I'm tired but I don't wanna sleep...

welcome to the new semester. For the record, I have not had my first class yet.
there're so many thoughts in my head now.

myself: there're so many things about myself I wanna change. One of which I mentioned in my previous post already. The other which my fren CY actually mentioned to me last week but I kinda dismissed it. His pastor had told him something about the words he speak shd be about God. The CY went on to say that he shd stop joking n poking fun of ppl. It only struck me today when Fr mentioned it during his homily. What is it that I am speaking, can someone tell if I am a Christian from what I say? Profanities shd be the first to go but I doubt I can control it when I play soccer or when some jerk cuts into my lane. It has become instinctual, almost an automatic response. Is making fun of others good? I don't think so. You may think that they can take it or rather they don't take it to heart but you never know. And there's nothing inherently good in generating laughter at another's expence. The same goes for gossiping. Actually, I don't know where is the line and what constitutes gossiping about someone. I construe it as talking about BAD things behind one's back. I've been guilty of that the past few weeks. I don't know why but I'm not naturally gossipy but...sigh...must try to change.
I want to exercise more and lose weight. Man, I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life but I seem SO comfortable with myself that I don't even bother. Sigh.
I want to read the bible on a regular basis. I think laziness is the reason behind not doing so. Fr said today that it's the most important book you'll ever need to read but why do I choose to read some social work text every sem instead of the bible?
I want to remain humble. Another impt point that CY pointed out last week.

About being single...
I want to remain focused this yr and I'm not gonna let ANY girl get me off track. I guess I've tried to get to know someone better but it's not working out. Somehow tt's the way it is lah but I'm not gonna let it get me down. For the many girls who have been wanting to get to know me better, I'm sorry. Really really sorry. Maybe you can take a queue number and we can meet up like after the 31st of March, 2006? cos tt's when my thesis is due :D
Come on Nick, who are you kidding? Aiya, whatever lah, single then single lah. The most I will join Keenan and have a Double Ordination at the CHurch of the Risen Christ in 8 yrs time :p

About CSS...
trying to wash my hands and keep quiet wrt to decision making or commenting about how things shd be done etc...indeed it has changed...in many areas for the better but in some areas for the worse. I rem telling Alan n Wayne about how I felt I was not needed anymore, that I was out of the "grand design" and Alan so wisely commented, that's the way it's meant to be. That's God's way of teaching us that none of us are indispensible. Life goes on. Time to let go.

About Church & Cat Class...
Henry asked me a qn no one in church has asked me b4, "how come you're not in SALT?" I never considered joining the youth ministry b4. I don't think it's being run properly but shd I join, to try to make a difference? Anyway, looking forward to Ser coming back next yr and hopefully can pull in others like Carol? Then at least we got a core team. It's really much easier to work with ppl on the same wavelength.
I'm intending to bring my kids to novena, prob during the one week break (inspired by Ian). Gonna take a lot of effort man but I think it shd be done. Might try to connect to my previous class too but tt's gonna be MUCH harder to do. Sometimes I ask for too much: that they always feel God's Love, that they keep the faith, that they rem that God loves them. I wonder if they even rem a single thing I told them. Do they rem me. I don't think I've done much for my Godson. He's still so playful and his 'O's are ard the corner. I tried telling that to him then i realised tt I ended up nagging n he switched off. I really want him to do well man. *wake up wake up* I want you to do well.


*TIRED*

Anyway, I will leave you guys with a song. I think I heard this song subconsciously before. Then one morning when I was waiting for my ex at KAP (she was 1.5 hrs late), I started humming the tune w/o knowing the song and only after that did I ask ard and found out what it was...enjoy.

Out of my Head -by Fastball


Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then its time you spoke up too