It's amazing how much emotions I allow myself although I'm swarmed with work. It's as if God has blessed me with this gift of being able to feel a million emotions at once. The problem being my inability to comprehend, let alone the ability to control or regulate them.
As I was settling some admin stuff for my Cat Class this year, I just couldn't help but feel melancholic. I'm coming to the end of a journey. A journey that I really enjoyed. A bunch of people that I've come to love. And get upset over when I feel I haven't done enough. It actually pains me to have to say goodbye. Things will never be the same. People always say we can keep in touch. But it never really is the same. I really can't curb this pessimistic side of me that all too often builds up speed only for it to brake suddenly and the ensuing momentum propelling me through a windscreen till I hit the ground, hard, feeling the pain scorching through every orifice of my body.
Why do I feel so sad I ask myself. Rather, how can I swing so quickly from one emotion to another like a manic-depressive person? Whatever. I just want this moment to last forever but I know I can't. It's about letting go again. I remember this feeling last yr but somehow it wasn't this strong. I wasn't as close. Not like this bunch.
Something tt saddens me though is one of my teens who won't be 'graduating'. His brother seems to be affected as well. I don't know. Maybe I didn't do enough. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe.
I just know that once end of year comes, I will have lost a bunch of kids I truely love.
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1 comment:
Hey Netto...well, what u just said kinda rings a bell...i felt sthg similar when my kids were gonna get confirmed too.
But I think...it's time for them to grow up and venture out on their own...pple move in and out of our lives, and sometimes we see them again,sometimes we don't. But just be glad tt we were able to make a difference somewhere, somehow :)
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