Reflections...

I'm sitting in the arts corner at 'The Deck' by myself...enjoying the scenary (the construction is finally over!)...and I think back to the days when I was a freshie and sitting here with a gd fren. I miss that. I miss him.
I don't know whether some of you have noticed but I've become more quiet and reserved these few months. I don't think its specific to certain groups of people but to everyone. I don't like to hang out in big groups, preferring to meet up with small grps of people. I feel that you don't really get to know others in big groups and also I don't know, I just don't really like big groups. I'm still fine with it though and like recently when I didn't want to be a spoilt-spot when asked I just joined in and immersed myself with the games and all. In a way, I've become a big-grp recluse. Though I still very much welcome going out with smaller groups of people. Recently, I've bumped into ppl that I recognise on the streets and the instintive thing I do is to hide and hope they don't see me. To be fair, I'm not really close to these people, and I tell myself if it were a gd fren I would acknowledge them, but I really don't know. Sometimes I don't know what to say to others. My collegues at IMH have realised that I tend to keep to myself during lunch and not really talk much. Social deterioration? I don't know.
I'm hoping to go for this silent retreat that Joel has told me about. I think I need some time out to think and reflect about my life and where I'm heading and also how my life has been. Existenial Factors. I guess my attachment at IMH has helped me to be more certain about what area I might go into. All these while, I know I wanted to do social work but was clueless as to which area IN social work I wanted to do. I now seem more inclined towards mental health but you never know where the whirlwinds of fate bring you.
I need time to reflect whether I've really grown after coming into NUS. I believe I have but as a person and as a Christian I seem to have deteriorated in some aspects to. I don't know. I'm just glad that my friends are nice and accepting and they take me as I am, imperfections and all. I guess all of us are not perfect but some more than others. I'm lucky to have so many friends who place God in the center of their lives so that I rem Him everyday. :)
Yest I had a gd time at Andrea's place. We had a gathering (the last!) for all the CGLs that have graduated from this batch. It was good company and I must really thank all the CGLCs for all the effort they had put in, not just for this session but for the past year. Really felt quite guilty that I had taken so many of their gatherings for granted (esp when it was in sch). I had many struggles during my term as a CGL and there were periods when it got really bad but somehow with His strength our cg managed to pull thru. I can't really rem the details. You know how after some time you forget the reasons but rem the emotion and how it felt? It's something like that. That's why some of us rem wrongly how things went or can't rem why we felt tt way.
*end of reflection*
Anyway...some things tt i want to mention off my head...
My tuition kid said that he hopes he can pass his oral which I feel is quite gd. So I assume that he didn't have some nervous break-down and couldn't speak. Thanks for the prayers.
A little stoned now...will blog some other time. Love ya all ppl...God bless...