Bangkok & soon-to-be Egypt

I havent been in the mood to blog. Although life has been beautiful. This week however, things seem to make me feel down, but as always there are ppl to bring me up :D

I liked the Bangkok trip a lot. I don't think I got to buy as much things as I thought I would but then the company was excellent. I also liked learning more about a culture, about the ppl, n just being in another country. I rem something tt struck me quite a bit. Actually it's a comment from Aaron when we came back. He said, "Don't you find it funny going there with 2 couples?" Actually he had a point cos I have never liked being in the midst of couples but I realised that this trip I had successfully mingled! I think it helps who the ppl are and I'm glad all of them were so nice...we looked after each other, which was great. There're a few pics tt I particularly liked but I'm too lazy to post them here...maybe soon...anyway, I realised during the trip that I can be dangerous when I'm alone. Dangerous in the sense that I think too much for my own good. I don't know why but I seem to have an ingrained thinking mechanism that kicks in when I'm alone & can't sleep. The first night wasn't too bad cos I could talk a bit till I sleep. I guess it's also a little like what Brian said about msn...tt sometimes you just wanna logon not to chat, but just to know that there are ppl ard you. Maybe it was the same. It's kinda different sleeping alone la. But it was ok. I mean I have my own room at home so...

I don't know why but I feel sad everytime I listen to the mp3s that I have. Must admit that my collection is limited after my last laptop crashed...so I only managed to d/l a few. All the songs however just make me feel sad when I listen to them. Now is no exception.

Had a social work gathering last night and before that, I had a great time with bao & yat, shopping for Dr Rowlands' present. The whole day was good and it just made me feel happy at the moments, & then (as usu) a little sad as it offically marks the end. The end of this small fellowship of soical work honours students. I guess I don't miss the lecturers cos I'll be back there soon, if things work out ok.

Prep for the egypt trip has been nothing less than hectic and I'm really really broke. In fact, I now have to take a loan, albeit interest-free and probably a loan I do not have to re-pay even if I wanted to. Kudos to Bentoh & Jacq who helped us source for excellent sleeping bags and also accompanied me to buy my windbreaker, track pants & long-sleeve tee. Bentoh has the same taste as me man! Cool! haha...n tt also marks another being comfortable with couples occassion.

Actually there're so many thoughts swarming in my head that I don't want to hear any of it. There's some that're eating into me. Eating away so much I feel that I'm dissolving like an egg shell in hydrochloric acid (rem the sci expt in sec sch??). You know sometimes I really wonder, and I struggle. Sometimes I struggle with my feelings towards myself. Why? why? I rem learning in social geron this sem that one has to differentiate him/herself from their roles. This is impt so that when certain roles are taken away, tt person can still function, won't feel lost. Example is that if a man defines himself through his work, then when he retires, he will feel a loss. And if the loss is extreme, he will not be able to get over it. Sometimes I wonder when I strip away all my roles - son, brother, friend, catechist, social work student, Liverpool fan - then what will be left? The worse part is that sometimes I feel as if when all these are stripped away, I am nothing. I'm just a blur. Just a drop of mediocrity in the vastness of emptiness. haha I guess at times like this, my url name is pretty apt huh?

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to Egypt with somewhat guarded optimism. I will be open and enjoy it. For one, I know the company will be the best I can ask for. Countdown...2 days...