappy. Get it? I don't know why, but been frowning more till it has become my "neutral" look, i.e. the look you see when I'm stoning or not really doing anything. To begin with, I don't think I had a friendly "neutral" look. Oh well...back to the question on happiness...I would say I live for the moments of happiness but in between, there're nothing really to look forward to or be happy about. I won't blame it solely on work but it does play a part I guess. But after MarkG asked that question, I've still been pondering it and thinking of how I can make myself happy. Maybe I should really read the book - Authentic Happiness - by Martin Seligman (those who took psych will know him as the guy who coined the term "learned helplessness"). I bought it for my thesis and read bits here and there but maybe a more thorough read is warranted. I doubt I can find happiness in a book though. I mean, if it were that simple, would we still need prozac and other anti-depressants? Would ppl still be depressed?
Talking about books, I've been reading A million little pieces, by James Frey. It's basically the story of this guy's struggle with alcohol & drugs. Some of you may have heard about the controvesy of him lying about some parts of his life but that doesn't bother me. I find his pain very real and vividly described although I do question whether he exaggerates. It also got me thinking. If you were to ask me what the world's biggest problem is, I wouldn't tell you it's War, Terrorism, AIDS, global warming, etc. I'll say it's loneliness.
I think that loneliness is a very big but under-rated problem. The fact that it may lay hidden without being discovered worsen the situation. James expressed this same loneliness that transcends being close to another woman or even sex. I see this loneliness among many teens, even though they're always hanging out with their friends. I guess you will only really know when you lie in bed before falling asleep; do you feel alone then? Do you feel lonely, like you're the only one around; that no one else is thinking of you at that very moment? I rem reading this book, Metamorphosis, after my A levels and found it disturbing. If I rem it right, it's basically this guy who lies in bed cos he has turned into a fly and is dying, which describes his alienation from everyone & everything. In retrospect, how many ppl in this world feel the same? I think it may be a bigger problem in Singapore because we're not encouraged to find ourselves first, unlike in the angmoh countries. We're introducted into the pre-fabricated system at a tender age of what, 4? And then we begin our time in the educational production line - nursery (which I didn't go for thankfully), kindergarden, pri sch, sec sch, jc, uni. Don't know what you wanna do in life? Nevermind, just study hard first, keep your options open. Bury yourself in work, studies, CCAs, work, church, whatever to escape the inevitable question of what you wanna do. Who are you? I don't know; just study first, you'll find out later. Yeah, right. Born into the system; die in it. Without ever knowing yourself. Sad. Do you know yourself? Strip away your roles - student, employee, employer, father/mother, son/daughter, brother/sister, friend - and tell me who are you? The problem with defining yourself with roles is when these roles are taken away, do you lose your identity. Do you stop being who you thought you were?
Watched Singapore Dreaming on Monday and found it quite good. At least I gained another perspective from it. Most of those who caught it found it slow-moving and a little boring, but for me, it reflected Singaporean reality pretty well. For me, it made me conscious of my "biased sample" of friends who are mostly undergraduates or graduates. Thus, I fail to see the struggles of those who don't have that "piece of paper" and the resultant inherent struggles. Just found the movie surprisingly depressing though; something virtually unheard of in local films. Interesting. I'm sure it reflects some part of reality here. A good attempt Mr W0ffles WU!
K that's all for now. Stay tuned for updates from the speck of dust.
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4 comments:
i think it's great that you think about happiness; it's simple, yet difficult to have. when we look at our lives, what matters most of all? i guess having happiness (or joy) would be right up there.
i identify with loneliness, and it's something i face at times. i've not yet blogged about it, but it's to do with the friends i have and the ones to come. [more about that next time.] i empathise with you, but i know i won't fully understand. just like you won't fully understand. we make do lah. i hear you man.
a million little pieces, despite the controversy around it, remains a superbly touching, powerful book. i love it. i hope you'll find something in there too!
ok that's all for now! i may have written too much, but that's too bad. :) take care dude!
Mother Teresa once told a journalist: "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."
A simple but profound observation, a point of view that appears to have no relevance in today's materialistic world and yet it is the truth that the world refuses to acknowledge. You are right to say that our roles do not define who we are as 'human beings'. Indeed, this is the problem with Singapore society where our education system continues to indoctrinate our nation's youth with the twin ideologies of pragmatism and utilitarianism. From young, we are all categorized into pre-determined roles by streaming. We are taught that no one owes us a living and that we must struggle and fight for survival. Speed and efficiency is the key and pragmatism becomes the cornerstone of our national ideology. The utilitarian logic is a natural outgrowth but it is most dangerous to allow this to grow in the hearts and minds of our youths.
Being utilitarian means that individuals strive to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. Thus are all decisions made with this logic. The problem emerges when our teenagers are bombarded by a deluge of media products that promote extreme consumerism and materialism. When education should provide a ballast to help resist these negative influences, it invariably does not because it emphasizes a "values-free" education. Morality and ethics are relegated to a civics class. The arts and social sciences, where students would have been exposed to the study of the human condition, is considered inferior to the hard sciences. Thus so many become good engineers and scientists but are not grounded in a proper understanding of what makes us human. The overarching utilitarian logic is emphasized by our over-reliance on results over substance. What does it matter if we don't learn anything so long as we can achieve the grades.
The end result is unmistakeable. Labor has been commodified in the sense that from childbirth to adulthood, Singaporeans are a constructed entity fitted to the purpose of contributing to the economy. What makes it worse is that there is very little autonomy in how we decide to run our lives and chart our future. Without this freedom that grows from being able to do this, we are thrown into the working world never having discovered ourselves, who we are as individuals and as part of society.
I believe the loneliness that Mother Teresa spoke of is the trademark of the modern condition. Humanity feels alienated because we lose sight of the meaning and purpose of life when we are all engulfed in the flood of work, work and more work. And work is primarily important because it allows us to consume more and buy more. Loneliness sets in when the progressive logic of globalized capitalism ensures that many are left behind.
I have written far too much. We should meet up soon for teh alia and prata. There is much to say but so little time and space to say it. :)
(PS: I have just watched the movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. Thanks to your past recommendation otherwise I would never have caught this movie. Loneliness, love and above all the notion of remembrance is beautifully captured. I enjoyed it very much, Maybe you should rewatch it again.)
Mark C
very reflective post.. i fell in love with the book by James Frey too... Netto! I will keep u in my prayers! take care ok? *hugs* :)
hey guys,
so nice to hear from you! Wayno, thanks for being my friend really and the tips you gave me for Fri. Helped a lot :) meet up soon; not free on Fri anymore?
MarkC, been wanting to meet up. Will try to work out something this week I guess and yes, a lot you said, prob have to talk about in person. MarkC, you never fail to impress me with your eloquence and intellect; really think that you're suited for academia and will succeed. But maybe that's something for the future! :) And of cos la, the movie's great! haha, I watched it AGAIN not TOO long ago, so maybe a little later!
Ade, so long no see! How come I seldom bump into you in sch. Anyway, we should meet up soon also, if not just for a cup of tea at the arts corner, before it closes for good. And thanks for your prayers Ade! Really appreciate it gal! You're so full of love! :)
Cya all soon. God bless!
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